Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The Customer Complaint Letter Game

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Dear Ms. Titlement-Queen,

    Your demand for a gift card and a shop all to yourself was met with much laughter by all of my employees, especially since we JUST finished cleaning up the mess you and the others of your ilk left behind.

    I'm not sure what you were planning to make with your fabric selections of puce and mustard, but the gold lame really won't make them any better, and neither will the fluorescent yellow. Fortunately, we were going to clearance those, so the fact that you didn't pay for your $425 worth of fabric won't hurt us too much since they'll just be added to the remnant piles.

    However, you have earned a perma-ban for threatening our cashier with a plastic salmon. We have also passed around your name and picture to the other local fabic stores for a good laugh, so you might have problems finding a place to put up with your abuse. May I suggest that you do your fabric shopping online?

    Yours,

    Joann F. Ricks
    Manager

    ---------------------------------

    To Whom It May Concern:

    Much to my display, when I attempted to call for support on Thursday, your office was closed. My business is very important, and your office claims to provide support 7 days per week, but OBVIOUSLY this is a falsehood.

    When I called on Sunday, the young woman sounded shocked when I accused her of not doing her job, stammering out something about Thanksgiving. Well, I certainly wasn't giving thanks to a company that wasn't open!

    I INSIST that your office remain open every day of the year, even if your employees want a pesky holiday. I'm self-employed so I work every day of the year, so your company should too! Any day off that you have causes me to lose business!

    Please consider that I may take my business elsewhere, even though you are the largest and best provider in the area and the only one that actually provides phone support in the evenings and weekends... the fact that were you closed on Thursday when I NEEDED you negates any good that you have to offer!

    Sincerely,

    Ree L. Tor


    PS. I know the CEO and I will be discussing this with her.



    (And yes, I just had this call. Seriously.)
    "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" - The Truman Show

    Comment


    • Dear Ms Tor,
      The reason you could not reach our employees was because it was Thanksgiving. Our employees have such days off. While I appreciate that you work "every day of the year" it would not be viable for us to make our employees follow such a schedule. You are free to take your business elsewhere, however I know of no company that offers 24/7/365 service.

      Sincerely

      Ann U. Itty
      CEO
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Dear Manager:

      My daughter went to your gas station the other day and she had a horrible experience. She needed gas but your so-called "employee" made her wait. She drove a new Lexus she should get service before any of the people in trashy cars. She waited for THREE MINUTES for someone to come to her but no one didi she left and ran out of gas. Since all of this was caused by your refusal to follow proper social protocol. You are responsible for my daughter's emotional trauma and therapy, her cell phone bill and the towing fees. Pay my daughter's bills and wit on her first whenever she comes to your station. She is worth more than you are any of your grubby employees.
      Sincerely,

      Alexis Driver

      Comment


      • Dear Miss Tor,

        We give employees major holidays off so they can spend time with their families. Enclosed is a travel agent package since we believe you need a vacation from working 24/7.

        Sincerely,

        CEO



        Dear Grocery Store Manager,

        I told the service desk employee to watch my 4 year old daughter. She gave me an excuse of having too much work to do while standing there doing nothing. I want this employee fired for being rude to me by refusing to watch my daughter so I could shop. Since I'm expecting another daughter in a couple months, I also want a $2,000 gift card, free baby formula, and free diapers or I will never shop at your store again.

        Sincerely,

        Mrs. Children
        Last edited by purplecat41877; 12-18-2010, 03:31 AM.
        My Fanfic Page
        My Fiction Page
        My Social Group
        My Pet Social Group
        My You Tube Channel

        Comment


        • Dear Ms. Driver and Mrs. Children,

          I'm typing this up as one letter, and sending a copy to each of you, as this is quite intriguing.

          It appears that both of you, or in the case of Ms. Driver, it was your daughter, visited my business; the grocery store with gasoline available. Are the two of you related? Sisters perhaps? The reason I ask, is I can picture the 4 year old Children youngster, becoming just like the young Miss Driver in about 12 to 13 years. Feeling that the world owes her something, in part by emulating Mommy and her expectations of service people, and in part for being needy in general, due to negligent parenting.

