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  • What's Your Ideal Customer Like?

    Tonight I had a customer whose first comment after verifying her account was "I had a 1-3 appointment today. The tech was late and I was told he'd arrive at 4, and then at 6, and then at 7, and it's now 7:30 and I haven't heard anything from him. I'd like to know when he'll be here and I don't want to have to pay for this install. I don't mind holding if you need to ask your supervisor about that." So, I put her on hold for five minutes, played some rummy with my coworker, then came back and gave her a free install and a promise I'd call back after I got in contact with the tech, which I did.

    She was pretty much my ideal customer: polite without being sacharine, direct about what she wanted, and she had a reasonable request. It didn't hurt that she all but requested to wait on hold, had a super cute voice, and bought an upgrade worth a $5 commission later on in the call, but she would have rocked without any of those.

    She didn't demand something stupid ("I want a year of credit!!!!"), tell me her sob story ("I have 12 kids and they have done nothing but watch TV their whole lives so are functionally illiterate and unable to use a DVD player or videogame system so I need service now!"), force me to give her an emotional response ("Now, how would you feel in this situation?"), yell things I didn't really care about ("I've been a customer for 300 years!"), take ten minutes to reveal what she was calling about, or any other sort of annoying crap that customers pull.

    What's your ideal customer like?

  • #2
    What I try to be ...

    I try to have my account information at hand, when the call is answered, I give them my name, spelling my surname slowly and clearly, and I try to be as concise as to what my problem is. I always say please and thank you, and wait patiently while they call up my account information. When ordering [like I did just 4 days ago] I had the flier open in front of me, with the goodies I wanted marked, and I actually had my customer number, which matched up with my payment info and delivery info. I write down any order number or confirmation number, and I try to get the name of the CS person as well.

    If I am pissed off about something gone wrong, I wait until I am not pissed off or as unpissed off as I can get, make sure that I have gone and peed, and have a fresh hot coffee, notepad and pen, and any account information I am going to need. If I have trouble calming down, I try and get a rubber band and put it around my wrist so I can snap my wrist if I notice i'm getting angry.

    I also try and make certain I am actually calling the *correct* number for whatever I am trying to do.
    EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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    • #3
      I don't do call center work anymore, so I'll describe my ideal grocery store customer. Actually I'll describe my chief gripes, then what would make me happy.

      If you have a basket... please don't drop it on the floor, people can and WILL trip over it. And they WILL try to sue us. It's happened before. I will be THRILLED if you just set the basket on the belt. I'll be more thrilled if you unload the basket and leave it on the belt or ask me where you should put it.

      Don't try to swipe your card in the card reader while I'm still finishing a transaction. It won't take your card until I've begun your transaction. Running up to it as soon as my drawer pops open for the customer in front of you, then swiping your card, is a sure fire way to make my register lock up. Do swipe it correctly (I know the picture is misleading and all.... no wait it isn't), and read the instructions on the screen.

      If you have coupons, don't drop them on the belt. The belt WILL eat them. I'm fine with you handing them to me at any point in the transaction, though it'll make my day if you hand them to me before I start scanning, so I can keep an eye out for the items (we don't scan coupons, we have to manually key them). I've been forced to rip half the checkstand apart when a credit card got sucked into the belt before. And believe me, you REALLY don't want me to tear it apart in front of you. All I'll say is we had a bad rat infestation a few years ago and leave it at that.

      While I'm on the topic of the belt.... why the hell did you think dropping a $100 bill on a moving belt was a good idea? I've had to go hunting for those in the bowels of the checkstand before too. Our belts run for 10 seconds after I remove an item from the belt unless something moves up to the sensor. I do have a switch to shut it off, but I have to get on my knees to get to it (it's on the bottom shelf of the stand).

      Another on the belt. Don't yell at the customer behind you when their items move up to the sensor after I've scanned your last item. They have no control over the belt. Yes, this has happened.

