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Be prepared for a long one, guys. I...apologize.
My brother's life has been going downhill for a long time. It all kind of started when our parents divorced a few years ago, and he went with my dad. Can't say I blame him terribly, my mother is rather....harsh. Y'all have seen my posts about her from time to time. It's not a good environment with either parent, honestly. Dad has no spine, mom is overbearing to being the absolute definition of the word.
I was already out of the house, so it didn't affect me as much. However, my dad spoiled the ever loving snot out of him. He gave him my car. Let me restate that. My. Car. Did my brother appreciate this? Nope, he crashed it shortly afterwards by speeding. Dad promptly bought him a brand new BMW car, bought him multiple XBox 360s (because he felt bad for him), paid for his college (I got no such help, had to go scrounge scholarships and grants and then pay the rest myself), etc etc. Yes, I'm a little bit bitter that he's been handed everything on a silver platter, and I've had to struggle for everything. I've sucked it up and dealt with it, though.
Dad's finally running out of money, and my brother is not adjusting to it well. At all.
Last year he was arrested for drug dealing. He refused to accept any responsibility for what he had done, instead, blamed everything else. He was kicked out of his college, and now...is leeching off my dad while flitting from job to job. He gets fired constantly, due to getting into fights, mouthing off to customers, and generally copping a horrible attitude with anyone and everyone. I check his social networking sites occasionally, and see him post every once in a while about how he just wants to kill himself, and how he's sneaking more drugs and faking drug test results.
Watching him slide has been painful. I've offered him multiple times the use of a spare room at my home, with only a few rules to follow (he has to have a job, no smoking inside, no drugs, no alcohol...I have children you know), and a very negligible rent. I showed him how the area has many, many opportunities for careers, and there is even a college nearby he could go to and get a fresh start at. I tried calling him and emailing him a few times, asking if there's anything I could do. When I saw him post once that he didn't have much food in the fridge, I mailed him a package full of nonperishables. (He didn't even acknowledge it....)
To try and be supportive, I inquired with my mother if she had Thanksgiving plans, and was told she already had some with her friends. I then invited over my brother and my father, who were excited, and made the trip on down.
Thanksgiving Day rolls around...and...its nice. Really nice. My dad brought over a bunch of boxes of my stuff (when they divorced, Dad left almost immediately and took ALL of my stuff from home), and my brother seemed to be having a very good time. Aside from a hiccup wherein I spilled boiling water on my hands and then in my flailing, burnt my arm against the freshly removed roasting pan.....everything was going great.
That was, until my mother showed up.
She came on over and told me she just wanted to grab a couple of things. Then she stayed. The tension in the house just....exponentially increased. I can't even describe it. Dad did his best to avoid her, and would go to opposite ends of the house to where she was. She slowly got more and more upset over little things that were just going on (my brother playing video games, my Adventure Time shirt, a joke I made, stuff like that) and left the house. Or so I thought. Not two minutes later, the doorbell rings, and when I answer it, its her.
She shoved me to the side, ran in, and IMMEDIATELY started screaming at everyone. My brother took it for all of a minute, then exploded and started screaming back. F bombs everywhere, and the KIDS ARE NEARBY. I stepped in between the trio, and said quietly "Stop. Stop it now." My mother almost slapped me in the face, I saw her hand go up, but she instead tried to push me to the side. I promptly put out my arms and yelled, once, "EVERYONE. OUT. NOW. THIS IS MY HOUSE. GET OUT."
My mother screeched at me, and I pointed at the door. She left. My brother promptly says "I'm leaving now. Dad, get the car ready." and starts packing. I plead with them not to go, it would make the kids even more upset. Eventually, they agree. I think maybe it's all over....but then my brother starts ranting.
He said this just confirms his plans, and that he's planning on "disappearing from everyone's lives" in a few months, and that he's been "making his money" lately by selling off his prescription drugs.
All I got out was "Do you KNOW what will happen to you if you get arrested again?!" and he walked off and said he was turning in for the night, he wasn't going to talk about it any more.
The next day, I just kind of hoped it was all blown over. My brother pretty much sulked around the house, but my father and I had a great time with the kids, playing with them and watching cartoons.
Then, the Big Seraph Screw Up.
I went to my PC room to check my email, and a few minutes later, my dad and brother also come in. Arguing like crazy. I'm trying to ignore it, but then I catch something my brother says.
He says he doesn't have rent money. Dad says thats ok, I've just transferred the money to your bank account. "But...what am I supposed to do about FOOD?!" Well, don't worry, Dad's transferring that over too, soon as the banks open.
"So, just rent and food?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! Sit around with my thumb up my ***?! You know what, dad? This is all your fault. You don't give me enough money to actually LIVE. My life is a s**thole all because you don't support me like you should be doing. My friends are a better family than this. At least they have my back!"