          Ms. Driver, I see you live in New Jersey. Unlike there and in Oregon my business that your daughter visited offers only Self-service gas, because my State, and 47 others trust that people are smart enough to pump their own gas, without blowing the whole town up. (Then again, maybe Jersey and Oregon are onto something.) So, your daughter if able bodied, was responsible for pumping her own gas.

          Mrs. Children, We are NOT a childcare service. 'nuff said!

          So, my answer to you both, regarding your demands, is NO! And I weep for those who will be our future adults.

          Sincerely,

          Ethyl Asparagus
          Manager
          Gas-n-Grocery



          =========================



          Dear Department Store Manager:

          Imagine my horror, when I drove clear across town in inclement weather, pre-paid $25.00 and waited in line for two hours, only to have that Santa you had there make my nine month old baby cry!

          I have never been so appalled in my life!

          I can't believe you would hire such a scary Santa! I'm afraid my little precious baby will be scarred for life by this traumatic experience!

          I demand, a full refund, reimbursement for gas, photoshopping of the pictures to make my baby look happy, (and they better be perfect and look real!), a $500.00 gift card, and full payment for my child to go to therapy over the next 17 years and three months!

          Sincerely,
          Ima Lou Zeemom
          Meow.........

          Comment


          • Dear Ms. Zeemom,

            We do make every effort for our store Santa to be as kindly, jolly, and fun for the kids as we can. I spoke to the gentleman who is playing Santa for us this year about your child, and was told that when you approached with your infant, he wasn't sure how to react. He assumed that you understood that only human children are allowed in the store, and that while the idea of having a photo of your pet chimpanzee taken on the lap of Santa was a cute idea, it was beyond the purview of his employment. May we suggest the Santa at the local pet store?

            Sincerely,

            Dirk McQuickly
            Manager
            Big Ol' Department Store

            *** *** ***

            Dear manager,

            I was shopping at your store today and I must say that your restrooms are quite lovely and clean. However, I was distressed to see that I was unable to remove the toilet paper roll from its holder. Your toilet paper is placed as a convenience to your customers. How am I to have toilet paper at home if I can't have the paper you provide? Unrolling the entire roll is messy. I'd like to be able to take the whole roll with me.

            Thank you,

            Ima Niddiot
            Enjoy my latest stupid quest for immortality. http://1001plus.blogspot.com/

            Comment


            • Dear Ms. Niddoit:
              The toilet paper is from our backroom stock, and if you took any without paying you would be shoplifting. In addition the toilet paper is there for the use of all our customers. But thank you for your letter now we know what happened to the 5 rolls of toilet paper that mysteriously vanished.
              Yours,

              Jan I. Tore
              manger
              --------------------------------------------------------------------
              Dear manger of big blue store:
              My daughter was recently mistreated in such an awful way that I brings me to tears thinking about it. She was arrested for shoplifting in your store. First of all she was just the lookout she wasn't doing any stealing, and it wasn't her idea to shoplift anyway, it was the idea of one of her friends who has been suspended 5 times from school and is a trouble maker. the arrest is illegal anyway since the person who detained them wasn't in uniform. i demand a full public and a hand written,apology , dismissal of the charges against my innocent daughter , and a $500,000 gift card. If you do not give me these things I will go to the media and tell them how you mistreated my poor innocent daughter.
              Sincerely..

              Patty Larceni

              Comment


              • Dear Ms. Larceni,

                Since your daughter knew about the shoplifting and was the lookout, that makes her an accomplice so we will not drop the charges. Also, your requests for an apology and gift card are denied.

                Sincerely,

                Blue Store Manager



                Dear College Dean,

                You had absolutely no right to expel me. All I did was make a copy of the test answers for my algebra test so I could pass my midterm. I broke into the faculty lounge late at night, found the test, made a copy, and left. If you don't let me back in your college, I will plant cherry bombs all over campus.

                Sincerely,

                C.H. Eater
                My Fanfic Page
                My Fiction Page
                My Social Group
                My Pet Social Group
                My You Tube Channel

                Comment


                • Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss/Other Eater,

                  On the off chance that you should be reading this e-mail, before Homeland Security comes knocking at your door, I thought I'd let you know that the only thing you will be planting is cherry tomatoes in the Federal Prison Sustainable Garden.