      My last one on the belt. When someone is clearly still unloading their cart in front of you, DO NOT start unloading your basket on the moving belt. I wound up with about $300 in voids on that one transaction because I didn't notice someone doing this (I usually have under $100 in voids for an entire day). That was a mess that took a good 15 minutes to straighten out, since the 2nd customers order had gotten bagged with the 1st customers before anybody said anything.

      Please use the plastic dividers if you're not leaving a gap between orders. On the other hand, it's insulting to me when you pick up the plastic divider and drop it on the belt in front of your order when nobody is in front of you. Don't give me a dirty look when I immediately pick it up and put it to the side.

      Our registers allow up to $100 cash back on debit. I normally have no problem with this, but when I see that amount pop up and I'm low on cash, don't get pissed when I tell you "I'm sorry... I have enough cash to do that, but it's going to be mostly $1's and some $5's. Or a $100 bill." The 5 customers ahead of you just cleaned me out doing the same shit. This happens a LOT on express, I've actually gotten down to $10 in 5's and $20 in 1's, some hundreds, and loose change on there before.

      Finally... just have some decency. Seriously. When I say "Hi there, how are you?" it won't kill you to even say "fine" or a single other word. Don't stare at me like I just stepped on your baby's head. On the other hand, I'm not a shrink, I REALLY don't care to hear about how crappy your day has been and how your husband is cheating on you and you've been shunned from your church for daring to have an abortion and your family is disowning you and your kids hate you. Feel free to vent a bit, but oh my god don't give me details about how Aunt Flow is a week late because your lover that your husband doesn't know about doesn't believe in condoms and gave you a protein injection you didn't particularly want. Yes, I've heard all of this.... and I've only been a cashier for a year and a half (and in the grocery business 3 years).

      Okay, I think I've described the opposite of ideal customers. Sorry, that rant has been building up for a long time.

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      • #4
        Quoth bean View Post
        I don't do call center work anymore, so I'll describe my ideal grocery store customer. Actually I'll describe my chief gripes, then what would make me happy.

        If you have a basket... please don't drop it on the floor, people can and WILL trip over it. And they WILL try to sue us. It's happened before. I will be THRILLED if you just set the basket on the belt. I'll be more thrilled if you unload the basket and leave it on the belt or ask me where you should put it.
        I'll be more thrilled if people actually unload the basket. But yes, I do get people who try to walk out the store with our baskets and then when I catch them, tell me "they're looking for somewhere to put it."

        Don't try to swipe your card in the card reader while I'm still finishing a transaction. It won't take your card until I've begun your transaction. Running up to it as soon as my drawer pops open for the customer in front of you, then swiping your card, is a sure fire way to make my register lock up. Do swipe it correctly (I know the picture is misleading and all.... no wait it isn't), and read the instructions on the screen.
        We have a function that work that allows for people to swipe their card while we're scanning their items. Basically, once you swipe you card it'll ask for your account and then if you want to put the sale amount on the card (aka whole amount), sale amount plus cash out (which you key in like an ATM) or other amount (i.e. change from certain amount or half cash, half card.) The two most common problems I get with this are:

        1) People who use AmEx and Diners who forget (or are unaware) that once they swipe their card it automatically defaults to credit, so they press the credit button (which puts it on "other amount" mode).
        2) People who look at me and ask "What's sale amount?" or "But it says <insert account here>"

        If you have coupons, don't drop them on the belt. The belt WILL eat them. I'm fine with you handing them to me at any point in the transaction, though it'll make my day if you hand them to me before I start scanning, so I can keep an eye out for the items (we don't scan coupons, we have to manually key them). I've been forced to rip half the checkstand apart when a credit card got sucked into the belt before. And believe me, you REALLY don't want me to tear it apart in front of you. All I'll say is we had a bad rat infestation a few years ago and leave it at that.
        Rat problem....

