Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A myriad of musical jokes.

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • A myriad of musical jokes.

    Why are trombone players better lovers?

    Trumpet players do it with three fingers.
    Baritone players do it with four fingers.
    Trombone players do it in seven different positions.

    What do you call two trumpet players and three tuba players walking into a strip club?
    A: Horny*.

    Why was the piano invented?
    A: So musicians have somewhere to put their beers.

    *-one of the guys in band calls our French horn players "horny people." He also refers to the piccolo as "pick your nose" and the saxes as "Sexy people."
    The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

    Now queen of USSR-Land...

  • #2
    C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

    D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

    E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

    Eventually, C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental. The judge rules that all contrary motions are bassless.
    I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    My LiveJournal
    A page we can all agree with!

    Comment


    • #3
      When my aunt went to Europe she brought back some notepads with "Shopping Liszt" on them and potholders with "Too hot to Handel".

      Comment


      • #4
        A group of engineers was arguing about which note the horn on a steam roller should sound. Eventually it wound up as a choice between C sharp or B flat.
        Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth fireheart17 View Post
          Why are trombone players better lovers?

          Trumpet players do it with three fingers.
          Baritone players do it with four fingers.
          Trombone players do it in seven different positions.
          But what he's playing a valve trombone?

          Quoth fireheart17

          *-one of the guys in band calls our French horn players "horny people." He also refers to the piccolo as "pick your nose" and the saxes as "Sexy people.
          Hey! That means I was once a sexy person!
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
            But what he's playing a valve trombone?
            Those aren't real trombones. They're more like bass trumpets. Or maybe Fisher Price "My First Trombone."
            Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

            http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth edible_hat View Post
              When my aunt went to Europe she brought back some notepads with "Shopping Liszt" on them and potholders with "Too hot to Handel".
              That's Chopin Liszt.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post



                Hey! That means I was once a sexy person!
                And you're not sexy now?
                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                Now queen of USSR-Land...

                Comment


                • #9
                  *blinks* You people scare me and I once played in a city symphony and heard these jokes almost monthly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth fireheart17 View Post
                    Why are trombone players better lovers?

                    Trumpet players do it with three fingers.
                    Baritone players do it with four fingers.
                    Trombone players do it in seven different positions.
                    also because they're tromboners.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      On the same note...

                      Q: How long does it take to tune a banjo?

                      A: Nobody knows.
                      The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                      The stupid is strong with this one.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth wolfie View Post
                        A group of engineers was arguing about which note the horn on a steam roller should sound. Eventually it wound up as a choice between C sharp or B flat.
                        I don't get it.
                        Did you mean B# and Cb, and the joke is that they are enharmonics of the same note?
                        "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          How do you get five flutes to play in unison?
                          A: shoot four of them.

                          (same joke can involve piccolos, oboes or French horns. They're notoriously hard to tune)
                          The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                          Now queen of USSR-Land...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth Gawdzillers View Post
                            I don't get it.
                            Did you mean B# and Cb, and the joke is that they are enharmonics of the same note?
                            Actually the joke is if you don't "see sharp" (look carefully) you're "be flat" (run over by the steamroller).
                            Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                            http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Also, neither Cb or B# actually exist. (Look at a piano keyboard.)

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X