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As you may have (probably not) noticed I have been suspiciously absent. Mainly due to the Festering Death Plague(tm). I came down with the flu and lost my voice last week at work. I ended up having to call in sick for half my work week ( Argh...I call in sick like once a year to begin with and never more then one day in a row. I hang my head in defeat ). Thus there was not much to post and I was laying on the couch making a funny gurgling noise anyway.
But here are the handful of lost entries from last week... -.-
Skreeee~
( This is an emergency glass company that fixes windows on homes/businesses if you get broken into at 4am. What they do is very obvious from the company name ).
SC: "Is this a glass place?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "I was pouring myself like a glass of coke."
Me: "…ok…"
SC: "and I guess I squeezed the glass to hard or something cus it broke. Can you fix it?"
If I wasn't coughing so much I'd spit a wad of gooey venom in your face like that little dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Then I would shriek and bite you in the face.
867
Me: "Ok, and what's your name?"
SC: "Wha?"
Me: "Your name, please"
(At this point she tags out to some other nitwit who picks up the line)
SC: "Huh?"
Me: "Your name?"
SC: "……"
A moment later
Me: "You'd like to place an order?"
SC: "Huh?"
(Nitwit tag out)
Me:"Would you like to place an order?"
SC: "What are you talking about?"
Tag out, time passes…
Me:"and the product ID?"
SC: "xxxx-xx"
Me: "Ok, unfortunately that’s out of stock."
SC: "Oh, I'll phone back tomorrow then. <click>"
It already IS tomorrow! I'm honestly surprised you gave up after only one item. Are your pants needs finally fulfilled? Did we finally cloth the entire village? Do you actually have all the hats you require to survive the spring? Colour me skeptical, but I think you're hiding something from me. You're up to something aren't you? This is some sort of strange plot or perhaps merely a strategic feint…? Once my guard is down you'll strike and call me back with a demand for like $800 more worth of pants. I'll be buried in pants and pink camo. Then I will be at your cruel, filthy, beer bellied mac & cheese with hot dogs and ketchup mercy.
Hisss
Me: "Did you get a customer id number?"
SC: "I don't know, did I?"
I don't know, that’s why I asked. You can't just ask me the same question I asked you. That’s not how this works. See, I present you with an inquiry, then you present me with an answer. Then, together, hand in hand through a grassy field of flowers, we move on to the next question. It’s kind of like a trade you see. A sharing of information. So lets just answer the question, move on and get this bleak moment of my life over with as soon as possible.
Kara's Twits
SC: "What are you there for?"
Me: "Tech support."
SC: "Wha? Untech Support?"
Me: "No, Tech Support."
SC: "Oh."
…Untech Support? What the hell is Untech Support? Providing assistance to people who can't operate primitive devices as opposed to high tech ones? Wait, did you need untech support? Because I guess I'm pretty well versed in untech support too. What is it you need? A walk through on how to tell which is the front of your underwear? Step by step directions for boiling water? Or is it something REALLY complicated like flossing? I assure you I'm highly qualified in all categories.
867
Me: "Good evening, <company na-"
SC: "Sorry…..order! COD."
Ah, yes, get right to the point shall we? Who needs those pesky complete sentences. Just give me a verb and a noun and I'll figure it out. In fact break it down even further if you want. I know even 2-3 words is probably still putting some latent mental strain on you. Speak to me in your native language. I'm sure I can figure it out. You know that one you've spoken since birth that's comprised entirely of a series of grunts, huhs and the "fsssh~" sound a can of beer makes when you open it. Yeah, that one. Let us bridge the gap between man and……whatever it is you are….snow ape I guess. Are you with me?
One grunt for yes, one fsssh~ for no.
I now return to my regularly scheduled suffering... >.>
But here are the handful of lost entries from last week... -.-
Skreeee~
( This is an emergency glass company that fixes windows on homes/businesses if you get broken into at 4am. What they do is very obvious from the company name ).
SC: "Is this a glass place?"
Me: "Yes."
SC: "I was pouring myself like a glass of coke."
Me: "…ok…"
SC: "and I guess I squeezed the glass to hard or something cus it broke. Can you fix it?"
If I wasn't coughing so much I'd spit a wad of gooey venom in your face like that little dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Then I would shriek and bite you in the face.
867
Me: "Ok, and what's your name?"
SC: "Wha?"
Me: "Your name, please"
(At this point she tags out to some other nitwit who picks up the line)
SC: "Huh?"
Me: "Your name?"
SC: "……"
A moment later
Me: "You'd like to place an order?"
SC: "Huh?"
(Nitwit tag out)
Me:"Would you like to place an order?"
SC: "What are you talking about?"
Tag out, time passes…
Me:"and the product ID?"
SC: "xxxx-xx"
Me: "Ok, unfortunately that’s out of stock."
SC: "Oh, I'll phone back tomorrow then. <click>"
It already IS tomorrow! I'm honestly surprised you gave up after only one item. Are your pants needs finally fulfilled? Did we finally cloth the entire village? Do you actually have all the hats you require to survive the spring? Colour me skeptical, but I think you're hiding something from me. You're up to something aren't you? This is some sort of strange plot or perhaps merely a strategic feint…? Once my guard is down you'll strike and call me back with a demand for like $800 more worth of pants. I'll be buried in pants and pink camo. Then I will be at your cruel, filthy, beer bellied mac & cheese with hot dogs and ketchup mercy.
Hisss
Me: "Did you get a customer id number?"
SC: "I don't know, did I?"
I don't know, that’s why I asked. You can't just ask me the same question I asked you. That’s not how this works. See, I present you with an inquiry, then you present me with an answer. Then, together, hand in hand through a grassy field of flowers, we move on to the next question. It’s kind of like a trade you see. A sharing of information. So lets just answer the question, move on and get this bleak moment of my life over with as soon as possible.
Kara's Twits
SC: "What are you there for?"
Me: "Tech support."
SC: "Wha? Untech Support?"
Me: "No, Tech Support."
SC: "Oh."
…Untech Support? What the hell is Untech Support? Providing assistance to people who can't operate primitive devices as opposed to high tech ones? Wait, did you need untech support? Because I guess I'm pretty well versed in untech support too. What is it you need? A walk through on how to tell which is the front of your underwear? Step by step directions for boiling water? Or is it something REALLY complicated like flossing? I assure you I'm highly qualified in all categories.
867
Me: "Good evening, <company na-"
SC: "Sorry…..order! COD."
Ah, yes, get right to the point shall we? Who needs those pesky complete sentences. Just give me a verb and a noun and I'll figure it out. In fact break it down even further if you want. I know even 2-3 words is probably still putting some latent mental strain on you. Speak to me in your native language. I'm sure I can figure it out. You know that one you've spoken since birth that's comprised entirely of a series of grunts, huhs and the "fsssh~" sound a can of beer makes when you open it. Yeah, that one. Let us bridge the gap between man and……whatever it is you are….snow ape I guess. Are you with me?
One grunt for yes, one fsssh~ for no.
I now return to my regularly scheduled suffering... >.>
dammit dammit dammit Will I never learn? That's the second time today - I don't think my keyboard can take any more Coke on it. 
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