                  See ya in 20 years or so!

                  Snickereingly,

                  Dr. Dean Colliege; PHD,
                  College Dean
                  Cole-Edge College


                  ----------------------------

                  Dear Auto Manufacturer,

                  I was thoroughly appalled, when I visited the Parts Department of your Authorized Dealer in my Town, and they did not have a steering knuckle in stock for my 1960 Putzmobile!

                  I could actually understand a part that is a bit obscure, and belonging to such an old vehicle not being in stock, (although that shows extremely poor Customer Service), but to find out that it's no longer being manufactured, thus couldn't be over-nighted from your main warehouse is unacceptable. Further, this part is unique to my year of Putzmobile. It was redesigned for my year, and then again the next year. Why in God's name did you do that?!?

                  This would not be such a big issue, except that I had planned to go to the Annual Putzmobile Wintermeet this weekend, so had gone to pull the car out of my garage a couple days ahead of time to change the oil and wash it, when I discovered the steering knuckle issue.

                  So, instead of being at the Wintermeet, I'm sitting here on a Saturday Morning, typing this letter to you.

                  I demand full restoration of my Putzmobile, (the last resto is about ten years old), free Dealer service on any and all of your cars I own for the rest of my life, and oh, yes, a free one of them new fangled electric cars you're introducing this model year.

                  Signed,

                  Mort R. Head
                  Meow.........

                  Comment


                  • Dear Mr Head,

                    I'm sorry to hear of your troubles; however, the only help I can offer is a recommendation to try ebay or drive a more modern vehicle.

                    Yours,

                    Mr Couldntgiveatoss, Auto Manufacturer.

                    ~~~

                    Dear Manager of Super-Market,

                    I came into your store after it had snowed and tried to stock up with milk for the coming days ahead. I filled two trolleyloads and then along with my husband, walked to checkouts. To my utter disgust, the cashier refused to allow me to buy the milk. She muttered about some crap about rationing the milk to two bottles per person, but to my mind, who cares if some lazy old lady doesn't get any just cuz I swiped the lot? She should have gotten here earlier, that's what I say.

                    I demand a full written apology, a gift voucher and the cashier to be given full customer service retraining... outside in the cold so she can be inconvienienced just as much as she inconvienienced me.

                    Yours, Mrs Ima Greedybtch.
                    People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                    My DeviantArt.

                    Comment


                    • Dear Greedybitch:

                      Our ad flyers and in-store signage clearly states "Limit two per person."

                      If you need more milk than that, I suggest you invest in your own cow or a breast milk pump.

                      Regards,
                      Super-Market Manager

                      -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                      Dear Ebay:

                      Why the f did you throw me off ebay? Show me the rule that says I can't respond to negative feedbacks with "f you" or send disgruntled buyers a horse head free of charge.

                      What are these idiots complaining for anyhow? So what if I waited three weeks to send their stuff out and sent them broken items instead of the pristine ones pictured in my auctions? I'm very sick and I need the money.

                      I had a long history of selling with you and many satisfied customers. I'm taking all my business to Craigslist from now on.

                      Roy
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                      Comment


                      • Dear Roy

                        I'm sorry to hear that you felt upset when you were taken down for fraudulent transactions. Our rules clearly specify our right to do that. Also your behavior was motive enough to take your account down. Thank you for revealing your address to us. You see, the other customers you cheated wanted your address to send their subpoena against you, and now we can make them happy again.

                        We will also sue you for all the damage you caused to our brand.

                        We are sorry to hear that Craiglist is threatened to handle your affairs. We will make sure they know what type of "customer" you are. As for you being sick, we believe you. Only sick people send horse heads to clients.

                        Your long history of selling is going to end really soon, and you'll be awarded with free accommodations for a long time on behalf of the state. Your address has already been sent to the police.

                        Sincerely
                        Bit E. Meschmuck
                        Ebay Fraud Division



                        =====================

                        Dear HellP Computers

                        I'm very disappointed with your support when I called for help as I assembled the computer I bought from you!

