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So I just started a new job as a loader (see what I did with the title there? Yeah I know, i'm ashamed of myself too... puns are a horrible thing) at a certain home improvement store that begins with an "L" about a month back. Basically I help people load stuff into their cars and bring carts in when there's no one to help, pretty simple. To be honest, it's not the worst job i've ever had but there are a few ground rules I wish customers would take note of.
1.) I am NOT a mobile cart dispenser. We have literally hundreds of carts sitting right in front of the door. I'm not joking, go look. You have to walk *right* past them to get in the doors. So why in the world would you bother me while i'm collecting them from the parking lot, making me stop what i'm doing just to give you a stupid cart and then watch as we wheel it right past all the ones already piled up? Even worse are the lazy jerks that ask me to get them a cart when i'm not even doing anything related to carts. You have legs. Use them.
2.) On the same note, I'm also not a mobile cart return. If i'm pushing a line of 8 or 9 carts back to the store it's because that's how many I want to be pushing back. The things get damn hard to steer and I have to do it all day so when you come up and just push a cart onto the end of the line (which is also dangerous and stupid) it's pretty damn annoying.
3.) You know what, just don't talk to me about carts. Seriously. The next person that tells me to get them a cart is going to have one pushed towards them at high speed... after I tell them no and they turn around.
4.) You are *not* going to be able to fit 3 large cabinets and a table inside your minivan, I don't care how far you have to drive. No. Not even if we shift it that way. No, that won't work either. Oh great, now your wife is chiming in too. What's that? We can take out the seats? Yeah, that won't work either. Oh! We can turn it on its side? Really, now why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Remember when I pulled out that shiny thing that made the funny noises when I rolled it out and back in? Remember how I held it up the back of your car then the cabinets and told you they wouldn't fit? Yeah, that was a magical device I like to call a "tape measurer" and it told me that wouldn't work either. It also told me you're a freaking idiot. Seriously, what part of physically impossible can't you comprehend?
5.) This is my job, I do it 5 days a week. I know how to load stuff into your truck. Yes, i'm sure I can lift this. Yes, i'm positive this won't damage the product or your truck. No, this 80 pound bag of cement won't slide around the bed of your truck and damage anything. You know what? Just do it yourself. Why even call me out here if you aren't going to let me do my job?
6.) Hey, you. Yeah, you, the stupid witch in the white minivan glaring at me and making the "what the hell are you thinking" hand motions. I stopped this line of carts when you were still two aisles back, I think it's safe to say I saw you. Just because you didn't notice me until just now doesn't mean I was running full speed at you. In fact, I probably could have made it all the way past before you got here but I was trying to be nice. All you've proven is that I can pay more attention to my surroundings while pushing 8 carts than you can while operating something that can easily kill someone. Honestly the fact that you're even allowed behind the wheel terrifies and intrigues me.
7.) I don't know the answer to your question, i'm just a loader heading back to recieving to grab something. But that gentleman over there would be glad to help you out, he works in this department. Yes, I know you're just asking where something is and if it will work for you, what i'm saying is I don't know the answer to either of those questions. This is a very large store and all I do is push carts and help people load things, you really don't need to be a dick about it.
And don't even get me started on management....
1.) I am NOT a mobile cart dispenser. We have literally hundreds of carts sitting right in front of the door. I'm not joking, go look. You have to walk *right* past them to get in the doors. So why in the world would you bother me while i'm collecting them from the parking lot, making me stop what i'm doing just to give you a stupid cart and then watch as we wheel it right past all the ones already piled up? Even worse are the lazy jerks that ask me to get them a cart when i'm not even doing anything related to carts. You have legs. Use them.
2.) On the same note, I'm also not a mobile cart return. If i'm pushing a line of 8 or 9 carts back to the store it's because that's how many I want to be pushing back. The things get damn hard to steer and I have to do it all day so when you come up and just push a cart onto the end of the line (which is also dangerous and stupid) it's pretty damn annoying.
3.) You know what, just don't talk to me about carts. Seriously. The next person that tells me to get them a cart is going to have one pushed towards them at high speed... after I tell them no and they turn around.
4.) You are *not* going to be able to fit 3 large cabinets and a table inside your minivan, I don't care how far you have to drive. No. Not even if we shift it that way. No, that won't work either. Oh great, now your wife is chiming in too. What's that? We can take out the seats? Yeah, that won't work either. Oh! We can turn it on its side? Really, now why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Remember when I pulled out that shiny thing that made the funny noises when I rolled it out and back in? Remember how I held it up the back of your car then the cabinets and told you they wouldn't fit? Yeah, that was a magical device I like to call a "tape measurer" and it told me that wouldn't work either. It also told me you're a freaking idiot. Seriously, what part of physically impossible can't you comprehend?
5.) This is my job, I do it 5 days a week. I know how to load stuff into your truck. Yes, i'm sure I can lift this. Yes, i'm positive this won't damage the product or your truck. No, this 80 pound bag of cement won't slide around the bed of your truck and damage anything. You know what? Just do it yourself. Why even call me out here if you aren't going to let me do my job?
6.) Hey, you. Yeah, you, the stupid witch in the white minivan glaring at me and making the "what the hell are you thinking" hand motions. I stopped this line of carts when you were still two aisles back, I think it's safe to say I saw you. Just because you didn't notice me until just now doesn't mean I was running full speed at you. In fact, I probably could have made it all the way past before you got here but I was trying to be nice. All you've proven is that I can pay more attention to my surroundings while pushing 8 carts than you can while operating something that can easily kill someone. Honestly the fact that you're even allowed behind the wheel terrifies and intrigues me.
7.) I don't know the answer to your question, i'm just a loader heading back to recieving to grab something. But that gentleman over there would be glad to help you out, he works in this department. Yes, I know you're just asking where something is and if it will work for you, what i'm saying is I don't know the answer to either of those questions. This is a very large store and all I do is push carts and help people load things, you really don't need to be a dick about it.
And don't even get me started on management....
I don't think I could ever do your job on a daily bases. Drives me batty finding shopping carts all over the parking lot, especially when there's an area to put the carts not ten feet away. I'll generally grab any floating carts near me and put them away, which drives the fiance batty since a two minute walk to the store entrance is now taking five 
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