I don't know how many people on this site know, when I was a young child I almost died. I spent 6 months in the hospital with only a small chance to survive but survive I did. It left me with PTSD and medical issues and so as I got older each birthday was not so much a celebration of being born, but more so that I had made it through another year.
I never wanted kids, I didn't ever want them to go through my medical stuff and an offshoot of my PTSD is the inability to see myself alive at a future date. So all my life I have never believed I would life to 10, 15, 18,20,25 etc. Now I am closing in on 30 and I still can't fathom living this long.
So I pretty much resigned myself to being child free and got on with my life.
Last night I met my daughter, my future daughter, she was 4. It was amazing. She had long brown curly hair and my green eyes and she just looked at me and then called out for me to come closer. I never really even wanted kids but it was odd, I just knew who she was, she didn't even have to say anything I saw her and I knew.
I woke up shaking but not freaked out at all, just at peace. It was the first time in my life, I felt a future that wasn't death. I admit it, I cried because I was so happy to met her. It was awesome.
I never wanted kids, I didn't ever want them to go through my medical stuff and an offshoot of my PTSD is the inability to see myself alive at a future date. So all my life I have never believed I would life to 10, 15, 18,20,25 etc. Now I am closing in on 30 and I still can't fathom living this long.
So I pretty much resigned myself to being child free and got on with my life.
Last night I met my daughter, my future daughter, she was 4. It was amazing. She had long brown curly hair and my green eyes and she just looked at me and then called out for me to come closer. I never really even wanted kids but it was odd, I just knew who she was, she didn't even have to say anything I saw her and I knew.
I woke up shaking but not freaked out at all, just at peace. It was the first time in my life, I felt a future that wasn't death. I admit it, I cried because I was so happy to met her. It was awesome.
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