                        First In the supplied instructions (which btw are faulty) you mention that when I push the button in the middle of the case I would see images on the TV thing. I did see a big black nothing!

                        Apparently, you don't know nothing! Why should I open all those windows? Don't you know it's freezing cold? Who will pay for the heating costs if I must have all those windows open just to use my computer?

                        Second. When you told me that the thick black cord must be plugged in the wall I told that it was in the extension cord. My friend told me that to avoid having viruses the extension cord must plug into itself. Why should the computer be plugged into the wall? It's WIRELESS!!!

                        Third. Your support representative, Steve or Jo-Ann or whatever the idiot is called, had the nerve to imply that I ruined the computer and that no refund will be given, by taking it apart and tidying all those black squares that were on the green plate. They were all scattered around, now the computer should function much better as I glued them into one corner.

                        I demand that you fix my computer without charge. I also demand that you give me enough computers to start a LAN party in my college.These must be the latest model with the fastest hardware there is. And Finally I WANT A NEW MOOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!oneeleven!!!!!

                        Don't come with your sh*t that I don't know what I'm talking. I've bought 1 million different master grades in computer science!

                        Sincerely
                        Ikno W. Computer
                        Supereducated Computer Master
                        Last edited by Daemonmonkey; 12-20-2010, 03:57 PM.

                        Comment


                        • [HellP Computers' Lead Tech's Brain] BSOD [/HellP Computers' Lead Tech's Brain]



                          ========================

                          Dear Milton & Margaret's Toy Store,

                          Your small toy store is only a few blocks away from where I live.

                          I lead a very busy life, and was hoping to do some of my Christmas shopping during non-traditional store hours.

                          When I heard that Toys-B-We was going to be open 88 hours straight leading up to Christmas, I figured you would do the same thing in order to remain competitive.

                          Imagine my horror, when my friend who shopped there earlier today, told me that you were only going to be open your normal hours. (She had asked whichever one of you that had waited on her, knowing I was curious as to whether you'd be open the extended hours.)

                          I realize that both of you are 95 years old, and just the two of you have owned and run your store for 70 years, but I think this shows very poor customer service. I was really hoping to avoid the five mile drive each way to get to We-B-Toys, to buy my Children's presents.

                          I think you should reconsider this decision, and if not, allow me to go on a $1,000.00 shopping spree, (I'm quite sure a small operation such as yours does not have gift cards or certificates available), sometime after the Holidays, (Although i don't know when I could ever make it in, since I lead a very busy life!)

                          I mean, Think of the Children!!

                          Cordially,

                          Ima Vera Bizzy-Entitledperson
                          Last edited by JustaCashier; 12-23-2010, 04:28 AM. Reason: I'm a pathetic, parenthetically challenged, dumbass.
                          Meow.........

                          Comment


                          • Dear Entitledperson :

                            You young whippersnappers with your busy schedules and your Smirnoff Ices and your Billy Joel and your Atari video games! In our day, stores were open 3 hours a day and closed weekends, and by gar we got along just fine!

                            You people have attention spans that can only be measured in MTV music videos. I wouldn't have my store open that long or give you a $1,000 shopping spree if Mildred and I both got a gold-plated colostomy bag out of the deal.

                            Regards,
                            Uncle Milty

                            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                            Dear California Pizza Kitchen:

                            I was in one of your restaurants around the Fourth of July with some friends and tried to use a coupon when I ordered.

                            Imagine my shock and horror when the server told us the coupon I tried to use wouldn't be accepted! Something about an "expiration date" or something. I then went to the general manager of the restaurant, who also told me that the coupon was invalid. So we left and dined elsewhere.

                            Give me a gift card or I will quote obscure stock prices, some from the wrong company, as a way of letting everybody know how much you suck.

                            Kent Letitgo
                            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                            Comment


                            • Dear Mr. Lititgo:
                              We have reviewed the information pertaining to your experience and have determined that our employees complied with company rules regarding coupons. When a coupon is expired, it is no longer valid and we can no longer accept it. Therefore your request for a gift card is denied. In addition We are sending you the bill for the salad and drinks that you ordered and ate but apparently forgot to pay for. If you do not pay this bill promptly we will charge you with theft and ban you from all of our stores.

