Another Threatened Assault...Do I Have a Neon Sign Above My Head or Something?

[PepperElf]

To be honest you probably won't need his PO number anyway.
The police report you filed may be enough to cook his goose with his PO.


I just hope Red sticks to her guns about breaking free from him. I know it's easy to convince yourself it's not really bad because he's nice "sometimes" but... that's just avoiding the truth. Just from what you wrote it's clear he's trying to be very controlling and possessive of her, as if she's property he can FORCE to stay with him, against her will.

[sms001]

I almost have an adrenaline rush just from reading about the confrontation outside of Red & Dick's burger joint. I HATE when some asswipe gets in your face but won't commit; your body gets riled up and then.......nuthin'.

Did Red get her phone/backpack/bike back? What a loser move to hold someone's possessions "hostage."

Dick: I would almost have some respect for him if he were attempting (even if failing at it) to kick his dependencies. But if you ain't even trying? Uh. No.

[Nurian]

Jester, you know as well as I do that in a fight, there's no such thing as "fair." That's only in sports.

I'm glad you're there for Red.

[Seshat]

Okay.

I have no idea whether hearing this will help Red or not, but in case it will, I'm putting it out here. Jester, if you think it might help, show her.


Red,

I used to .. okay, let's be brutally honest. I used to have uncontrolled rages, and at such times, I was abusive. No drugs, no alcohol, just the example of the adults around me when I was a kid. It was how I thought one handled anger.

Add that I was in both physical and mental pain due to illness, and I got angry far, far too often. I'm certain it was horrible to be around me at such times.

Two very special people chose to stay with me; but they did so ONLY because I was actively trying to solve my assorted problems.

They could have dragged me to medical appointments, and had me sitting sullen and bored, and ... it would have accomplished nothing. Nothing at all.

We only accomplished anything because I would actively listen to the doctor, and try things out.

I tried at least three different forms of mental therapy, with .. if I remember correctly ... four distinct therapists. I'm still in therapy, and my therapist is teaching me more mature, adult ways to handle emotion. And I have to actively learn.

My progress with anger went from screaming at people and throwing things; to screaming, realising I was, and leaving the room. And then throwing pillows and cushions in my bedroom.
Then I was able to say 'I'm angry, I'm leaving' through gritted teeth, and then going and beating up bedding.
Then being able to say 'I'm getting angry'.

The first time I was able to do THAT was a great day, and when I had calmed down, D & A told me how proud of me they were.

But once again .. It was MY work.

Oh, I needed help, and therapy, and medical treatment. But the only person who can actually feel what was inside me ... is me.
And the only person who can change my behaviour is me.

Yes, D & A still treat me differently from how they treat each other, in some respects. If I'm getting angry, and tell them so calmly, they will back off and give me space to get under control. Whereas they don't need the same amount of space.

But the key part of that last paragraph is 'to get myself under control'.

They can't do it for me. Noone can.

Anyone who has dangerous, abusive or unacceptable behaviours, no matter how nice a person they are otherwise, must take responsibility for those behaviours themselves, and must accept the responsibility for learning to change them.
Otherwise they're .. well. Just not safe to be around. I certainly wasn't.

[Jester]

Just from what you wrote it's clear he's trying to be very controlling and possessive of her, as if she's property he can FORCE to stay with him, against her will.

I wouldn't characterize it like that, actually. It's more on the manipulative/weasely side of things than the controlling thing. As in, he is trying to control her to a degree, of course, but not in a "I'm the man and this is how it goes and you're mine" kind of way, but more in the "Please don't leave me, we can work things out" and in the process he starts cutting her off from her friends kind of way.

Basically, he's a douche, and Red is just not someone that would ever put up with the blunter approach you seem to be implying. If that makes sense. (It's morning, and I am not always at my most coherent in the mornings.)

Did Red get her phone/backpack/bike back? What a loser move to hold someone's possessions "hostage."

As far as I know, she got all her shit back, with the help of her Dad, as Dick will NOT fuck with Dad at all, not only because he likes and respects him, but he knows that no matter what, any kind of fucking with Dad will just piss Red off. She loves him too much for anyone to come between them, and Dick is not so stupid that he doesn't know this. He can insinuate that I just want to sleep with Red (I don't), but that kind of bullshit won't exactly work when it comes to Dad.

