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  • #31
    I have emailed YWCA with a few questions I have. Scariest thing I've done so far.

    Still doing the job search thing. There's not a lot around here, and I'd have to depend on buses. I imagine the YWCA would be able to assist in employment and transportation, though, and once I got a job I could pay for a monthly bus pass.
    My Guide to Oblivion

    "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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    • #32
      Fingers crossed for you!

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      • #33
        Further guilt "testing" today in my opinion (IE somebody wants to test my resolve)...last night a member of their (late) father's father, his estranged son, contacted the Sister and came over today.

        Today, when the Mother had requested the Sister to pay the (very close to termination) electric bill, turn in a food stamp application, and maybe do some shopping. The Other Brother was invited over, stayed a few hours, and then left, came back, and The Sister took Amy (sans diaper bag, though she apparently worked something out) and went with him.

        (A note: I disliked this guy after a short period. He was poorly tattooed, and had a forceful [though genial] personality, which brought back rather painful memories of my father. Unfair of me? Yes. I can't help it...)

        We got a call a few hours ago that the drive was too long and therefore she would come back tomorrow morning...leaving us without a car should she arrive too late.

        She's said that before...and I know that no one will say a word because as her mother said, it will start an argument.


        ARGGGGGGGH.

        On the bright side I am realizing that the stigma of being technically "homeless" will be nil compared to the stress THIS is. The guesswork about when the argument is and how I could ever handle it without being chided by the Mother for "starting/making worse" an argument, etc, would stop.

        Reminds me of the Unicorn and the Wasp, and the "shock" the Doctor needed to get the poison out. Not dealing with this all day would be a shock like that, methinks.
        Last edited by Tama; 04-13-2013, 10:15 AM.
        My Guide to Oblivion

        "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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        • #34
          Re: saving money. I don't know how well/ if this will work for you, but the best way I know is to get a jar. As you get change back from your purchases, the coins and $1 bills no longer exist until you get home and they move into the jar.
          What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?

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          • #35
            That's actually a great idea. I've not got much occasion for buying things that produce change, but I'll be damned if I don't find a lot of pennies around the house, and Al on occasion (after paydays, that is, when he actually has money to spare) will hand over silver change.

            Local Coinstar's got a charge of about 8%, so I could always go that route.
            My Guide to Oblivion

            "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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            • #36
              So proud of you for contacting the YWCA. Ask if they provide an 'address of last resort' service for people who are trying to rebuild their lives - basically, somewhere you can pick up mail, and put down on job applications and the like.

              And yes, tell them why you want it. To make it easier to get a new job, build things back up.

              As for why you're 'the one having trouble moving out': I have some theories. But the wisest thing for me to say right now is to talk to the counsellors at the shelter. They've seen it a lot, and studied the theory of it in all its manifestations.

              And as for 'will I be vulnerable again?' - not to this. Not if you do gather your courage and get out. You'll recognise it, and stop it before it starts.
              Seshat's self-help guide:
              1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
              2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
              3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
              4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

              "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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              • #37
                No e-mail reply has come yet, but that could just mean that they're exceptionally busy. I'll have to see if I can call during naptime tomorrow, if the Sister isn't around. (She's usually not)

                I've started forming a list of things to bring (clothes, 2 bottles of water, notebooks, Dsi, etc etc, just a few) and as a result I seem to be thinking a lot more on the situation. Naturally the difficulty was turned up as usual, Al was really cuddly. I mentioned new jobs, and his response was the standard: he feels too beaten down to do anything about it. I keep trying to encourage him to no avail.

                One thing I did settle on was the best possible amount of money to take with me, which is $104. That would pay for the 1-Day bus pass, a week's rent, and a bit extra. The only problem would be keeping the money. Going to the pawn shop or Gamestop (in the case of a game or two that I have) results in having the Sister hover over my shoulder, and of course...food, since the Sister won't re-apply for foodstamps.