                              Sincerely

                              Rick Otta
                              California Pizza Kitchen
                              ------------------------------------------------------

                              Dear Food Store manager:

                              I went to your store the day before Thanksgiving and I was told that you ran out of Butterball turkeys. You had other turkeys in stock but I did not want them. Your rude and unprofessional staff told me you were all out. I told them that they should go to another store and buy one for me since I would be inconvenient to me to have to go elsewhere. Your rude and unprofessional worker refused to do so, therefore my family had nothing to eat on Thanksgiving Day, and the entire day was ruined. I would like a full apology a $50,000 gift card to you and your competitors and all of the employees who served me fired. If you do not do as I say I will call the attorney general, and the local media. In addition I will tell all of my friends and family to never shop in your store again.

                              Sincerely:

                              Lotta Dee Mands

                              Comment


                              • Dear Lotta Dee Mands,

                                First of all, let me express me sincere condoluences for the trama caused to you by my staff. I wish to address each of you complaints as fully as I can.

                                First, you commented that you were shopping for your turkey the day before thanksgiving and were intent on purchasing a butterball turkey, a variety that is only sold frozen in our stores. Without the minimum required time to properly thaw the bird, your attempt to cook and serve it could result in severe illness for you and your family. You may address the letter of thanks to the employee who did not sell you a frozen bird the evening before.

                                Second, you expressed extreme dismay that you were asked to drive to a competitor's store. I understand your distress, as our employees are supposed to encourage you to buy a better, more expensive, brand at our store. i have retrained all employees to attempt to upsell you to the pre thawed organic farm turkeys. I am sure in the future you will be able to get an even better turkey and a much lighter wallet to assist you in the long walk to your vehicle.

                                And as a final point of concern, upon reviewing the tapes from that attempted purchase, we found that when you, a five foot tall blond woman, attempted to peel out of the parking lot in your SUV that could carry an entire football team - and I mean the pros - you hit three other cars and took out a young tree. We managed to contact all of the car's owners as you forgot to leave a note, and we have included not only the bills for their car repairs, but also for the landscaping service to replace the young tree. Please be aware that if payment arrangements are not made within 60 days a civil suit will be filed. I have also been told that an officer will be visiting you in the near future, something about a hit and run...

                                I have, I believe addressed your complaints, and in response to your demand for a $50,000 gift card, I have spoken to our corporate office and the company will be donating a $50,000 gift card to the local victims of violent crimes and the homeless shelter in your honor. I believe that will fully satisfy your demands.

                                Thank you for contacting us, and we wish you and yours a happy and safe holiday free of food poisoning.

                                Sincerely,

                                U. Gotcaught
                                Store Manager

                                CC:
                                Officer Notsofriendly


                                Dear gift shop owner:

                                I am writing in regards to a horrible experience I had recently at your store. I took my 6 little angels (ages 3-11) out to buy presents for daddy and grandmama. I believe in natural nurturing and that they learn from your mistakes, but your sales person was most unhelpful. She told me that the other people in the store complained about some sort of breakage problem! I can not imagine that and refuse to pay for some story that they made up. They probably broke it and were blaming it on my babies. There were some awful people singing what sounded like religious music outside the store, I can't abide religious music on christmas, so I told my little Anthony to make it stop. Then the store manager kicked us out, all because little Anthony kicked one man in the shins. I may have made some rude comments or gestures, as may have my children on the way out, however I do not think that threatening to call the police was an appropriate response by you manager.

                                I am horrified to say that after finishing my shopping and arriving home there were police at my house! Can you imagine what the neighbors must have thought! They went on and on about shoplifting (as if my babies would do such a thing), threats, and attempt to do bodily harm with an automobile. I am currently fighting these trumped up charges, and as they originated from your store manager's autrocious behavior, I am demanding you pay all of my legal fees, as well as providing a $10,000 gift card to each of my little angels for the trama this incident has caused. If you do not give me everything I want, I will sue you. I know a lawyer!

                                Yours,
                                Ima Brat
                                "I've put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant, and that's the only way of insuring one's immortality."
                                - James Joyce

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X