I keep telling myself it's just stuff

[Aethian]

*snuggle hugs*

[FuzzyKitten99]

My house has burned down.

have pretty much lost everything. I keep telling myself it's just stuff, but ...

I had my house burn down back in Dec 08. Most of what we lost was replaceable, except for three things: both my boys' baby books, and our cat Milo.

We were all in the house at the time (it happened about midnight or so), luckily I heard the fire alarms since I hadn't gone to bed that much earlier and I really wasn't sleeping deeply.

My kids were and still are a bit scarred emotionally from the whole event. When the smoke alarms go off from something even lightly burning, they get upset and panic. Not as bad as before, but still.

Most of our photos and albums had been out in the garage because we were in the process of moving stuff out of the basement in preparation to renovate it.

But...I lost those things that I did cherish and I lost some sentimental things that couldn't be replaced.

I know how you feel-I have been there. It sucks.

[MoonCat]

That's horrible. So glad you're OK but yeah, it's hard to lose stuff that had meaning and value to you.

[Food Lady]

hugs to kansasgal and fuzzykitten

[flybye023]

I'm so sorry.

A suggestion for the future though when things have settled down. Do you have family and/or friends who would have pictures? In this day and age I would think it would be pretty easy to make copies to replace a little of what you lost.

[LillFilly]

I'm sorry for you; fires are one of my biggest fears.

Maybe when you're settled we can all send you some things to help out. I did a dragon painting I could send to help you start your collection again!

[Mytical]

I don't have any dragons, but got some Unicorns to send if you want a few. Let me know if there is anything I can do, even if it is just a shoulder to lean on. Lost a lot to a fire myself, know it can be hard.

[Akasa]

You have my sympathies. I too had a house fire about 20 years ago. I know what you're going through as far as "I can't replace it!" goes. The rocking chair my mom made when she found out she was pregnant with me went up in flames. It may not have had much monetary worth, but so many childhood memories were in that chair. Irreplaceable. You're going to spend years mourning the loss of your pictures, you'll have occasional pangs of missing them. It's natural. Don't beat yourself up over being upset at their loss.

[Eireann]

What Akasa said. It's natural to mourn what you've lost. Don't try to downplay it. What a horrible thing to experience.

[Geek King]

I keep telling myself it's just stuff, but ...

I'm sorry you're going through this, kansasgal. It's not "just stuff", it's also memories and experiences--don't underestimate the need to mourn those a bit. Some folks won't understand that, but you can ignore them for now.

I'm glad there were no physical injuries, to you, yours, or your pets. Also, that you've got insurance that stepped up quick, will replace what can be replaced, and will keep you housed and fed. Hang in there.

[Crossbow]

I'm so sorry, kansasgal. I'm glad everyone is ok, including the dogs. "things" can be replaced, but sentimental value and memories can't. I know my wife and I have things we'd both be heartbroken if we lost.

[Merriweather]

So sorry for you, my sympathies, what a horrible thing to go through.

Obviously, be thankful you and your animals made it out safe and sound, of course that's most important. And definitely, a lot of things you lost are "only stuff", go shopping with insurance money for a "better" coffee maker, a more comfortable sofa, etc - those are easy, have a little fun with it if you can.

But then there are the "special" items, the items that yes, you can, and should, grieve a little for. Those photos, keepsakes and such represent your life, and losing them feels like losing a little part of your life. First, I would contact any and all family members, old family friends, etc - even those you barely know. Ask them to go through their photos, offer to pay to make copies of any they have of you and your family. Hopefully, you'll have enough to do up an album or two, and you may even end up with some you'd never have seen (after my parents died, leaving very few photos, I talked to an aunt I had seen maybe once in 30 years, she sent me photos of them, and even one photo of me, taken at age three - I'd never seen a photo of myself from age 1 to age 6, it was totally amazing).

Losing "special" items is really a fear of losing those memories associatd with them, the ones that come back to you when you look at it. It might help to make a little scrapbook of the "special" things you lost. Even a simple little 5x7 book, where you describe the item, what it meant to you, etc, then if possible, find a similar item on the web and put the photo of that beside your comments. If you had photos & post cards from places you visited or lived, look on the web for generic photos & postcards of that place, in that general time frame, and put those into a book. And even if you have no photos, you can still talk about the items in the little book. It might help ease the loss.

