Yesterday, 6 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, all of the security stuff at <super secure site> has gone offline."
Me: "Hangover ouchy. Please put in a work order for me so I can go back to sleep."
6:20 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, the number we call for work orders goes to an answering machine."
Me: "That's not possible! They literally have their main people, an answering service, and another backup answering service. Hangover ouchie so you are spared from my wrath and I will just hang up on you."
6:30 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, we're idiots and called the wrong phone number earlier, even though we refer to the department by their phone number. Also, Boss Man wants you to put in an IT ticket."
Me: "Hangover still ouchie. Tell Boss Man I will even though no one will look at it until Monday. I'll get to it whenever hangover is less ouchie."
6:45 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, apparently Network IT decided to do upgrades at the site and not tell anyone. Don't worry about that IT ticket!"
Me: "Go. Away."
2 PM, when I'm at the liquor store, refreshing my stash
Boss Man: "Hey TPM, what's the status on the IT ticket you submitted?"
Me: "I didn't submit one. Office said that Network IT was already on site and caused the outage."
Boss Man: "No one told me that!! <insert 15 minutes of random rambling that is him pretending to sound like he knows what he's talking about>"
Me: "Boss Man, please stop using terms you don't understand and leave me alone."
12 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, stuff is still offline even though the network guys told Security Officer at the site that they've fixed everything."
Me: "I'm DRUUUUNK. This will be fun."
Me: "Hey IT Guy, thanks for being dumb enough to put your cell phone number in your Outlook profile."
IT Guy: "WTF Why are you drunk dialing me?"
Me: "You wrecked my security system! Go back and fix it!"
12:30 AM
IT Guy: "I'm incompetent and lazy so I will pawn this problem off on Physical Problems Department."
Me: "Are you sure? Physical Problems Department will have no problem dragging your ass out of bed in a couple of hours when you're proved wrong."
1 AM
Physical Problems Guy: "I know you will trust me because I'm the only one today who knows how to do my job. I will therefore take advantage of your trust by telling you that you need to do Something Only IT Can Do and make you question your competence by telling you that Coworker Bob knows how to do it because he's so much awesomer than you."
Me: "I'm DRUUNNNNKKKK so I will believe you."
Me: "Hey Coworker Bob, I'm going to make you hate me."
Coworker Bob: "I'm pretty drunk too, but sober enough to know that you're being played. I will laugh and point you in the right direction."
Me: "Hey Physical Problems guy and IT Guy, I'm not sure why you answered your phones instead of using your Caller ID for what it was meant for, but I'm going to yell at both of you at the same time."
IT Guy: "I'm an idiot and changed the IP addresses on all of your stuff without telling anyone. Now the panels need to be physically changed so it's not my problem anymore! Hahahaha!"
Physical Problems Guy: "I want to hurt you. We will deal with this in the morning."
7 AM
Physical Problems Guy: "Hey, I got Installer Dude Who Bills at $200/Hour out here to help me change everything but I need you to do stuff on your end. Ready to start? We can't delay too long because he's expensive. It will only take 4 hours!"
Me: "I'm still kind of drunk. That might make this more tolerable but you still don't pay me enough for this."
11 AM
Me: "Good news Boss Man, security stuff is back online!"
Boss Man: "But what about the cameras?"
Me: "I have to be in the office to fix the cameras and I will demand my $50 gas money if I have to go in."
Boss Man: "Our company is run by cheapskates so we will have to let this go until tomorrow."
I slept all afternoon. Fiance almost got punched when he asked me if I was going to do anything this weekend.
Office: "Hey TPM, all of the security stuff at <super secure site> has gone offline."
Me: "Hangover ouchy. Please put in a work order for me so I can go back to sleep."
6:20 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, the number we call for work orders goes to an answering machine."
Me: "That's not possible! They literally have their main people, an answering service, and another backup answering service. Hangover ouchie so you are spared from my wrath and I will just hang up on you."
6:30 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, we're idiots and called the wrong phone number earlier, even though we refer to the department by their phone number. Also, Boss Man wants you to put in an IT ticket."
Me: "Hangover still ouchie. Tell Boss Man I will even though no one will look at it until Monday. I'll get to it whenever hangover is less ouchie."
6:45 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, apparently Network IT decided to do upgrades at the site and not tell anyone. Don't worry about that IT ticket!"
Me: "Go. Away."
2 PM, when I'm at the liquor store, refreshing my stash
Boss Man: "Hey TPM, what's the status on the IT ticket you submitted?"
Me: "I didn't submit one. Office said that Network IT was already on site and caused the outage."
Boss Man: "No one told me that!! <insert 15 minutes of random rambling that is him pretending to sound like he knows what he's talking about>"
Me: "Boss Man, please stop using terms you don't understand and leave me alone."
12 AM
Office: "Hey TPM, stuff is still offline even though the network guys told Security Officer at the site that they've fixed everything."
Me: "I'm DRUUUUNK. This will be fun."
Me: "Hey IT Guy, thanks for being dumb enough to put your cell phone number in your Outlook profile."
IT Guy: "WTF Why are you drunk dialing me?"
Me: "You wrecked my security system! Go back and fix it!"
12:30 AM
IT Guy: "I'm incompetent and lazy so I will pawn this problem off on Physical Problems Department."
Me: "Are you sure? Physical Problems Department will have no problem dragging your ass out of bed in a couple of hours when you're proved wrong."
1 AM
Physical Problems Guy: "I know you will trust me because I'm the only one today who knows how to do my job. I will therefore take advantage of your trust by telling you that you need to do Something Only IT Can Do and make you question your competence by telling you that Coworker Bob knows how to do it because he's so much awesomer than you."
Me: "I'm DRUUNNNNKKKK so I will believe you."
Me: "Hey Coworker Bob, I'm going to make you hate me."
Coworker Bob: "I'm pretty drunk too, but sober enough to know that you're being played. I will laugh and point you in the right direction."
Me: "Hey Physical Problems guy and IT Guy, I'm not sure why you answered your phones instead of using your Caller ID for what it was meant for, but I'm going to yell at both of you at the same time."
IT Guy: "I'm an idiot and changed the IP addresses on all of your stuff without telling anyone. Now the panels need to be physically changed so it's not my problem anymore! Hahahaha!"
Physical Problems Guy: "I want to hurt you. We will deal with this in the morning."
7 AM
Physical Problems Guy: "Hey, I got Installer Dude Who Bills at $200/Hour out here to help me change everything but I need you to do stuff on your end. Ready to start? We can't delay too long because he's expensive. It will only take 4 hours!"
Me: "I'm still kind of drunk. That might make this more tolerable but you still don't pay me enough for this."
11 AM
Me: "Good news Boss Man, security stuff is back online!"
Boss Man: "But what about the cameras?"
Me: "I have to be in the office to fix the cameras and I will demand my $50 gas money if I have to go in."
Boss Man: "Our company is run by cheapskates so we will have to let this go until tomorrow."
I slept all afternoon. Fiance almost got punched when he asked me if I was going to do anything this weekend.
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