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  • Oooo elevator

    So, now we've got a running joke in the office. With most of our sales reps, we say, "Wow, their elevator doesn't go all the way to the top." But there are a select few who we've decided don't even have an elevator in their shaft, for it to go to the top. My most recent experience with one of our special people.

    T has been working with the company longer than I have, and we've always had a pretty lenient return policy. Most of the time, I forget whether it's 30 or 60 days. However, he sends me a return request, for an ink cartridge that was purchased back on Aug 8th 3007.

    Aug 8th.....Yeah, last I checked, that doesn't even fit in the 6mo period (as sometimes, depending on the situation we'll push the rules to 6 months). Now he's trying to pull this line of "Well if you can get this done for me, I'd be greatly appreciative, because we're about to lose this customer." Too bad, I happen to talk to this particular customer on a regular basis, and they love us (as this is one of the customers who tells me how wonderful I am, every time they call). I'm not sure whether to laugh my ass off at him, the next time he calls, or just tell him where he can stick those cartridges, and then pay the customer himself.

    Weeee, another day in life of returns and phone answering!
    "God appreciates your editing" -Kes

  • #2
    I'm more into zingers that are related to cars....

    "He isn't running on all cylinders..."

    "I think he's got a crack in his block."

    "The timing marks just don't line up"
    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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    • #3
      (I also would not accept an ink cartridge from 999 years in the future.)

      Yeah, people can be...unclever sometimes. I'm stealing your elevator phrases.
      If there’s one thing women love, it’s the guy that just can’t seem to find the line that divides “Ha Ha” and “Stacey, get your purse, we’re leaving before he comes back.”.

      --Gravekeeper

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      • #4
        Quoth Balgram View Post
        (I also would not accept an ink cartridge from 999 years in the future.)
        Beat me to it.. LOL

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        • #5
          Quoth blas87 View Post
          I'm more into zingers that are related to cars....

          "He isn't running on all cylinders..."

          "I think he's got a crack in his block."

          "The timing marks just don't line up"
          or when someone asks a stupid question "i'm sorry, I was explaining how the engine works, but obviously we need to go back to the basics and start with how the air got in the tires".
          If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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          • #6
            Quoth blas87 View Post
            I'm more into zingers that are related to cars....

            "He isn't running on all cylinders..."

            "I think he's got a crack in his block."

            "The timing marks just don't line up"
            "A few quarts low."
            Universal, can be applied to many, MANY customers.

            "All exhaust, no driveshaft."
            Applied most frequently to the blowhards who threaten to go over your head,
            file a lawsuit, etc.

            "Be sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth"
            Applied to the clueless braggarts, such as the fella who SWORE to me the
            chrome rocker covers he installed on his engine made it go faster. I mean,
            seriously, if he'd have even THOUGHT about that one for a minute, he'd have
            realized how stupid he sounded. Or maybe he really was THAT clueless.

            Related to computers:

            "Device BRAIN not found"
            Applied chiefly to users who have absolutely no business operating a can
            opener, much less a complex device like a computer.

            PEBCAK error: (Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard)
            also: PEBCAK virus
            Users who blame the machine for THEIR mistakes. See also: One-D-Ten-T.

            One-D-Ten-T
            Self-Explanatory if you look at the shorthand version....1D10T)

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            • #7
              My personal favorites are :

              "A couple Buds (or Millers, or Heinekens, or whatever your beer of choice is) short of a 6-pack."

              and

              "Where you and I have a brain, he/she has a Whack-A-Mole game"
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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              • #8
                A few players short of a team.
                I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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                • #9
                  My fave - The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead...
                  The report button - not just for decoration

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                  • #10
                    Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
                    I like this one cos' you get to call them a tool, too. Its an added bonus.

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                    • #11
                      Heh, not the sharpest chip off the block.

                      A few crayons short of a full pencilcase.

                      Gotta love these phrases.

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                      • #12
                        I personally enjoy mixing my metaphors, i.e.; Not the brightest Crayon in the tool shed.
                        The High Priest is an Illusion!

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                        • #13
                          or the oxymoron ones

                          -sharp as a marble
                          -bright as a burnt out light bulb
                          -smooth like sandpaper (which is my mother... she is such a klutz and she admits it)
                          If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                          • #14
                            Piston misfire......aka a brain to mouth filter failure

                            Since I'm trying to be more "zen" at work and not get so wrapped up in how stupid people are, I try to refrain myself and just use the old saying "Yup....he sure is a treasure."
                            You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                            • #15
                              Quoth blas87 View Post
                              just use the old saying "Yup....he sure is a treasure."
                              Heard one from some late night comic, as he was describing himself: "He's a character... 'Character' meaning, 'He's an idiot'!"
                              "I call murder on that!"

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