        We get the same problem with credit cards, cash, the thin recipe packets and magazines. People are usually unaware of the fact that the belt WILL eat them until I pop the top up to show them. (ours run on a sensor)



        Please use the plastic dividers if you're not leaving a gap between orders. On the other hand, it's insulting to me when you pick up the plastic divider and drop it on the belt in front of your order when nobody is in front of you. Don't give me a dirty look when I immediately pick it up and put it to the side.
        I hate this as well. They are there for a reason. Bonus points if you shove the divider on top of my scanner.

        Our registers allow up to $100 cash back on debit. I normally have no problem with this, but when I see that amount pop up and I'm low on cash, don't get pissed when I tell you "I'm sorry... I have enough cash to do that, but it's going to be mostly $1's and some $5's. Or a $100 bill." The 5 customers ahead of you just cleaned me out doing the same shit. This happens a LOT on express, I've actually gotten down to $10 in 5's and $20 in 1's, some hundreds, and loose change on there before.
        Ours allow for $500 cash out and yes, it is really irritating when I get several customers demanding cash out.

        As for my idea of a decent customer, I'll give you a basic rundown.

        1) Keeps my checkout politics and sex-free.
        2) Recognizes that I'm human.
        3) If there's a problem, they'll inform me immediately.
        4) They don't grumble if there's a wait.
        The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

        Now queen of USSR-Land...

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        • #5
          The Finnish (and British for that matter) method of dealing with shopping baskets:

          - Go to a queue with a lot of other basket-wielders in it. It moves faster than the ones with lots of trolleys in them, and might even be labelled "Express" for some reason. Better still, go to an open checkout with nobody at all waiting to be served.

          - There's a stack of baskets by the store end of the checkout conveyor. Put your basket on it when it's empty. The store peons will come and collect it by the time it's too tall to reach.

          - There's a set of dividers on a track parallel to the conveyor. Put one on the belt behind your shopping, it tells the next customer to come forward. Yes, it actually says "Next Customer", or the local equivalent "Seuraava Asiakas", on it - that's a big clue.

          - Don't forget to pick up a bag or two from the repository under (or attached to the end of) the conveyor. You get a choice - paper ones which are biodegradable but might fall apart in the rain, or plastic ones which (in Finland) will last about half a year before you have to get new ones, even if you habitually fill them with rocks, or (in Britain) have a roughly 10% chance of falling apart even if it isn't raining. In Britain you get the further choice of a "Bag For Life", which are basically bags imported from Finland and tripled in price. Better still, take off your backpack and put your shopping in there, or use your existing "Bag For Life".

          - While packing your bag, of whatever description, try to stay out of other customers' way.

          - Remember to pay.

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          • #6
            I guess mines just someone who acknowleges my existance and actually belongs onsite.
            that aside doesn't really matter.

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            • #7
              My ideal customer is one who gives all the info to the automated system they have to speak to before getting put through to me, so all I have to do is type it up real quick, then say "Good (period of day), please hold for the number".
              Long days, short nights, a bottle of NOS makes it all right.

              Canadians Unite !

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              • #8
                Our belts also run on a sensor.. infafred sensor just like 99% of the grocery belts in the world. Ours just happen to be slightly less sensitive, so your 200 page copy of Oprah's obese goodness won't stop it until the gallon of lemonade the customer behind you is trying to purchase crams it into the space only a piece of paper should occupy. When their 5 gallons of lemonade occupy that space, they generally crush everything in front of the 5 gallon bottle and I wind up spending 10 minutes cleaning up the checkstand. Bonus points if they short out the scanner, which has happened to me once (customer threw a cup of coffee on the scanner, it spilled, scanner got SERIOUSLY fucked up, customer bolted for the door, we bought a new $6000 NCR scanner as our service contract didn't cover "negligence").

                And seriously, I was a backup cashier today. That means I only got on a register when it was really busy, the rest of the day I was bagging or doing other tasks. You see that BRIGHT LIGHT with the number TWO on it? (I was on register 2) You see that it's not lit up? You might even see the "NEXT LANE PLEASE" sign that I've conveniently placed on the belt. The light being out AND that metal sign on the belt does NOT mean unload 2 carts worth of groceries on the belt while nobody is looking!

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