...Say what. I turn around and...I kid you not, my eye starts twitching. He's still going, though...and my dad is finally getting upset. He asks my brother if his friends would lay down theirs lives for him.
"That doesn't matter. No they wouldn't, they wouldn't have to. They're A BETTER FAMILY THAN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL PIECE OF S*** OF A FAMILY AND A LIFE I HAVE TO LIVE."
I snapped.
I leaped to my feet and....slugged him. Just punched him right in the face.
I was shaking, and screaming. I screamed at him to express some gratitude, how DARE he do this to his father, who bailed him out of jail, burnt his whole 401K on him, and is now facing multiple maxed out credit cards to boot. All for his sorry, ungrateful butt.
My brother snarled at me to shut up and back off, I had "no idea how hard his life was". Oh yeah? OH YEAH?!
I started verbally flaying him open, telling him some of the stuff I'd gone through, and that he didn't have to, because HE GOT EVERYTHING. He got the car, while I had to walk everywhere in zero degree weather while I was at college, because DAD GAVE HIM MY CAR. Hard life? Try hiding out in a bathroom because you're homeless, with a week old baby to take care of? HARD LIFE?! He got the money, a four room apartment, the Xboxes, while I lived in a dorm room and had people bashing on my windows and doors with broken beer bottles!
The entire time, I'm just screaming at him while he's backing out and down the hallway. My dad just stood there and watched.
My husband came tearing out from the den, where he'd been with the kids, and immediately grabbed me and tried to drag me away. I fought him, and went into Broken Seraph Mode, and started just yelling over and over "You had EVERYTHING and threw it away! HOW COULD YOU! You had EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" Husband ended up literally picking me up, and setting me down in the computer room, and slamming the door shut. I heard him yell at them that they should be ashamed of themselves, and that they needed to go somewhere else and leave me alone.
I broke down at this point, like a wuss. Sigh. Husband came back, talked with me for a bit, brought me a soda, and just sat there until I was done.
But....yeah. Now, my brother won't really speak with me. The most he did was over my dad giving me his old dad Xbox 360s (He was okay with it, up until we found out one still worked. Then he got mad, and threw a fit.)
I don't know what to do. I suppose I need to just let him go at this point...but its hard. I don't know if I can repair what I did, and frankly, even still, I'd probably hit him again if I had to do it all over again.
So....should I just let him go? Or should I try extra hard to make up for slugging him?
My brother's life has been going downhill for a long time. It all kind of started when our parents divorced a few years ago, and he went with my dad. Can't say I blame him terribly, my mother is rather....harsh. Y'all have seen my posts about her from time to time. It's not a good environment with either parent, honestly. Dad has no spine, mom is overbearing to being the absolute definition of the word.
I was already out of the house, so it didn't affect me as much. However, my dad spoiled the ever loving snot out of him. He gave him my car. Let me restate that. My. Car. Did my brother appreciate this? Nope, he crashed it shortly afterwards by speeding. Dad promptly bought him a brand new BMW car, bought him multiple XBox 360s (because he felt bad for him), paid for his college (I got no such help, had to go scrounge scholarships and grants and then pay the rest myself), etc etc. Yes, I'm a little bit bitter that he's been handed everything on a silver platter, and I've had to struggle for everything. I've sucked it up and dealt with it, though.
Dad's finally running out of money, and my brother is not adjusting to it well. At all.
Last year he was arrested for drug dealing. He refused to accept any responsibility for what he had done, instead, blamed everything else. He was kicked out of his college, and now...is leeching off my dad while flitting from job to job. He gets fired constantly, due to getting into fights, mouthing off to customers, and generally copping a horrible attitude with anyone and everyone. I check his social networking sites occasionally, and see him post every once in a while about how he just wants to kill himself, and how he's sneaking more drugs and faking drug test results.
Watching him slide has been painful. I've offered him multiple times the use of a spare room at my home, with only a few rules to follow (he has to have a job, no smoking inside, no drugs, no alcohol...I have children you know), and a very negligible rent. I showed him how the area has many, many opportunities for careers, and there is even a college nearby he could go to and get a fresh start at. I tried calling him and emailing him a few times, asking if there's anything I could do. When I saw him post once that he didn't have much food in the fridge, I mailed him a package full of nonperishables. (He didn't even acknowledge it....)
To try and be supportive, I inquired with my mother if she had Thanksgiving plans, and was told she already had some with her friends. I then invited over my brother and my father, who were excited, and made the trip on down.
Thanksgiving Day rolls around...and...its nice. Really nice. My dad brought over a bunch of boxes of my stuff (when they divorced, Dad left almost immediately and took ALL of my stuff from home), and my brother seemed to be having a very good time. Aside from a hiccup wherein I spilled boiling water on my hands and then in my flailing, burnt my arm against the freshly removed roasting pan.....everything was going great.
