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Coworker just friendly or trying to send signals?

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  • #16
    There's always the off chance that it isn't, but the name matches, the physical description, the birthday sounds about right, I'm 99% sure it's him. And his sentence date was on May 6, and that's the first day he wasn't at work. He never misses work.

    Another question though, while I doubt he's coming back to work at all (the supervisor assigned another guy to do his job and said 'you're replacing ___'), in the chance that he does, should I let my friend/coworker know? She was also really into him and I doubt she'd think to look him up on the DOC.

    I'm still kind of shocked, since he seemed so clean cut and nice. This was the kind of person you brought home to Mom & Dad, or so I thought. The idea that he was selling date rape only back in February is terrifying. I was willing to work with the fact that he was divorced and had kids, but I draw the line at probation.
    The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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    • #17
      Quoth ShinyGreenApple View Post
      should I let my friend/coworker know?
      Only if he comes back, and only if you make sure that it is actually him first. If it is really just a bizarre coincidence, then you don't want to be spreading rumors that could hurt him. But if you can verify that it's him, then I'd say tell only that one coworker.

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      • #18
        If that was him that was sentenced, I would say it was a pretty good bet that he was flirting with you, and definitely had intentions.

        Just not the kind you were looking for, it seems.

        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
        Still A Customer."

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        • #19
          I'll wait until a photo goes up on the DOC site. Then I'll print it out and give it to her, or slip it in her locker. If I just march up and tell her, I'm afraid she'd get the "Rawr he's mine, stay away!" vibe from me.

          EDIT: And holy shit. How on earth am I supposed to tell the nice guys apart from the ones like this? He seemed like one of the cleanest cut people on the crew. I just can't imagine him peddling drugs. I am kind of hurt and let myself have a cry last night. I thought I'd found something good when I really only narrowly avoided a train wreck.
          The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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          • #20
            I think if you just slip it in her locker, she may just not believe it. Personally, I think telling her face to face, calmly and rationally, is the way to go.

            "Hey, Mary, I know you were kind of interested in Jim, but I think you should know something that I found out that scared the hell out of me." Make it clear to her that you are not trying to "mark your territory" or anything like that, but are merely trying to give her a head's up on what you just found out. Don't advise her to stay away from him, or to take any particular course of action, just give her the information and walk away. After that, she can do whatever she wants with it.

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
            Still A Customer."

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            • #21
              Shitbiscuits. I found a mugshot; it's definitely him. This is all really horrifying and disappointing
              The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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              • #22
                I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You think that it's a negative thing that the guy you were interested in is basically a scumbag. That is true, of course. But you can always look at the positive side of it; to wit, you found out he was a scumbag before anything happened that you would have regretted. In my book, that's a good thing!

                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                Still A Customer."

                Comment


                • #23
                  I agree with Jester. You dodged a bullet so be glad for that.
                  I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                  I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                  It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                  • #24
                    Oh I know. I'm not turning my nose up at the fact that I found out about the dealing before we got involved. It just bothers me that I had to be interested in him at all; my scumbag 'radar' is usually quicker than everyone else's and it's scares me that I didn't notice something. I doubt anyone did though; everyone gets along with this guy.

                    I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about the Rohypnol. . .
                    The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Seems like you dodged a bullet.

                      Just curious why you searched his name on the DOC site if he seemed so clean cut and nice and he seemed like the guy you take home to Mom and Dad.

                      I mean, it seems you had already considered asking him out before you posted for advice, but then, on a whim you searched him on the DOC site?

                      It's quite a fantastic coincidence that you did, but I'm wondering if there wasn't some vibe that you already felt.
                      Too tired of living and too tired to end it. What a conundrum.

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                      • #26
                        Quoth ShinyGreenApple View Post
                        my scumbag 'radar' is usually quicker than everyone else's and it's scares me that I didn't notice something. I doubt anyone did though; everyone gets along with this guy.
                        Don't beat yourself up over it. As you said, everyone liked this guy. Which means he was good at disguising his true nature. I had a girlfriend once who was like that....everyone thought she was this sweet, giving, friendly person. The entire time, though, she was manipulating people and situations to her advantage, stealing (she eventually got arrested for embezzlement), and lying about this, that and the other. A classic example of the last one: she told at least one coworker that I know of that I was physically abusive to her, when I've never hit a woman--other than my sisters--in my life. I could not at the time understand why said coworker was such an utter bitch to me. Now she and I are friends, and we laugh about the horror that was my ex-girlfriend. But it wasn't just me that got taken in by her....everyone did.

                        So again, stop beating yourself up. This guy was obviously very good at manipulating things to his advantage, and had everyone else fooled, not just you. Just consider yourself lucky, relax, and move on.

                        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                        Still A Customer."

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Quoth Ree View Post
                          Seems like you dodged a bullet.

                          Just curious why you searched his name on the DOC site if he seemed so clean cut and nice and he seemed like the guy you take home to Mom and Dad.

                          I mean, it seems you had already considered asking him out before you posted for advice, but then, on a whim you searched him on the DOC site?

                          It's quite a fantastic coincidence that you did, but I'm wondering if there wasn't some vibe that you already felt.
                          I guess maybe I did. I was just bored and looking him up on this and that; and I guess maybe I expected to find something from when he was younger; he's 33 now. But this happened In February and yikes. Can someone please explain to me what "DEL" means as far as DOC terms? It says "Sell/Del" on there and I'm trying to figure out what exactly that entails.

                          And by the way . . . he's still at work. No one is acting any differently so I guess I'm the only one who knows. He says he missed the days last week because he had a horrible stomach bug and couldn't leave the bathroom.
                          The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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                          • #28
                            Quoth ShinyGreenApple View Post
                            Can someone please explain to me what "DEL" means as far as DOC terms? It says "Sell/Del" on there and I'm trying to figure out what exactly that entails.
                            From what I found from Google I'm guessing deliver.
                            I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                            I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                            It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Or perhaps a shorthand for "deal."

                              So, what you found on the DOC site said he was arrested in or had a warrant from February? And said nothing about the last few days when he was out of work?

                              Just curious.

                              Either way, do not get involved with this guy. Sure, there is the chance that he was just selling it to friends who wanted to get high....people do get high on that drug without using it as a date rape drug. But do you really want to take that chance? And even if that is true, do you really want to date a drug dealer?

                              I still think you should advise your coworker who is interested in him of the situation.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                He was caught (in my county, no less) on February 26 'Misusing county property to solicit' and Hyrdocodone was listed. That's what the county website says. The state website lists him as being sentenced with the probation for Rohypnol. The sentence was served on Thursday, when he was absent for personal reasons, and he says he was deathly ill to his stomach on Friday and that's why he wasn't in then.

                                But no, no more intentions on my part. I'm not into casual dating/sex and he's not marriage material. While interaction during work is inevitable, I'll just be sure not to eat or drink anything he may offer. As for the coworker, she wasn't showing her usual signs of trying to chat him up and the like, so maybe her interest doesn't go beyond "jumping him in a heartbeat", as she said the other day.
                                The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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