Fantasy closing announcements *one swear!*

[Lace Neil Singer]

So as not to hijack the old thread. Post what you really want to say when it's time to make the closing announcement.

Ones I've thought of are:

"We're closing in 10 minutes. If you're not out of here by that time, we're releasing the hounds."

"If you don't leave in 10 minutes, we'll lock you in and make you work the night shift for no pay."

And the short but sweet:

"We're closed. Bugger off."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Good evening, the store is now closed and will self-destruct in 5,4,3,2,1.....

[Hotelboy]

"Security to aisle two! Reports of a skunk!"

[Becks]

"We're closed, we have lives, we hate this hell-hole. Please come to the registers with your items so we can get away from this soul-sucking, spirit-breaking building of misery."

I like that one.

[SteverinoNY]

I like the old stand-by: "Go the hell away and bother someone else...Wal-Mart is also 24 hours, please go suck out their souls and make their lives hell" (Apologies to anyone who works at a Wally World)

[Acolyte]

'We are closing in 10 minutes. Get out. Anybody who orders between now and midnight is not responsible for any bodily fluids found in their meals. And, trust me, there's gonna be some.'

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

Attention Hollywood Video customers. It is now five minutes to midnight and we are about to close. Please bring your purchases up to the register so that we can ring you out.

*five minutes later*

Attention Hollywood Video customers, the time is now midnight and we are closed. It's cool though, you can stay. The closing time doesn't apply to you. You can stay as long as you want to, because dammit, you're the customer, and the customer is always right, even if the customer says that we should stay open until one the morning. Please, take all the time you need to decide whether you should take home Date Movie or Wedding Crashers to watch with your stoner friends. We realize that this is a difficult and harrowing decision to make, and I speak for our entire staff when I say that we sympathize with you in your time of need. So, like I said, go ahead and browse through every single movie we have in stock. The GSR and I have nowhere to be, and besides, you are more important than we are anyway, on account of you don't work behind a counter or use phrases like "on account of." You are far more intelligent than either of us for the same reason (even though I'm a nursing student and my coworker here is doing pre-med), so if you say the store should be open, well hell, you must be right. Besides, Hollywood stores are staffed not by humans, but by robots equipped with customer service subroutines. As robots, we do not require food, rest, or respect, for that matter, so if you'd like to make a fat joke on your way out, that's cool too. We will reopen at ten AM tomorrow morning, but feel free to bust open the (broken) lock on the door at nine-thirty. Thanks again for choosing Hollywood. I hate you all. Have a pleasant evening."

(This actually has happened on many occasions. There is a group of people who always come in at 11:58, insist that they know exactly what they want, and then stay until 12:30. One night, we kicked them out, being as we were closed, and they called corporate. Corporate, in turn, called us, and told us that we were not allowed to kick people out no matter how late they stayed in the store.)

[Kiwi]

I always wanted to play that song "closing time"

slowly dim the lights and have someone in a husky voice say "the love tarps will be spread out in 5 minutes, anyone in the store at that time will be required to strip and GET FUNKY"

as disco balls come down from the ceiling

that would get them out faster than a greased pig

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

"the love tarps will be spread out in 5 minutes, anyone in the store at that time will be required to strip and GET FUNKY"

Arr Oh Eff Ell.

*wipes iced tea off the screen of her laptop*

[Acolyte]

"the love tarps will be spread out in 5 minutes, anyone in the store at that time will be required to strip and GET FUNKY"

Totally sigged.

[Jack T. Chance]

I always wanted to play that song "closing time"

I'd go one better, and make a mix CD at least 30 minutes long to play during the last half hour that the store is open. It would have "Closing Time", that "So Long" song from The Sound of Music, "Goodbye" by Gravity Kills, and any other songs with the same basic theme. It would be cranked up to full volume, so as to beat the customers over the head with the message!

slowly dim the lights and have someone in a husky voice say "the love tarps will be spread out in 5 minutes, anyone in the store at that time will be required to strip and GET FUNKY"

as disco balls come down from the ceiling

that would get them out faster than a greased pig

Dude, that would ROCK!!!

[Spiffy McMoron]

that would get them out faster than a greased pig

Or maybe it wouldn't...

[Knightmare]

And the short but sweet:

"We're closed. Bugger off."

Is bugger really a swear word? I hear it in movies and television all the time, and I always thought it was like "damn." You know, naughty enough to get the point across, but not bad enough to get one's panties in a bunch.

[Ocelot Girl]

Is bugger really a swear word? I hear it in movies and television all the time, and I always thought it was like "damn." You know, naughty enough to get the point across, but not bad enough to get one's panties in a bunch.

It's not swearing in the colonies, but I remember one time I used it in front of a pair of young British girls who were somewhat shocked by such crass language in public.

[Kiwi]

Bugger is I think a form of verb used to describe ... ahh.. how do I put this the right way an... action between man and animal.

My Grandad just about drove into a powerpole when I said it once as a child.

correct me if im wrong?