I Wish I Could Punch You

[the_std]

So I take the bus to get to work. Luckily it's a short ride, or this guy might not have survived his journey.

I get on the bus and see that it's rather full. In fact, there is only one empty seat on the bench across from the back doors. However, the guy sitting beside said empty spot looked sketchy enough for me to opt to stand along the wall beside the back doors. I was grooving out with my headphones in, when I see a frantic motion out of the corner of my eye. Sketchy Guy, who is probably 55-60 years old, is furiously patting the empty spot and saying something to me. I turn my music down and this is what happens.

SG: You can come sit beside me! It's fine, I don't bite... Much!
Me: Uhm... No thanks. I sit on my butt all day at work as it is (LIES), so I'm fine standing.
SG: Oh come on. I promise I won't hurt you.
Me: Really, no, that's okay.

A moment of silence, in which he seems to be thinking very hard indeed. Finally, after sufficient cognition, he came out with this utter gem.

SG: So where'd you get your pants?

I paused, looked down at my work pants (black with faint pinstripes), back at him, and then backed away slightly.

Me: I don't know. I've had them a long time.
SG: Oh, well, it's just nice to see young people wearing pinstripes! It's really a shame that they don't do it more often! It's too bad!
Me: Uhm, yeah...

Another pause, in which I can see the gears grinding furiously in his head, his bushy eyebrows furrowed together in the effort to use his brain meats...

SG: If you were twenty years older, I'd do things to you that are illegal in some places!
Me: Excuse me?
SG: Yeah, I'd keep you in my room for days! You wouldn't know what hit you!
Me: ... Right.

Turned the music back up, stared fixedly out the window for the remaining thirty seconds of my trip. He opened his mouth again right as we got to my stop, but I just walked off the bus and didn't look back.

Ugh.

[ZedOmega]

That last part couldn't have come from his brain. The one in the neck-extension head, anyway...

[Amina516]

While Id agree that pinstripes are sexy...I think I mighta kept that part to myself in public. Lol.

Oh, and

Thatd freak me out as well.

[ravevolution]

I would have ignored it to the best of my ability.

Only time I have ever said anything when something like that happened to me was when I was in college and I was on the MUNI rail lines going to a friends house. It was late night and I was the only person on the car. A few stops later some guy comes in and sits in the aisle across from me. Not too soon afterwards making eye contact with me he licks his lips, and whips out ye know what and starts masturbating in front of me

I initially wanted to freak out but I started cursing up a storm. That freaked him out and he got off the next stop

[Spork4pedro]

Not too soon afterwards making eye contact with me he licks his lips, and whips out ye know what and starts masturbating in front of me

I had a guy do that in front of me one time when I was on a long distance train ride (one where I met all sorts of fun/crazy people). It was late at night and I was the only in the observation car and this guy sits in my direct line of sight (as pretty close by) and whips himself out to play. I just cast him a brief glance and told him "Poor guy...just don't get any on me.." and went back to reading my book. The guy was shocked that it didn't bother me (it did..but i just never let people like that see my reaction since that's what they're looking for) yelled at me and left me alone.

Then there was this other time when I was walking to school and a random gardener dropped his pants to show me and my friend and it happen to be the day we got our fabric scissors for home ec...

[persephone]

Guh that guy was creepy! I used to ignore anyone and everyone when I took the trains / bus. That's what the headphones were for, even if I didn't have the music on. I just pretended I didn't seen them / hear them and never acknowledged them.

Rude of me? Maybe. But hey, I don't talk to random strangers and I don't want them talking to me.

[Mr Hero]

and he got off the next stop

That's usually what happens when someone masturbates.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

SG: If you were twenty years older, I'd do things to you that are illegal in some places!

"If you were twenty years younger, I'd have my boyfriend kick your ass... I think I'll just call the police, though."

Only time I have ever said anything when something like that happened to me was when I was in college and I was on the MUNI rail lines going to a friends house. It was late night and I was the only person on the car. A few stops later some guy comes in and sits in the aisle across from me. Not too soon afterwards making eye contact with me he licks his lips, and whips out ye know what and starts masturbating in front of me

I initially wanted to freak out but I started cursing up a storm. That freaked him out and he got off the next stop

Shouting "Is that all you got?" or pointing and laughing would also have been acceptable.

[Hyena Dandy]

"If you were twenty years younger, I'd have my boyfriend kick your ass... I think I'll just call the police, though."

Shouting "Is that all you got?" or pointing and laughing would also have been acceptable.

When that happened to me, I used. "Aww... Its cute."

[Red_Dazes]

I have, thankfully, never had that happen to me... (indecent exposure I mean) but I honestly think if someone did I would be too shocked to know what to do and probably just start laughing my ass off.... cause... well... that's how I react to pure shock.


...as for the creepy man on the bus... that is what loud music is for.

[BrenDAnn]

Ugh **shudders** Reminds me of my creepy neighbor. Here's a hint about him: I avoid going by his house EVERY time I'm at that end of the street, for fear he'll try to flirt with me again. **shudders again** I'm gonna go sit in a corner, wrap my arms around my knees and rock back and forth and shudder now...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

his bushy eyebrows furrowed together in the effort to use his brain meats...

SG: If you were twenty years older, I'd do things to you that are illegal in some places!
Me: Excuse me?
SG: Yeah, I'd keep you in my room for days! You wouldn't know what hit you!
Me: ... Right.
.

And that, Creepy Guy, is why people would rather stand than sit beside you.