Would this be creepy???

[MoonCat]

the average chap is pretty clueless when it comes to noticing interest.

Why is this, anyway? Just something I've always wondered.

[Cookie]

Why is this, anyway? Just something I've always wondered.

And then there are women like me who have to practically be hit with a two-by-flirt to get it.

[Seshat]

Back to the subject. Just asking him for a coffee date isn't a commitment to bear his children. It's a pretty solid indication that you like him, which is more than most blokes get (or notice). You may have to be a little more direct if he doesn't get it, because the average chap is pretty clueless when it comes to noticing interest.

Heck, I've had people trying really hard to get me to clue in, and considered their actions to be just friends-being-friends.

Still, I would recommend simply getting to know him first anyway. Going for coffee is a great way to start.

[Rapscallion]

Why is this, anyway? Just something I've always wondered.

Probably an old charter or something. From what I understand, many of us don't actually believe someone could be interested in us, or something like that. Others may have a more credible explanation.

Rapscallion

[Kisa]

Saw him today. Wimped out. Said nothing. I don't think this will work. I'm just not the assertive type I worry that he'll be taken or think I'm weird or be a jerk. I can't even make friends because I can't talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. It's how I've always been. I'm a coward.

[PepperElf]

aw

We're all rooting for you, but I understand sometimes it's not easy.

[sms001]

I'm not rooting for her, I'm rooting for geeky guy. He's got a chance to go out with an articulate, clever woman and Kisa's gonna blow it for him!




Seriously K., of your three "deterrence" factors, him being a jerk is the only one you can't get around, and of course that carries a silver lining inherently ---you don't go out with a guy who's a jerk. If he's taken, prep a casual line, something like "I can see why, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Thanks for the honest answer" and then head away, head held high. If he thinks you're weird, (which, honestly, is like a zillion to one) then reason one holds again ---you get out of going out with a guy who thinks perfectly normal behavior is weird. Or he'll LIKE weird.

Another unlikely scenario is that he's single, but simply doesn't want to go out with you. (He's too shy, you're not tall/short/wide/narrow/blonde/brunette/toothless/deep-voiced/polkadotted enough for him, he just came out of a crud relationship, his mom told him not to, etc. etc.) In this case you'll have the satisfaction of having really made his day, if not week/month/year. People LIKE to feel desirable, and being asked out is a pretty sincere way to say it. So you'll have done something nice at no cost to yourself.

Approaching other people is like anything else in life really, the more you do it, the easier it gets. If you DO want to become more outgoing (and nothing wrong with not wanting to, btw) then you have to start somewhere. And think of how much easier it will be to approach that girl who seems interesting in Chem just to chat, or ask that boy in Lit for his notes, once you have a tough one like this under your belt!

OR you can just PM me his number and I'll call him and tell him to ask you out....


Good luck whatever route you take. Keep us posted.

[Andara Bledin]

Ok. So the face to face thing didn't work out.

Write a note.

Put something to the effect of, "Oh, hi, we share X class and I'm too shy to work up the nerve to ask if you want to go get some coffee or something sometime, so I'm resorting to notes."

If you want to be cute you could include check boxes for Yes and Maybe.

^-.-^

[BroSCFischer]

OK, I just saw this thread, and I think I might be able to offer some advice.

First of all, I think your nervousness about approaching the guy is partly the role-reversal, but MOSTLY fear of rejection. I speak from experience because as a guy, I have had a great deal of difficulty approaching women I have been interested in, but could talk about numerous topics of personal interest from sun up to sun down and beyond.

Now, I would recommend a simple approach. As one poster has already said, just saying "Hi" would go a long way. Use that to introduce yourself (Ex: "Hi, I'm Kisa"). You'll might at least learn his name.

The first step is the hardest, and by starting out with just a simple greeting, you make it that much easier. By making it a conversation, instead of trying to blurt out an invitation 1st thing, it allows you to become more comfortable with the conversation.

To get to that 1st step, take a few moments after class has ended, and psych yourself up a bit. Take a few slow, deep breaths to calm yourself down a little. Find a topic from that class period to use as an opening subject for question or comment. It might be easier if YOU have a few books in your arms, as it may work as a psychological shield. The more prepared (especially mentally) you are, the easier it will be.

Some things to remember:

#1.) MOST first meetings are ridiculously awkward. This is NORMAL.
#2.) As a bit of a "nerdy" type, he, most likely, is just as nervous about approaching girls. You maybe making things easier for him.
#3.) If you do nothing you don't risk rejection, but you also may lose out on something terrific. Which do you want?

I hope this helps,

SC

[Hyndis]

Yup. Men are generally very simple creatures. Don't overthink it. And at the same time, subtle is probably too subtle to get noticed.

Going out for coffee or maybe a light lunch is a good way to test the waters. Its a big enough clue by four to get attention, but its not a huge commitment. If it doesn't work out, then you're not out much except the price of a light lunch.

[Kisa]

Another flop. He did something nice for another student so I dedided to bring that up to him. I had it all figured out. Then, right before class ended, he looked over his sholder right as I glanced over at him. I'm pretty sure he saw. When class ended, he paced back and forth while I packed my stuff into my bag, but took off the second I stood up. When I got into the hall, he was gone. Poof. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I scared the hell outta him making him think I'm a creeper who stares at him

[Rapscallion]

Maybe he's as nervous as you were.

What's the worst that could happen if he says no?

Rapscallion

[Jammer]

Maybe he's as nervous as you were.

Beat me to it! Good luck Kisa!

[Andara Bledin]

Maybe he's as nervous as you were.

I'm thinking the same, pretty much.

^-.-^

[dalesys]

Talking about clueless reminds me:

My future wife got my attention by setting the sleeping bag we were in on fire...