Why I want to elope.

[Merriweather]

I am so angry right now. Talked to the fiancee. He told her that she didn't get a say and she called me to try and get her way. I'm DONE. There will be NO Wedding. We are eloping. In august I will have a sit down with his family and him and we will break it to them in person that we are eloping due to their constant interference.

I'm not advising yes or no on eloping, but do think hard - is that what you want? While it would be wrong to be forced into a big wedding you don't want, it would be equally wrong to be forced into eloping if that's not what you want. Elope if that's what you want, to many that's the perfect wedding. But just as you dont' want to let her force you into a big wedding instead of your planned small wedding, don't let her force you into eloping instead of your small wedding, IF that small wedding is wha tyou really want. Think of what type of wedding you'd want if everyone were co-operating nicely, and then tell them that's what you'e having & to back off, whether it's the local small wedding or an elopement, just do what is the best for you, what you want to look back on happily (and only you can determine what that should be).

[Treasure]

My bf and I have been together 4 yrs, he proposed and I said yes of course. But he was hesitant to have a wedding. I didn't mind eloping but with a little discussion we agreed to have a small wedding in my families back yard. It took 3 months for him to tell his family we were engaged because they are super possessive of him.

Sweetie, did none of this raise red-flags with you? Did you ask him why he was so hesitant? Obviously he has his reasons (and now that you've come around to his original thinking, they seem pretty valid)

Sometimes its worth it to take your cue from your SO, esp with their family - even more so when you've had the chance to get to know them for yourself.

[Luna Baby]

You do what is best for you and the fiance. Period.

Hubby and I eloped. Well, kind of. We were planning a wedding and just had way too many nosey aunts, grandparents, etc trying to tell us what to have and who to have and all that expensive stuff. We just couldn't afford it being that we were paying out of our own pockets any expenses. My dearest Great aunt "E" calmly pulled me aside during a visit and suggested we elope. The thought had never occurred to me and was very suprised coming from an "older" family member. J and I talked it over and decided that it might just work for us. We got up for work one morning and while getting ready, I looked at him and said, "You want to get married today?". That's all it took--nearly 21 years, 2 kids, lots of dogs and several houses later---here we are, still side by side.

We did have a "traditional" wedding 11 years after the original to renew our vows and had all the family and family friends that could fit on the hay bales.

You do what you have to do within your budget (that your parents have set) and that you and the fiance are comfortable with. Let the future m-i-l stew a bit if she has to. If she is any kind of woman/mother, she'll get over it when she decides to quit re-living her youth through her son and his gal.

[TheSHAD0W]

Aislin, I strongly recommend you NOT tell them you're eloping. Do it first, tell them afterwards. It'll save you a lot of trouble.

[tropicsgoddess]

You do what is best for you and the fiance. Period.

My sentiments exact.

I'm not advising yes or no on eloping, but do think hard - is that what you want? While it would be wrong to be forced into a big wedding you don't want, it would be equally wrong to be forced into eloping if that's not what you want. Elope if that's what you want, to many that's the perfect wedding. But just as you dont' want to let her force you into a big wedding instead of your planned small wedding, don't let her force you into eloping instead of your small wedding, IF that small wedding is wha tyou really want. Think of what type of wedding you'd want if everyone were co-operating nicely, and then tell them that's what you'e having & to back off, whether it's the local small wedding or an elopement, just do what is the best for you, what you want to look back on happily (and only you can determine what that should be).

I'm in the process of planning my wedding. Big or small, planning it is no bed of roses, especially when budget dictates everything. It's up to you if you truly want to go with the elopement or continue with the small wedding. Give it some thought and don't rush it.

Aislin, I strongly recommend you NOT tell them you're eloping. Do it first, tell them afterwards. It'll save you a lot of trouble.

For sure. Especially with the monster-in-law. That was pretty low that after fiance said no that she tried to get you to side with her. Keep sticking to your guns (both of you).

[kansasgal]

If your MIL must have all of these people, tell her to hold a reception after the wedding that she will pay for and invite them all. If you wish to elope, it is your decision. According to etiquette, the size of the wedding is dependent on the bride and groom, and what they (or the bride's family) can afford. If people want to give them receptions AFTER the wedding to invite all and sundry, they are free to do so.

Sounds like MIL wants to have it all, but if she is allowed to have a reception, it might pour oil on troubled waters. While your boyfriend is careful about his family, you do NOT want to get involved in a family fight that causes him to not speak to them, as this will only cause them to blame YOU.

[houdini]

If your MIL must have all of these people, tell her to hold a reception after the wedding that she will pay for and invite them all. If you wish to elope, it is your decision..

This is a good comprimise. Also make sure that if/when you sit down with MiL in August and tell them you're eloping, don't use it as a form of blackmail, and don't be accusing. Take the stance that you have made a decision (for a variety of reasons that you will politely gloss over), and therefore this is what will happen. Then stick to your guns for all it's worth.

Also, importantly, let your Fiancee do most of the arguing. Don't, whatever you do, end up with you and MiL fighting each other over the top of your fiancee. Your marriage is the start of a new family; you and your fiancee are a team against the rest of the world, if necessary. Yours are joint decisions, and the MiL can input advice but doesn't get a say in the final decision. Don't let any cracks show in front of her, because it sounds like she'll try to use them for all they're worth.

Also, final advice: don't let the problems spoil your view of the wedding. Get excited over whatever you choose to do. Pick an outfit that makes you feel beautiful. Enjoy the fact that you're marrying the most wonderful person in the world. Admire your rings. Take silly photographs. Enjoy the planning as much as you enjoy the day.

Family, eh. Who'd have 'em?