I'm not even worth it.

[sarasquirrel]

i kinda skimmed the posts, to get a general idea of whats going on

the doc says i have mild depression, which made sense to me. and while i may not be able to understand the level of depression some others experience (lack for a better term) i know what its like to feel left out (friends-wise), and not really have anyone to talk to.

since then ive been put on lexapro, which of course my insurance doesnt cover so once i run out of my sample i go on celexa...anywho...

what helps me when im upset, other than venting to anyone i feel like i can talk to...coworkers, my mom, people here, other people online, i think happy thoughts.. sounds silly but it kinda works.

i will admit since starting lexapro ive felt much better, and thats only on 5 mg (like i said i have mild depression, never suicidal).

i like your drawings. i was actually going to ask if you could draw me a squirrel ???

and who else would i tell about the awesome (ok that one the other day wasnt great) car shows? hmmm?? or about my sonic experience?

i like to think about squirrels and the stupid things they do. places i wanna go, things i wanna do. (tonnnns of places i wanna go) calming ideas like crickets at night. (idk i love them)

i think im rambling...i dont know if anything here has helped...

but you know where to find me

[Seshat]

Seshat,

I really hope you never go the euthanasia route. You strike me as a very warm, caring person. I know you've said that much of your prolific advice giving is due to you having nothing to do but research anything and everything. However, not everyone would bother sharing that knowledge. I've seen how you consistently have kind words for the people who need them the most. Know that people do care about you.

Thank you, Teysa. It seems unlikely that I'll go the euthanasia route, since my medical treatments are proving to be effective. Not enough to give me a normal life, but enough to give me sufficient quality of life to be worth sticking around for.

[Squeaksmyalias]

I ended up with the day off today, kept my phone off for most of it, tried to avoid work. In the end I was in tears and frustrated because of them. Some girls couldn't handle a dog, I got blamed since I did the client interview, they wanted me to go out and handle the dog. I refused, I now have more visits on Monday because girls are refusing the visits. My entire week is packed and I said no client interviews since I dont have time to sit for an hour and pretend to love my job. I didn't word it that way, I just made it clear I have no time what so ever for them. I got screamed at for it... It's not like I was a jerk about it, I gave my reasons and handled it as professionally as I could for being so upset.

I'm afraid what the weekend might hold for me, I don't have work till early Monday morning but still if this is how the first day off what will happen the rest. I can't even enjoy myself for a little while without something happening. It used to happen the nights I was the on duty manager and would have the next day off, tons of issues would come up, by the end I would be exhausted and tense. Now I can't even have a day off with out problems, the office staff spent the entire week harassing me about having today off. On top of their normal issues I heard how awful I was, I needed the jeep worked on, it's not like I do what other girls do all the time and just decide to disappear. I used to have really good work ethic, I don't even want to bother now, it's not like anyone else gets punished for it. The office manager even very sarcastically told me one day "what am I going to tell her? she is fired?" when I pointed out that a girl who ditched us on a holiday week was also on probation for so many other issues she has caused. So why should I care, I just want to do the bare minimum, the animals are safe and happy then that is it.

I'm sure I will end up with nightmares again tonight, I spent the week getting some sleep at least.

[Seshat]

Keep the phone off for the full day off, next time. If you're off work, you're not on call.

Also, be aware that it's typical that the best workers get expected to do more. Try to take it as a compliment - but also try not to let them bully you.

[Squeaksmyalias]

Keep the phone off for the full day off, next time. If you're off work, you're not on call.

Also, be aware that it's typical that the best workers get expected to do more. Try to take it as a compliment - but also try not to let them bully you.

I used to take it as a compliment, now I can't when one minute, they are telling me I'm the only one who can handle the client. Then next they are telling me I'm stupid or being a brat because I'm standing up for myself or I did something wrong even though I had no control over it.

[Whiskey]

I used to take it as a compliment, now I can't when one minute, they are telling me I'm the only one who can handle the client. Then next they are telling me I'm stupid or being a brat because I'm standing up for myself or I did something wrong even though I had no control over it.

Its a way to keep you striving to show them how good you are. If you know you're good, you know they need you, there isn't that need to prove yourself. They try to do that to me at work. They've come upon the habit or pissing and moaning because I want weekends and the old guy wants weekdays. They whine that nothing will get done and oh nooooooo and the conversation usually ends with

me: when exactly have I not gotten everything done?
them: uh well you always do but
me: and how many breaks are issued if I'm here
them: um.. all of them unless its physically impossible
me: and how many breaks are issued if im not here
them: um.. none.. ever..
me: so about me not being able to do my job?
them: *walks off*