Ok, here's some background.
My wife doesn't necessarily really like my mother (or my sister, but that's a different story). They have a history -- of sorts.
When my wife and I got married, my mother thought it would be a good idea to try to give away some of our wedding cake. My wife also didn't like the fact that my mother bought her something and not me (like a "newlywed" gift -- something we could both use).
At the time, my mother had a bad habit of calling me early in the mornings. She did this once when my wife was very pregnant, and my wife didn't like it, and basically in the background was shouting "who the f**k is calling us this early?" (though she knew who it was). I think it was something like 6:30AM on a Saturday morning. She (mom) even said once, paraphrasing, "If I have to be up, so do you..."
My mother then tried to invite herself over to our apartment for after my wife gave birth, so she could "help out" for 10 days.
And because we waited until after our son was born to really tell most people (because who wants to sit in a waiting room for hours, waiting for someone to give birth?), she (my mother) tore a strip off of me. So when she got there (during the time when my wife was supposed to be meeting with a doctor), she talked about work for a few minutes, sat in a chair, and dozed off.
Then, when we bought our house, we invited her over. She didn't complement our house. She basically said "I don't like wooden floors" (we have wood in our living room), and "Your kitchen is small. You must not like to cook."
While yes, our house is somewhat modest, we do actually like to cook. We bought what we could afford.
Anyhow, needless to say my wife is none too happy about these instances. And she holds a bit of a grudge.
She also comes from a different culture than I do, so we've both had bits of culture shock throughout our marriage.
Well, she doesn't really want my mother at our house -- seemingly ever. She won't forbid me from seeing my mother, but mom lives two hours away and works an odd schedule. In my wife's family (and culture), you don't just stop by someone's house, or invite yourself over. I grew up in the type of culture where people actually do that.
So a couple of weeks back, I get an email from my mother. She's coming into down to visit her father (my grandfather), and wants to stop by my house afterward. My wife has already said no.
So we're trying to figure out what to say now and in the future. We really don't want to tell her the truth, but it's really inconvenient to need to keep making stuff up. Because if I do it enough, I know I'll get what my wife refers to as a guilt-o-gram.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
My wife doesn't necessarily really like my mother (or my sister, but that's a different story). They have a history -- of sorts.
When my wife and I got married, my mother thought it would be a good idea to try to give away some of our wedding cake. My wife also didn't like the fact that my mother bought her something and not me (like a "newlywed" gift -- something we could both use).
At the time, my mother had a bad habit of calling me early in the mornings. She did this once when my wife was very pregnant, and my wife didn't like it, and basically in the background was shouting "who the f**k is calling us this early?" (though she knew who it was). I think it was something like 6:30AM on a Saturday morning. She (mom) even said once, paraphrasing, "If I have to be up, so do you..."
My mother then tried to invite herself over to our apartment for after my wife gave birth, so she could "help out" for 10 days.
And because we waited until after our son was born to really tell most people (because who wants to sit in a waiting room for hours, waiting for someone to give birth?), she (my mother) tore a strip off of me. So when she got there (during the time when my wife was supposed to be meeting with a doctor), she talked about work for a few minutes, sat in a chair, and dozed off.
Then, when we bought our house, we invited her over. She didn't complement our house. She basically said "I don't like wooden floors" (we have wood in our living room), and "Your kitchen is small. You must not like to cook."
While yes, our house is somewhat modest, we do actually like to cook. We bought what we could afford.
Anyhow, needless to say my wife is none too happy about these instances. And she holds a bit of a grudge.
She also comes from a different culture than I do, so we've both had bits of culture shock throughout our marriage.
Well, she doesn't really want my mother at our house -- seemingly ever. She won't forbid me from seeing my mother, but mom lives two hours away and works an odd schedule. In my wife's family (and culture), you don't just stop by someone's house, or invite yourself over. I grew up in the type of culture where people actually do that.
So a couple of weeks back, I get an email from my mother. She's coming into down to visit her father (my grandfather), and wants to stop by my house afterward. My wife has already said no.
So we're trying to figure out what to say now and in the future. We really don't want to tell her the truth, but it's really inconvenient to need to keep making stuff up. Because if I do it enough, I know I'll get what my wife refers to as a guilt-o-gram.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
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