Ok, I'm going to make a few comments here aimed at all the rest of us who haven't faced what you're going through, at least not recently, so Kansasgal, you may not want to read this part, the last thing you want to hear right now is things that could have been done before - but maybe it'll help someone else, so I hope you don't mind me putting it here. But I don't want to upset you, so if it does, contact me, and I'll edit it out.

Ok, I'm not insulting anyone's intelligence with a talk on smoke alarms, etc. But after my sister lost so much in a fire, I felt I can make a few suggestions that might help, heaven forbid, anyone who faces this.

I'm especially attached to my "things" because I grew up moving all over the country - I have no roots, no home town, and most family are now gone. So my "things" really are my life, in a way. I have hand carved animals done by my dad with a pocket knife, quilts made by my grandmother, post cards from places visited as a child, etc.

First step, identify what's extra special to you - keepsakes, souvenirs, heirlooms, etc. Take photos of each of those objects. Next, scan special documents (report cards, children's drawings, old post cards, etc). Don't forget things stored in boxes in closets, or with Christmas decorations, etc. Next, scan any photographs that you don't have on your computer - the pre-digital ones, the school photos, the ones sent by friends. Now, take all your photos, including those of the special objects & the scans of documents, and organize them (by date, subject, whatever, doesn't have to be anything all that detailed. Now, burn DVDs of all photos - make at least two copies.

Keep one set in a reasonably safe place against computer crashes, minor home damage, burglarly, etc. Give at least another set to someone you trust (carefully labeled with your name, of course).

Long-term project, admittedly, but amazing how quiclly it can go if you work on it a couple of hours a night when watching TV or somethiing. One step further would be to make a litlte scrapbook/photo album of copies of some of the special items, and write down what's special about them. Even if you never lose the items, it shows the stories behind the things on the shelf. Oh, and scrapbooks - be sure to take photos or scan the scrapbook pages as well, and put them on the safely out of the house DVDs.

Nothing can bring back lost items, but having the photos of those items keeps the memories associated with them alive. And having all your photos of family & friends stored somewhere safe is the best emotional insurance I know of. My daughter and I regularly "dump" all our digital photos from our computers for each other. I not only have every photo ever taken of my granddaughter, but I was able to replace them to her when her hard drive crashed and she lost 90% of her photos.

[Bella_Vixen]

Sorry for your loss. *hugs*

This thread gave me the idea of getting a fire proof box to put my Rookie's ashes in. I'd be devastated if I lost her again.

[kansasgal]

I actually just got back from meeting the adjusters at the house and going through everything we have lost. It looks like the majority of our things will be thrown out or have been too badly damaged by the fire to save. It is upsetting to think of how much of my life is gone in this fire, I can't believe how much I had that I will never be able to use again. I also can't believe that I had over 400 books in my room alone, and over 1000 all together...WOW. They counted them all, lol. 600 DVD's, all of my electronics - three laptops, two desktops, three TV's, three DVD players, when you start to add it up it just overwhelms you.

Right now I don't know what we will need, or want, when this all settles. I have finally found a house so we will be moving out of the hotel next week, and will get back to some kind of normalcy, and I will be better able to think then.

I echo what Merriweather said. Get copies of everything. Some things you can't replace (the chair my great grandfather built for my great grandmother when he found out she was pregnant with my grandmother), but you can keep everything else.

I know it's just stuff, and, as I have been telling my friends, the fire got me out of spring cleaning this year, so it will be easier to clean when we move back in, but it is overwhelming to think about stuff you buy and don't think about til something like this happens. The Celtic Drum (Bohdran?) I bought for my son at the RenFaire, the pictures of people who have died, my dragons (and yes, I miss them..they kept me strong), ALL of my herbs and potion makings, my alter, things that I can replace eventually.

Today was both good and bad, as I faced the fact that we lost almost everything, but then my daughter in law and I went to Aaron's Rent to Own to furnish the rental house, and I just went around the showroom and went "I want that, and that, and two of those...", which was really great. Didn't worry about price, nothing. That part was VERY fun, and VERY rewarding for me..as George Carlin said, what do you do when you lose your stuff? GET More stuff!

I cannot tell you all how much it has meant to me over the last few days to have the outpouring of kindness from you, it has helped me to keep sane and focused in a time when either one of those things was questionable. I love and appreciate all of you, and if ever any of you need anything, please just let me know.

Patricia - Kansasgal

[Zaiida]

I am so sorry kansasgirl, what an awful thing to happen. I am glad no one was hurt.