...grief advice?

[Gizmo]

I'm still processing some of the things about a death 2 years ago now. A friend who has a radio station played one particular song the other day and it brought back memories and tears. It does take time. hugs

[Sapphire Silk]

And yes, don't worry that it's currently too hard to talk about. Grief has stages, and takes time. Eventually, it'll stop hurting this much.

I'm not going to lie to you: I still hurt sometimes when I realise my Nan isn't here, and I still dream about her, and then wake and remember, and .. it hurts.

I still get emotional talking about my Dad. We were very close; when I was a kid I thought he walked on water. When I was an adult, I still thought he walked on water.

I have tons of happy memories. He always supported me, even when he thought I wasn't making good decisions (and sometimes he was even right about that). We would talk on the phone for a couple of hours every week. Mom would get jealous.

My grief isn't gone; its' simply changed. I know how to live with it now.

[Eireann]

Don't be surprised by anything you feel. Anything. And don't be surprised if you find yourself unable to concentrate, or unable to carry through, on even the simplest task.

Get used to that look that people get when they learn you've lost a loved one.

It isn't just the loved one who goes. We, the ones left behind, die to the way of life we once knew.

I got more support from people on this board, most of whom I have yet to meet in person, than I did from people I knew in the flesh here when my whole world caved in. We're here for you.

[jedimaster91]

I lost a good friend in 2004, shortly before Christmas break my senior year of HS. My parents made me go to school the next school day because they didn't want me sitting at home dwelling on it. Worst idea ever as I was understandably an emotional wreck. His death was unexpected, so not only was I dealing with grief, but I had a lot of anger to work through. The 'rents offered to get me counseling, which retrospect I should have gotten. I made some decisions during that time that even then I knew I was making because I was angry, but at the the time didn't care. To this day there are songs I can't listen to and if Mr Jedi runs late somewhere without calling me, I freak out.

Grief and loss leave their marks and they never really go away. They just get easier to live with. Definitely look into counseling services and don't let anyone tell you that what you feel isn't valid. For me, it helps to picture my departed loved ones as happy and no longer suffering from the frailties of humanness, and able to do things they loved that their failing bodies would no longer allow them to enjoy.

[Seshat]

I feel the same way, Jedi.

I don't have any particular beliefs about what happens after death, but I imagine that my father in law and ElderlyCat are together somewhere. He was always very, very fond of her, and she of him, and she loves to be with a human.
My Nan never knew either of them, but in my imagination she's dancing with the friends who predeceased her, and she's the age she was when I first became conscious of her - the age she was when I was four or five. Maybe somewhat younger, or maybe with a healthier body than she actually had then.