iHell comes to phone town...

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

It's another Apple launch weekend and this year we get the bonus added fun of the cellular enabled Apple Watch too...great...just great....

Keep hiring, assholes!

SC: I had to wait 11 minutes to talk to you, what the hell?
Me: I'm sorry for the delay ma'am, we always see high call volumes on iphone launch weekend.
SC: Well this is just completely unacceptable. MY time is VERY important and I have MUCH better things to do than waste it waiting on hold.
Me: Again, I apologize for that but I'm happy to--
SC: Be QUIET and let me talk!! I cannot believe your company disrespects its customers like this. You should hire more people so we don't have to wait as long.
Me: And I'm all for that ma'am, now if you'd like--
SC: BE QUIET. I'm the customer, you're the employee. You shut up, I talk and you don't say a word until I tell you, okay?
Me: Well, that's not really how-
SC: OKAY?
Me: Again, that's not really how--
SC: OKAY??
Me: No.
SC: WHAT?!
Me: No.
SC: HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE THIS STUPID EXCUSE OF A COMPANY INSULT ME THIS WAY!! I WILL NOT HAVE THIS! YOU DON'T HIRE ENOUGH PEOPLE, YOU DON'T TREAT ME WITH THE RESPECT I DESERVE! YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!! *CLICK*

If you're wondering if I needed a drink after this call, the answer is yes. Also notice that she spent the whole call ranting at me instead of actually trying to fix whatever problem she had.

In which I am threatened with bodily harm

Customer lives in a crappy coverage area. Isn't really interested in the options we have to improve coverage. Then he demands, DEMANDS that a technician be sent out to his area to investigate the situation and improve his signal.

I tell him I can file a trouble report with the network team and IF THEY DEEM NECESSARY they can send someone out, but the signal problems in all likelihood are due to something beyond our control.

Dude FLIPS OUT. Demands a tech comes out. DEMANDS we send a truck out and says he will refuse to disconnect the call with me until I tell the EXACT TIME said truck will be there.

Oh and he wants $10 000 from our company because (you know what's coming), he "Runs a business" off his phone and we're costing him boatloads of money.

According to his account, the guy is a valuable customer, at least in the sense that he spends a lot of money with us and pays his bill on time so my manager very graciously offered him $200.

Well that set him off again and he again demanded $10 000 and again demanded for a truck to be sent out this very insistent. I told him again I couldn't do that, to which he replied word for word: "You listen to me you piece of s*t, you send out a truck out here right now or I will rip your f***ing throat out!"

Here's the part where I love my manager. I don't usually get agitated on calls beause quite frankly I've been at this so long it takes a lot to get to me but this guy was doing the job. My manager saw how I was acting and started listening to the call. So when the dude threatened me, my manager jumped in right then and there to basically tell him this call was over, his account is now notated that he has threatened <Red Checkmark> employees and he's going to be very lucky if the police don't hear about this.

Not the best way to end a day but at least I was able to blow off some steam at the gym after.

Angry hangup #1

Guy has a Samsung phone, wants my help in backing it up. The process is a little more difficult on Android than on iPhone but it's really not THAT hard. So I give the guy three options to easily back up his data and transfer it to a new phone. He practically goes ballistic on me because he's upset that his phone doesn't have a magical "Back Stuff up now" button that he can hit and it will do everything for him. He called me an arrogant jackass before hanging up.

Angry hangup #2

I do feel for this lady...to a point. You see, her phone randomly erased her contacts. Okay, that sucks but phones sometimes do that. That's why smart people keep their contacts backed up. Perhaps you can see where this is headed...

I was really thorough. Made sure app settings were right, checked every account I could think of, even did some Googling to see if there was anything I hadn't thought of and nada. So I told her unfortunately the only thing she could do was manually enter the numbers back into the phone. As soon as I said that, she called me "completely and utterly useless" and the line went dead.

Let me make something painfully clear here: Your wireless carrier has very limited ability to affect the data and apps on your device. The SERVICES yes, but the rest of it comes from the device manufacturers and software developers, NOT your carrier!

I can't magically unlock a phone when you forgot your passcode. I can't remotely wipe or locate your device. I can't block numbers from calling you. There are apps and services that can do all these things but the onus is on YOU to do that, not me.

Scream 5: The Revenge

SC: MY PHONE WON'T WORK, FIX IT, FIX IT!
Me: Okay, calm down. I can help you. What's going on with it?
SC: TOO SLOW! FREEZING! FIX IT! FIX IT!
Me: When did you start having problems with it?
SC: FIX IT!
Me: I'll be happy to, but first I need to--
SC: FIX IT! WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG??
Me:
Me: I need to ask you some questions and run some tests to get it fixed. Probably take about ten minutes.
SC: I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG! YOU SUCK! STUPID SONS OF BITCHES! *CLICK*

I'm assuming drugs might have been involved in this one but I really don't know.