                However, if I can at least get to $64, that would be good. If I can't even get that far, though (yeah, I like to expect the worst), I DO know that I'd at least be able to get the $4 together.

                I'd also hate to just turn up and find that they HAVE no rooms, so I'll have to remember to call them...would stink to have to come back (though I doubt they'd just send me back), be found out...etc, etc...

                Anyway, I don't have a jar...I have an empty Pop-tart box. We're using all the jars at our house for other stuff.
                Last edited by Tama; 04-15-2013, 12:24 PM.
                My Guide to Oblivion

                "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

                Comment


                • #38
                  Quoth Tama View Post
                  ... We're using all the jars at our house for other stuff.
                  I hope it isn't this: Hayseed Dixie - I'm Keeping Your Poop
                  I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                  Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                  Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                  • #39
                    Oh heck no. Though I have been tempted at times to use other things or go outside for relief. There's one bathroom for four people here, and we all seem to have stomach problems at one point or another.
                    My Guide to Oblivion

                    "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I got an email reply, and she included an application, stuff I'd need, etc. ID and so forth.

                      My problem is the income bit, but I suppose that I can handle that. I just need to find a job first, before I apply. That, and I need to have an interview there. How the heck can I do an interview without being found out?

                      Looks like I'll be relying on the bus a lot.
                      My Guide to Oblivion

                      "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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                      • #41
                        Relying on the bus isn't a bad thing. Your doing this all right and I'm happy for you. One step at a time.

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                        • #42
                          The funny thing is, I have only ridden the bus once before in my entire life, and that was with someone else handling it. I've never done it on my own, always been driven everywhere. One more new thing to do.


                          I'm more concerned over the interview though, and how to do it without being found out.
                          My Guide to Oblivion

                          "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re. your comment on not wanting to go into food service - it isn't all bad. You get the horror stories on here because they are entertaining reading, or people want to get the grumbles off their chests. I'd recommend that you seriously consider any job that comes up in the right area, including food service or cleaning, because a) it's money, and b) it's a lot easier to get everything if you have a job, including another job.

                            I'd also like to chime in on the "no contact" thing - I appreciate that you have been with Al for a while and sympathize with him, but he comes with an awful lot of additional problems. I'd seriously recommend no contact for six months at least, and then make a decision at that point about whether you want to contact him again or not. Cut all ties, and try to get an objective look at your life.

                            And get him out of your bank account asap if you haven't done it before you leave! Also make sure all your personal information is wiped off the computers - all your logins, passwords, any history etc. Don't leave anything on there that could potentially cause problems later.

                            Good luck, and sending best wishes from the UK. You are strong, and you can do this.
                            I speak English, L33t, Sarcasm and basic Idiot.

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                            • #44
                              Quoth houdini View Post
                              And get him out of your bank account asap if you haven't done it before you leave! Also make sure all your personal information is wiped off the computers - all your logins, passwords, any history etc. Don't leave anything on there that could potentially cause problems later.
                              Agreed...check your credit reports when you're on your feet. I don't just mean the big three; but some of these speciality bureaus as well.
                              I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                              Who is John Galt?
                              -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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                              • #45
                                Quoth Tama View Post
                                I've checked out a couple other job websites, but my main issue is...I've never worked in food service -- I've heard tons of horror stories about quotas and such...and there are (seemingly) tons of jobs open in food service.
                                If you play your cards right, you may be able to score a job that works out for you and doesn't push as much towards certain quotas.

                                Don't forget that "food service" might also include working in preparing certain perishable goods for public consumption in a supermarket (ie the meat section, the deli* section, the produce section etc.). Sometimes those roles are more out the back, so you're not always having to deal with stupid customers.

                                *=YMMV, but generally the deli sections down here deal with your cold cuts, salads, some prepared meats and in most cases, seafood. (some places have a separate seafood department)
                                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                                Now queen of USSR-Land...

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