27 year old guy who is afraid to drive?

[Despina83]

A bit of background on this guy (and me): http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=60320

So this guy that I haven't started dating yet (although pretty close)..I found out today why he doesn't have a license. He never took the road test because he was too nervous. That's why his family has to drive him to work and stuff. That's why he can't see me whenever he wants, because he relies on others for transportation. I'm glad I got to the bottom of this. I always assumed that he just never bought his own car, I didn't know he never got his license. And I never asked because he seemed uncomfortable on the subject before.

This sure is a strange situation. I mean, I myself have so many anxiety issues...I was terrified to get my license, but I did it back in the day. I was a couple years late. But this guy...he's a decade late. I gave him encouragement, told him it's a piece of cake and that if I passed (even with all the mistakes I made), then he surely can. He seemed really uplifted by this, and more determined. I don't want to be a nag on the issue, but I wanted him to know that hey, this is something you need in order to have a life.

I just hope my encouragement will be enough to get him to do this. He shouldn't be spending money on PS3s and HDTVs when he needs to be taking this test and buying a CAR. He's already taken a step recently to better himself by getting a better job. But I hope he realizes that this is just as important a step that needs to be made. It just seems strange for me, Miss Nervous Wreck, to be encouraging a guy to do something he's afraid of.

[Evil Queen]

Why does he have to have a car? As long as he does things like pay other for their time, I don't see the harm in it.

Your life doesn't circle around owning a car. My friend Seamus has never owned a car, doesn't drive and is very happy without one. He's also 27. My friend Jacket is 26 and has never driven a car either. They all have ID Cards instead of licenses. Jacket lives near me and works next door to where I work so we sometimes carpool on bad weather days; he "pays me" by buying me lunch (midnight snack since we get off work at 11pm) at a local diner.

I know a lot of people who don't drive. Several Posters here on this vary forum that don't drive either. It's getting to be more common.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

My last boyfriend didnt' have a car and wouldn't buy a car. He could drive, he just was too frigging terrified of having to deal buying one he wouldnt' do it.

He was evidently not too terrified of being a complete pain in the ass about getting rides from people, though.

I woudln't sign up again for that nonsense for love nor money.

Your guy needs to deal with his phobia. This is not like being afraid of snakes or roaches. This is something that will affect the way he lives, and the way you live.

His refusal to deal with it ought to raise a red flag.

[Jack]

I agree. Owning an unnecessarily large and expensive vehicle should not measure a person's worth, maturity, or success in life. I do also agree that you must have some kind of problem if you can't pass the driving test, and I imagine he could do it. In any case, I haven't taken the test and I probably won't for quite some time, as I work from home and can get around the city on bicycle quite well enough. If it becomes necessary, I may get a motorcycle license and a small bike (I already know how to ride - if I haven't forgotten).

[MaggieTheCat]

I can see both sides of this issue. I don't think it's 100% necessary to have a car and have to drive...but it also depends on where you live. A city where public transport and taxis are readily available? No problem. A burb out in the sticks? Okay, that's much more of a problem.

I was pretty scared to get my license at first too. I don't think I got mine till I was 17 and I didn't start driving much on my own till I was 18 or 19. After that I loved it...as long as I was in a small town or an area I was familiar with. I'm still scared of driving in the city (we live in a big city in Texas now, as opposed to a tiny town in Wisconsin.) I never learned how to drive in a city with 10 lane highways and all that. The first time I tried it down here, I got in a (minor) accident, so that's made me even more gunshy. I'm not worried about it for the moment. I don't have a job I need to go to every day (I work from home) and my husband does have a car and is comfortable driving in the city since he's lived here for 5 years. I should probably practice sometime, but it does make me pretty nervous.

[AdminAssistant]

There are areas where owning and driving a car is pretty much mandatory, and everyone should really get their license, just in case.

[Magpie]

Unfortunately, your background doesn't say where you live. Going by the numbers, I'm going to assume that you live in an urban centre, in which case this isn't an issue. Cars aren't really necessary unless you're doing really heavy shopping, which is rare, or going out of town. I almost never left transit service area until I moved to my current small city (only 500 000 in the tri-cities).

Him not having a car, per se, isn't a problem. Him being unable to get to work without getting a ride from his family is. If it's by necessity rather than because they want to drive him, then something needs to change. Maybe he needs to buy a bus pass, maybe he needs to get his licence. However, my mother has this impression that taking the bus is a huge inconvenience, and that driving is somehow a better option (I've known her to drive downtown it's that ingrained), so if I'm at my parents' place she'll drive me, it could just be a situation like that.

[Despina83]

We don't live in the city, we live in a pretty rural area. I'm not going to write the guy off because of this, but the fact is that he needs his younger brother to drive him wherever he wants to go. That could make dating a little difficult...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Time to man up and figure out why the phobia. Thirty year old man afraid to drive needs to address this.

Even if he decides he doesn't need to drive, he still needs to make the effort.

Maybe I have a bad taste in my mouth over it due to past experiences. But a grown adult man needs to be able to do certain things, and one of them is drive a car.

[Plaidman]

bite me. I don't drive. I know the second I'm behind the wheel, I'll lose focus, and someone will die. I can't have that blood on my hands. I refuse to drive because I don't want to kill someone that doesn't deserve it, which would happen when I'm behind the wheel.

[Cat]

I hate driving with a passion.....I put off getting my license until I was 21...most due to a fear of driving (yet also because most of my friends were younger and I didn't want to cart their asses all over*

Though I do live in the"stick," and we have no public transport, I had to get a license/car.

I feel for to the guy who doesn't want/fears to get his license....driving sucks, but in some places, its a necessity. One of the many thinkgs I love about my bf is he loves to drive



*I had a friend you was younger than me, and when I turned 16, she called me selfish for not getting my license because she might need a ride at some point. whatev.

[Becks]

I'm almost 31, I don't have my own car, and I avoid driving.

Yes, I drove in NJ (got my license there, too, when I was well into my 20s), but I never really liked it.

Here, I have the man of the household or my sister drive me around. They don't mind.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

I too am scared of driving. Back when I was 16 my grandma tired to teach me. Unfortunately she freaked out, which caused me to freak out and almost crashed into a brick mailbox. And then afterwards had really bad nightmares.

I didn't have the courage to learn again until I was 22. I was somewhat rushed into it but nevertheless got my license. But then I moved to VA (which was where I found you guys! ) And again got scared to drive in a place where the streets were different and drivers ALOT more reckless.

I did try to drive again (when visiting home )but it almost resulted in a car accident. Soooo yea I'm a little hesitant to drive again. I'm with Plaidman I don't want to have unnecessary blood on my hands.

[Becks]

Time to trot this timeless classc out again-- "Americans will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic or a dope fiend, but if a man doesn't drive, they think there must be something wrong with him." -- ART BUCHWALD

[Magpie]

I would say that unless he's looking into making lifestyle changes that allow him to continue not driving this is a problem. Avoiding driving is fine - one of the engineers in a small town walked to work despite the prevailing car culture (since it was a small town). If you live in a city, not driving/not being able to drive is fine - things are close enough, you can walk bike and bus for most things, and there's inter-city buses and trains for everything else. However, living in the country and not being able to drive is, at the least, poor planning.