Dammit what the hell is wrong with me

[ArcticChicken]

I'm sitting here crying for no good fucking reason.

I got a letter today saying I got an honorable mention in a poetry contest I entered at school, which is a huge deal for me because I've always struggled with writing anything and this is the first time ever I was willing to let anyone who wasn't a teacher read something I'd written. So, of course, I texted my mom and my boyfriend. Mom replied with the usual mom stuff, nothing from my BF. Not a huge surprise, he doesn't text, but, y'know, I would have liked it if he'd called me when he had a moment. But, whatever, we talk on Skype every fucking day. So later we're talking, and he says nothing. But I really want him to say something to me without me having to remind him, so I wait. But he doesn't say anything. So later we're talking on the phone like we do when we're going to bed and I asked him if he's gotten my text, because I want the acknowledgement more than I want him to fucking remember on his own, and he's all "Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten about that, congratulations." And I KNOW what he meant is "That's really cool, good for you" so why the hell do I keep hearing "Whatever, I don't really care"?

And WHY THE HELL am I mad that he can't tell that I'm crying on the other end of the line, when I'm trying desperately to hide the fact that I'm crying on the other end of the line, 'cause I KNOW he didn't mean it the way my stupid fucked up brain decided to hear it, and I don't want to make him feel bad, especially not right as he's going to sleep, and I'm going to see him tomorrow so I can talk to him then and maybe I'll be able to talk to him like a rational human being instead of a crazy, stupid, over-sensitive BITCH.

[MaggieTheCat]

Noo no, you're none of those things. In fact, you sound exactly how I might react in a similar situation; I know it's dumb and irrational but it happens anyway, and then I beat myself up over it.

*hugs* and know you're not alone. And congrats on the poetry contest, that is is super-awesome!

[firecat88]

Firstly, congrats on the contest. :3

Second, there's nothing wrong about wanting to be recognized for something that you've done. It doesn't make you crazy, stupid, over-sensitive, or a bitch. When I'm all excited and trying to tell people about something I've accomplished and they're just 'Uh huh. That's nice.' about it, it upsets me too. So I can totally understand where you're coming from.

[Bright_Star]

I got over worrying about if someone recognized my accomplishments a LONG time ago. You know YOU did good so why worry about if someone close to you sees it or not? The stress aint worth it.
Hold your head high & move foreward.

[Teysa]

Congratulations.

One question though. Is it close to that time of the month? That could explain the emotional issues. I know I'm a such a wreck during that time that the dog and hubby both hide from me.

[telecom_goddess]

Congrats I know that's got to be a huge thing. I think your bf is being a clueless twit for not remembering.

Of course you're upset I would be too.

[Mytical]

I can answer that question. Absolutely nothing. You have the right to feel any way you want, and there is nothing wrong with it. *offers hugs and cookies*

[Pixilated]

First of all ...
CONGRATULATIONS!

That is awesome!

And sorry but I agree ... BF is a twit. The argument "Well, that's just how I am" doesn't fly. IMO there needs to be some serious talk here about why he can't make the effort to show a little more enthusiasm on your behalf. What came across here -- to me at least -- is that he is deliberately withholding something that you want/need, and that to me would be grounds for "See ya!" (Then again, I'm neither married nor even semi-attached ATM, so ... maybe this explains why, LOL)

Would you consider having a chat with him -- nonconfrontational, once you are calmer -- and explain the situation to him: that it hurt you a lot that he apparently didn't even remember your big news, and that when you did remind him, his reaction was lukewarm at best. Then ... see what he says.

[ArcticChicken]

What came across here -- to me at least -- is that he is deliberately withholding something that you want/need, and that to me would be grounds for "See ya!" (Then again, I'm neither married nor even semi-attached ATM, so ... maybe this explains why, LOL)

That's, no, no that wasn't what happened at all.

He just forgot. Because sometimes that happens. I talked to him, he apologized. I cried some, he held me, I feel better. Less like a crazy person. I think the real problem is that I've been under a lot of stress lately. My Grandfather was maybe dying for a couple of weeks (he's OK now), and finals, add all that to a lifetime of depression and this just pushed me over the edge.

He's really a sweetheart, and he's usually very good at this kind of thing.