"Black Sheep" of the family. why does it still bother me

[Midnight12]

yep. pretty much prepared to do that. the only difficult part is that the youngest sis comes to visit alternate weekends and has since the divorce and she often gets made the messenger. So last time I told her please, don't. Don't say it just enjoy your stay here.
Youngest sis has gotten it and the only updates I get are about how well she is doing which is good since she had some job issues a while ago.

Point being, I feel that until I came along it was the impression that "do as mom says to avoid conflict" I brought the idea that the worst she could do is disown you which means no more stress and no more yelling at you, she'll STOP. Everyone has basically moved out so there is no threat and if she does yell. like whiskey said just hang up or walk away

if it helps i can take it to chat?

[Whiskey]

hang up or walk away

For anyone reading this: This is ALL you can do with martyrs. Eventually, they will "learn" and bend to your rules (no guilt trips, no bad talking, no negativity), but they always try to weasel it back in. You have to be FIRM. "Okay, well you already put me down in this conversation so I guess I will have to talk to you later, goodbye *hang up*"

If you're at lunch and they start in on you, request a to-go box and don't budge. Get your food and leave immediately.

if what they want is bigger than their ego (seeing their grandchildren, for instance) they'll learn to talk behind your back like decent people and smile at you while you're around

edit: idk you want to hear me rant about martyrs and give random advice? (unless you werent talking to me. this is your thread)

[Midnight12]

oh no this is awesome advice. I've always had a confidence issue but after years of crap I finally grew a spine so following through with this is not an issue anymore

thank you very much Whiskey and KiaKat

I was supposed to be out today. but due to alot of things happening that never came. so i got stuck in the house. and then she came with her issues. i could handle not getting things done, save for two of the errands to run were for lisa. and now....its just a bad day. sorry

[CaroPhoenix]

I grew up with a martyr. My mother. My sister is learning though. Aggrivating.

My MIL sounds almost as bad as yours. (Thursday, she hadn't seen me in 3 weeks, said: "Did you color your hair? Why? It looks like you have clown's hair." How cute is her delusion that she thinks her opinion means anything to me? )

Ignore her. Don't answer her phone calls (caller id is your friend).

I really think, when other family members pass on messages to do either one of two things: 1. Say "Thank you for the mesage. I'll deal with it. Then do nothing. 2.Tell them they are wasting their time as you're not going to talk to MIL so don't pass messages anymore.

Make your husband stand up to her and for you. It might be difficult for him, but she's his mother, not yours.

www.motherinlawstories.com is your friend. Trust me.

I hate my MIL, if you want to, PM me.

[Whiskey]

Make your husband stand up to her and for you. It might be difficult for him, but she's his mother, not yours.[/COLOR]

This is important because MIL really doesnt give a crap about you. You're her sons wife. If he won't stand up to her and back you up, you got no chance. Also be prepared to be the evil witch who's stealing/corrupting her baby if you're not already. oi.

[Midnight12]

thats the thing I AM "corrupting" mu daughter to be a good girl. only she will grow up a heathen like me. haha. seriously though since this whole drama debacle I've ignored her so no more aggravating her like that