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A canonical list of SCs

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  • Quoth elysia View Post
    Fun fact: 44% of all US presidents have been left-handed, including Barack Obama. 33% of world leaders are left handed. Only 10% of the world population is left handed. This percentage is also seen in most species of primates and has stayed consistant since prehistoric times. It is not known was causes left-handedness. Probably Satan, though.
    Is it sucky to mention it, then say I like lefties because that my dad is also left-handed?
    "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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    • The Ambusher

      Recognizes you from your job when you are not on the clock, and not even in your place of employment. Demands you tell them if your store has any new discounts. Bonus points if this occurs when you are out with someone who is obviously disabled and obviously needs your attention (like my wheelchair-using husband). The only good thing is that as you are not at work, you can (if you feel like it) tell them exactly what you think of them.
      "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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      • The "INeverApprovedThat" SC - This is usually a female. Typically around X-Mas time. She will order custom greeting cards with the oh so special and VERY important greeting from the Johnsons, Huffers, (insert well-to-do name here) etc. She will order 200 double-sided color cards. She will return to approve the quality, checking the spelling of her greeting, and she will SIGN off on a completed "proof". She will agree to have production started ASAP...aaaaand the next day when she picks up her order---She finds an error she missed!! I just love those ladies. They are the greatest. The cream of the crop. And hey, you know that it's always the guy at the counters' fault who finds her order as well. ALWAYS.
        I did the first part once when getting business cards. Missed an error. The poor clerk cringed like I was going to hit her. Guess what I did then? I told the clerk it was MY FAULT for not checking properly and would be happy to pay for a reorder. She offered me a discount (which I refused...it was, after all, MY FAULT).
        "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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        • The Stalker:

          Rather than simply ask "Excuse me" when they see you, they proceed to follow you through half the store on returns duty only to pop a question at the most inopportune moment (scaling a shelf/hands full of glass/head literally inside a shelf full of glass). Are you only capable of speech when I'm holding a certain item?
          "I am quite confident that I do exist."
          "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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          • Last Minute Larry (or Lucy).

            This customer will know damn well what time the store closes, yet will always insist on rolling in the store five minutes before it closes. Will express surprise when informed that the store is closing, act apologetic and feign ignorance... and then return the next week and do the exact same thing.
            People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
            My DeviantArt.

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            • ZZZZZ...let me sleep...a little more...please....

              Me: (answering an outside call) Fuck Thank you for calling the clearance swamp, how may I help you?

              Caller: Do you blargle nargle boodle flerble? Also, Batman.

              Me: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that?

              Caller: (real slow and deliberate because they now think I'm the World's Biggest Idiot and must never be allowed in public without a helmet and a drool cup) Do you have the new Batman move?

              Me: We sure do.



              The Shop At Home SC

              Me: (answering another outside call) Fuck Thank you for calling the clearance swamp, how may I help you today?

              Caller: Do you have placemats?

              Me: We sure do.

              Caller: Do you have any in solid colors?

              Me: Yes we do.

              Caller: What colors do you have?

              Me: We have placemats in many different colors. We'll be happy to show you the full assortment when you visit us. (Nice way for me to say "Get off the couch and out of your PJs and come on out here, for chrissakes.")

              Caller; Are there any in neutral colors? I'm looking for something neutral.

              Me: (repeats the above)

              Caller: What material do they come in?

              Me: (repeats the above again)

              Caller: If you don't want to help me, I'll just take my business elsewhere.

              Me: (repeats the above because it would impolite to say "Yeah, you go do that." and hang up the phone).

              I wasted five minutes I could've spent working our massive truck for this?

              ETA: Variation on the above: the Lazy Event Planner. Wants a green Easter basket that is 7.5 inches in diameter. Yes, you have to measure them. Oh, you don't have any? Then what colors, sizes and shapes of Easter baskets do you have?
              Last edited by Irving Patrick Freleigh; 03-08-2016, 12:21 AM.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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              • The "You look bored/Tired": They will constanly walk up you and chuckle "Hey you look so bored" or "You look so tired!" and will make some comment to you about how you should cheer up!, smile more you look so grumpy. Bonus points if they decide to clap their hands or slap something near you and chuckle "Hey wake up!" when your clearly just ignoring their annoying behavior

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                • Hansel & Gretel: The customers who leave a trail of milk, soda, sugar, and other products in easily-breakable containers throughout half the damn store before they get wise (bonus suck for leaving the leaky product on a shelf, instead of flagging down an employee to get rid of it for them, all the better to ruin even more merchandise).

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                  • Quoth Monterey Jack View Post
                    Hansel & Gretel: The customers who leave a trail of milk, soda, sugar, and other products in easily-breakable containers <SNIP>
                    Or a trail of bodily outputs.
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                    • Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                      Or a trail of bodily outputs.
                      One time, there was an elderly lady who had an accident and left a trail of poop droplets on her way to the restroom.

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                      • Here's a few of mine:

                        Corporate Crisis Caller - These are generally emotionally draining wasted of time. They call right after an incident to tell us how badly they were treated by the manager. Its not always the manager, but they're often the ones having to deal with these troublesome customers. The CCC is always in an indignant rage about how they were treated by the offending employee. You often have to spend a lot of time trying to get a straight story from them. When you call the store and speak to the manager or PIC you find out the CCC left out one detail in their story placing the blame solely back on them. Usually they were abusing coupons or returns and when told they can't do that they made a scene. The manager having to threatening to call the police to get them to leave. I hate them because I spend a lot of time and energy trying to piece together a story that puts CCC at fault and then I have to tell them that.

                        Pantry Raiders - These are often little old ladies. Not always but usually. PR just cleaned out their pantry and found an expired treasure. They just called to convince us it is okay to still eat. I generally spend a bunch of time explaining that the 10 year old can of beans is not worth the risk of food poisoning.

                        Cause Warrior - GMOs, food from China, gluten, MSG, BPA, animal welfare, etc... Not that I have any sympthany for these things, I just don't need someone ranting at me for 20 minutes about them. I usually have to make up excuses to get off the phone with a CW as they won't stop unless you stop it.

                        Turd Polishers - These customers are never happy with how their shopping trip went. They filled out the survey to give us an extensive list of minor nitpicky things about their trip. Its things like the bagger didn't smile at me or the meat dept smells like meat. These are a nuisance because we have record each issue separately. TP gets their name because after leaving a big stinky mess, they have to say one vague positive thing so they don't come off a completely negative.

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                        • A Whole Lotto Assholes: The people who scratch off their lottery tickets on top of the newspapers, leaving all of the little bits of scratch-off stuff littering the headlines.

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                          • Don't forget that a lot of the scratch-off stuff is latex based, so these idiots could KILL someone with a latex allergy who's merely trying to buy a newspaper.
                            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                            • -Bitch [or Bastard] Cassidy: The customer who will always refer to you as "Kid", no matter what your age is. I'm forty-two, pal, and while I should be flattered that you think I look that young, it's more than a little condescending.

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                              • Touchy-feely: Insists on touching you, not necessarily inappropriately, but more than you're comfortable with. (Shoulder, arm, hand, whatever.)
                                Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                                OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                                she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                                Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

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