That was, until my mother showed up.
She came on over and told me she just wanted to grab a couple of things. Then she stayed. The tension in the house just....exponentially increased. I can't even describe it. Dad did his best to avoid her, and would go to opposite ends of the house to where she was. She slowly got more and more upset over little things that were just going on (my brother playing video games, my Adventure Time shirt, a joke I made, stuff like that) and left the house. Or so I thought. Not two minutes later, the doorbell rings, and when I answer it, its her.
She shoved me to the side, ran in, and IMMEDIATELY started screaming at everyone. My brother took it for all of a minute, then exploded and started screaming back. F bombs everywhere, and the KIDS ARE NEARBY. I stepped in between the trio, and said quietly "Stop. Stop it now." My mother almost slapped me in the face, I saw her hand go up, but she instead tried to push me to the side. I promptly put out my arms and yelled, once, "EVERYONE. OUT. NOW. THIS IS MY HOUSE. GET OUT."
My mother screeched at me, and I pointed at the door. She left. My brother promptly says "I'm leaving now. Dad, get the car ready." and starts packing. I plead with them not to go, it would make the kids even more upset. Eventually, they agree. I think maybe it's all over....but then my brother starts ranting.
He said this just confirms his plans, and that he's planning on "disappearing from everyone's lives" in a few months, and that he's been "making his money" lately by selling off his prescription drugs.
All I got out was "Do you KNOW what will happen to you if you get arrested again?!" and he walked off and said he was turning in for the night, he wasn't going to talk about it any more.
The next day, I just kind of hoped it was all blown over. My brother pretty much sulked around the house, but my father and I had a great time with the kids, playing with them and watching cartoons.
Then, the Big Seraph Screw Up.
I went to my PC room to check my email, and a few minutes later, my dad and brother also come in. Arguing like crazy. I'm trying to ignore it, but then I catch something my brother says.
He says he doesn't have rent money. Dad says thats ok, I've just transferred the money to your bank account. "But...what am I supposed to do about FOOD?!" Well, don't worry, Dad's transferring that over too, soon as the banks open.
"So, just rent and food?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! Sit around with my thumb up my ***?! You know what, dad? This is all your fault. You don't give me enough money to actually LIVE. My life is a s**thole all because you don't support me like you should be doing. My friends are a better family than this. At least they have my back!"
...Say what. I turn around and...I kid you not, my eye starts twitching. He's still going, though...and my dad is finally getting upset. He asks my brother if his friends would lay down theirs lives for him.
"That doesn't matter. No they wouldn't, they wouldn't have to. They're A BETTER FAMILY THAN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL PIECE OF S*** OF A FAMILY AND A LIFE I HAVE TO LIVE."
I snapped.
I leaped to my feet and....slugged him. Just punched him right in the face.
I was shaking, and screaming. I screamed at him to express some gratitude, how DARE he do this to his father, who bailed him out of jail, burnt his whole 401K on him, and is now facing multiple maxed out credit cards to boot. All for his sorry, ungrateful butt.
My brother snarled at me to shut up and back off, I had "no idea how hard his life was". Oh yeah? OH YEAH?!
I started verbally flaying him open, telling him some of the stuff I'd gone through, and that he didn't have to, because HE GOT EVERYTHING. He got the car, while I had to walk everywhere in zero degree weather while I was at college, because DAD GAVE HIM MY CAR. Hard life? Try hiding out in a bathroom because you're homeless, with a week old baby to take care of? HARD LIFE?! He got the money, a four room apartment, the Xboxes, while I lived in a dorm room and had people bashing on my windows and doors with broken beer bottles!
The entire time, I'm just screaming at him while he's backing out and down the hallway. My dad just stood there and watched.
My husband came tearing out from the den, where he'd been with the kids, and immediately grabbed me and tried to drag me away. I fought him, and went into Broken Seraph Mode, and started just yelling over and over "You had EVERYTHING and threw it away! HOW COULD YOU! You had EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" Husband ended up literally picking me up, and setting me down in the computer room, and slamming the door shut. I heard him yell at them that they should be ashamed of themselves, and that they needed to go somewhere else and leave me alone.
I broke down at this point, like a wuss. Sigh. Husband came back, talked with me for a bit, brought me a soda, and just sat there until I was done.
But....yeah. Now, my brother won't really speak with me. The most he did was over my dad giving me his old dad Xbox 360s (He was okay with it, up until we found out one still worked. Then he got mad, and threw a fit.)
I don't know what to do. I suppose I need to just let him go at this point...but its hard. I don't know if I can repair what I did, and frankly, even still, I'd probably hit him again if I had to do it all over again.
So....should I just let him go? Or should I try extra hard to make up for slugging him?
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