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  • Science Geek Humor

    So the bacteria joke in Knightmare's thread got me thinking about the really esoteric humor. Jokes that are so specialized that only people in the field really get them. So share your best (worst?) ones. Explanations are fair to ask for, but you have to provide a joke too. Oh, try to mention the dicipline it comes from too. Easier to get a joke if you're thinking in the right direction.

    Starting joke: Chemistry

    I have seen my chemistry proffessor mix two clear liquids and they turn green. I've also seen a bartender mixes two clear liquors and serves them to a guy who turns green and falls to the floor. If the drinker is the precipitant, does that mean alcohol really is the solution?
    The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
    "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
    Hoc spatio locantur.

  • #2
    Landscapers

    Guy brought back a roll of perf drain today... Said it wasn't any good... There were holes all through it.
    Eben56
    If ultimately you let the people that fuck you over decide your attitude then they won.

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    • #3
      Three statics professors went on a duck shoot
      The first one fired, the shot sailed six inches over the target
      The second fire, the shot went six inches south of the target
      The third shouted WE GOT IT!
      A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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      • #4
        A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
        "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
        "That's it, I can never remember that word."

        I have other ones, but some I'd need to draw and unless you've taken some of the more advanced chem classes, you wouldn't get them...
        "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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        • #5
          So, two atoms are walking down the street, and one says to the other
          "Oh my god, I think I've just lost an electron!"
          "Are you sure?"
          "Yes, I'm positive."
          The High Priest is an Illusion!

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          • #6
            Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
            There's no such thing as a stupid question... just stupid people.

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            • #7
              Black holes suck.

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              • #8
                "Little Timmy was a chemist
                Little Timmy is no more,
                For what he thought was H20
                was H2S04"


                Warning! Math joke!

                Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?
                Person 2: A natural log cabin.
                Person 1: No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the c!
                Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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                • #9
                  Why did the dyslexic paranoid insomniac become an atheist?
                  He would lay awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

                  Musician humor:

                  Why could Michael Angelo Batio, Yngwie Malmsteen, and Paul Gilbert all be valuable assets in an office?
                  They're all great shredders.

                  (Made that last one up m'self )
                  "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

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                  • #10
                    A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
                    The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.
                    The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
                    The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

                    A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"
                    "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Gawdzillers View Post
                      Musician humor:
                      More musician humor:

                      C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

                      D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

                      E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

                      Eventually, C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental. The judge rules that all contrary motions are bassless.
                      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                      My LiveJournal
                      A page we can all agree with!

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                      • #12
                        Philosophy....

                        Decartes walks into a pub, and the bartender asks if he would like a drink. Decartes says "No, I think not", and promptly disappears.


                        I like the thread, and scarily enough - I am understanding them all (well - almost.. If it wasn't for Yngwie I'd be lost, and my other musical abilities aren't too great...)
                        When I said "From my research", what I actually meant to say was "Made shit up" - from a thottbot thread

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                        • #13
                          Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

                          Rapscallion

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                          • #14
                            This is actually a summary of a satirical essay that biologists apparently LOVE:

                            Two retired biologists--one a biochemist, the other a molecular geneticist--live beside each other, and are chatting about the car factory below. They both want to know how it works, and they want to know if it can be compared to what goes on in the nucleus of the average cell.

                            They argue how it should be done, and agree to try to prove it via the techniques that they used during their careers.

                            The boichemist does it by taking a car right off the assembly line, crushing it up, and examining what the car is made up of. By doing so, he'll know what's going on in the factory.

                            The geneticist does it by walking done to the factory each day, and tying a workers hands together so he can't work that day. The geneticist then walks home, reads the paper, drinks coffee, and waits for the factory to stop producing cars.



                            Whoever said that biologists have no sense of humour?!?
                            I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                            Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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                            • #15
                              A group of engineers of various disciplines are sitting around in a bar.

                              "So, looking at the human body, what kind of engineer do you think God is?"
                              "An electrical engineer. The nervous system is the greatest piece of electrical work on the planet."
                              "No, a mechanical engineer. The way short muscles contract to move long bones, just like levers. It's a marvel of mechanical engineering."
                              "You're both wrong, God's a civil engineer. Who else would put a sewer in the middle of a recreational area?"
                              Last edited by edible_hat; 03-04-2008, 09:27 AM.

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