A lovely ride on the Failboat

Guy spends $400 buying a phone from some other dude off Facebook.

Guess where this is going? Come on, guess....

If you said "That damn thing was reported stolen", CONGRATULATIONS!

Unfortunately, this guy wasn't really having it...

- No, I can't give you the name or number of the account it's on.
- No, I can't call that person and conference them in
- No, I can't credit your account $400
- No, this is not <Red Checkmark>'s fault
- No, this is not <Red Checkmark>'s fault
- No, this is not <Red Checkmark>'s fault
- No, I can't credit your account $400

Sometimes the best way to learn a lesson is the tough way.

[apocolypse101]

Oh and he wants $10,000 from our company because (you know what's coming), he "Runs a business" off his phone and we're costing him boatloads of money.

[/sarcasm]
Oy Vey! I SERIOUSLY need to re-prioritize if that dude is telling the truth. I mean, who needs a college degree if this dude is obviously making over $10K in a couple of hours using just his phone!
[/sarcasm]

According to his account, the guy is a valuable customer, at least in the sense that he spends a lot of money with us and pays his bill on time so my manager very graciously offered him $200.

That's actually REALLY generous on Red Checkmark's part.

[Pixelated]

And this is why I've never wanted a job where I am on the phone all the time.

I hate being on the phone to start with (I really have no idea why) and having to be polite to asshats would like would be well-nigh impossible by the end of my shift.

[Monterey Jack]

SC: MY PHONE WON'T WORK, FIX IT, FIX IT!
SC: TOO SLOW! FREEZING! FIX IT! FIX IT!
SC: FIX IT!
SC: FIX IT! WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG??

Yelling something over and over does not help it to become a reality.

[earl colby pottinger]

Is it not interesting that all these people who will lose thousands of dollars for every hour their phone will not work are not willing to spend a few hundred of dollars for business service where the service and up-time is guaranteed?

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Is it not interesting that all these people who will lose thousands of dollars for every hour their phone will not work are not willing to spend a few hundred of dollars for business service where the service and up-time is guaranteed?

Not to mention reliable devices. A few weeks ago I had a guy who was "running a business" from a PREPAID PHONE! He was paying $50/month for the service and paid $60 outright for the phone.

Well gee sir, I can't imagine why a POS $60 phone would be giving you all those problems , maybe you should take this as a lesson in what happens when you are too much of a freaking cheapsake for your own damned good.

[Deserted]

Not to mention reliable devices. A few weeks ago I had a guy who was "running a business" from a PREPAID PHONE! He was paying $50/month for the service and paid $60 outright for the phone.

Well gee sir, I can't imagine why a POS $60 phone would be giving you all those problems , maybe you should take this as a lesson in what happens when you are too much of a freaking cheapsake for your own damned good.

...or else learn to not bitch about it. I went super-cheap on my phone (it was one of those "free when you switch to us" phones), and do I bitch about it to my carrier? Of course not. (On the other hand, I do bitch about it to my friends, my brother, etc. -- but I'm not asking them to pay me for it.)

[AccountingDrone]

Hubby used to work for Red Checkmark in the call center near Hartford CT, and I *feel* your pain.

I will be honest, we have had our cell service from them since before he worked there back in the mid 2000s, and while connectivity at the farm was usually in the low bars, we didn't complain, we usually got whatever phone was issued free because all we used it for was communication and an occasional 'honey I'm running late' text, and in general the service levels were fine. I really don't see why people complain all the freaking time, but I am part of the whole military family 'shut up and wait till we tell you you can do something' culture.

[Red Checkmark was the only allowed type of cell phone service in many buildings on base because of some security thing, they couldn't be turned on remotely or something like that? DOn't ask me, I was interested in shifting to the other format because I wanted a dual sim card US/Europe phone so I wouldn't have 2 freaking phones, and I wanted the Immortal Nokia for the heck of it.]

[been_there]

I've enjoyed remarkably good customer service from Red Checkmark, on the rare occasions I've had problems.

However, I think I got a gold star in my account for the time that I walked into a Red Checkmark store and announced, "I ran my phone through the washer. I'm an idiot. I need a new phone, and it's my fault."

As opposed to "It just stopped working and I don't know whyyyyyy. I'm a loyal customer blah blah blah..."

A. I'm constitutionally incapable of pulling off a big lie. B. Like they can't tell the phone was submerged/agitated/spun/fabric softened.