Now, I THINK that she got it all back, but I don't really KNOW, as I haven't heard much from Red since that day, other than a few texts. I've tried getting her to call me, but for various reasons, she hasn't yet. She cites being busy, tired, etc., which I can understand, and she is probably emotionally drained as well, and perhaps doesn't want to deal with me at the moment, as I can be a bit...how shall I put this?...blunt at times. Especially recently, especially when it comes to Dick. And perhaps she just doesn't want to deal with any more of the drama, though of course I am not trying to exacerbate anything intentionally.

I will try calling her again today, as she might be coming out to watch ASU's bowl game with me later. It would be nice to do something mindless like watching football and drinking beer, I think. Probably good for her, too. (Would laugh my ass off if Dick showed up and tried to cause shit. Especially since my whole day today is completely centered around watching ASU in their bowl game and cheering loudly and drunkenly for them, and I just don't give a flying fuck about him or his bullshit. And actually, the more I think about it, the more I really don't want him around today, because that truly would spoil the day and the game for me. The fucker.)

My biggest worry is that, because she has such a big heart and cares so much, that she is worried about him having nowhere to go, and letting him stay "for a while" at her place. While I am not heartless and can understand this, my worry is that he will use that time to worm his way back into her good graces. Which would not only make things interesting between me and Dick, but between me and Red. Because I will not apologize for anything I did or said, and I will not back down on my position that he is wrong for her and that he is a raging douchebag asshole druggie scumbag shithead. The cat's out of the bag, as it were, and Dick and I are not exactly going to be hanging out much, enjoying eggnog daiquiris together.

[Kristev]

Did she get all her stolen things back from him?

[Jester]

As I said, I believe so, but I don't know. And he didn't steal them so much as prevent her from leaving with them, then hid them from her when she got back to claim them. Not that I'm defending him. I'm not. He's a dick, and that was a dick move.

[wolfie]

She thought she could fix him . . . the worst criteria for dating ever. You can't ever fix him (or her). They fix themselves or they don't.

Although it sounds like a good idea for Red (or someone) to "fix" Dick - the way a vet would "fix" a dog.

All jokes aside, thank you, and I also hope that Red sticks to her guns. I'm hopeful, but I don't know how optimistic I am.

Maybe you could help her with that - can you sneak a bit of cyanoacrylate onto the grips while she's not looking?

[BroSCFischer]

And he didn't steal them so much as prevent her from leaving with them, then hid them from her when she got back to claim them.

IMHO, this is stealing.

He removed property not belonging to him to another location, without (good) reason, and without informing the owner of where it was removed to.

Pretty darn good definition for theft, in my book.

Personally, I make it my business not to TOUCH, let alone move, other peoples belongings without them present, and without asking first. But then again, I'm not (a) Dick.

SC

[Jester]

IMHO, this is stealing.

Tomato, tomahto, whatever. It really doesn't matter if it was stealing or not, there will be no criminal charges forthcoming from it, and whether it was or wasn't doesn't change the fact that he was a royal fuckwad. To be blunt, it's a minor detail in a much larger story.

Haven't heard much from Red the last few days, which I don't take as a positive sign. Meh. Seems like she's laying low from me, because the cat, as they say, is out of the bag, and if she is sticking with Dick, it is probably obvious to her that there is no going back with he and I, considering all that happened and all that was said.

The more I talk about it, the more I just can't stand the little fucker. And he is in no way healthy for her. I just wish she could see that as clearly as her father and I see that. Double meh!

[Dilorenzo]

First off, as always, good on you for being there for a friend in the way you know that'll help best. And good on you for having the patience to deal with that bunt cake.

Second, please don't send him back to Ohio. We have enough trouble here.

[Jester]

Burnt cake? I....don't get the reference.

As for sending him back to Ohio, if I thought it would benefit my friend, I would send him to your front door! (Nothing personal, of course.) But due to his parole, it is unlikely that he could leave Florida even if he wanted to.

[BroSCFischer]

bunt cake.

Burnt cake?

I think he means bundt cake.

I still don't get the reference.

SC

[Dilorenzo]

It is not a reference. It is just a thing. And yes, I dropped a d.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Jester I must say, all other things aside, I really do love your writing style. The original story was both informative and highly entertaining.