Things we would like customers to know - please feel free to add

[Kitten in the box]

If I am wearing a uniform do NOT ask if i work here. The ONLY reason i will wear a uniform is IF I am on duty.

Do not ask me if I think your pet will like xxx food. I am not your pet and do not know what he/she prefers to eat.

Don't tell me about the pothole in our neighboring store's parking lot. seriously. I. don't. care.

Don't complain to me that an item went off sale last week. We have weekly ads. read them. Learn them. Its not my fault nor is it my problem if items go off sale.

[ParkingWitch]

Bring money to the airport. Nothing is free here, the city did away with free parking a year and a half ago.

Locking your purse in the trunk is a good idea when going to the mall to Christmas shop for hours, not so good when you'll be checking out of the parking lot in the next 5 minutes.

Do NOT; bend, fold, spindle, mutilate, chew on, candy coat, coffee soak, or do any thing else to your parking ticket, it goes right back into a reader identical to the one it came out of.

I don't care why you're here, just pay you tab and go away.

[RealUnimportant]

-If I'm behind a barricade, or have piled boxes on top of my register to form a barricade, that means I am not at that register and to go to another one.

-If I'm behind a register, staring right at you, no customers in front of me and I have no barricades or signs in front and I am wearing a uniform, it means yes, I am open.

QFT!

[ozcatbug]

People make mistakes. Yes sometimes that means the employees of the store, but sometimes it is the customer that is mistaken. Yelling "the customer is always right" will get you, at best, eye-rolls from any staff in hearing.

Saying that you bought this product from this store, and have done for the past 5 years is fine. Insisting you bought this product from this store, and have done for the past 5 years after you have been told that this product is from competing store, and that this store has only been open for 8 months, is not fine. Please listen.

Don't lie to staff to get your way. Telling the truth will usually get a better response. Saying that you bought a pair of shoes 6 months ago but the first time they were worn the sole lifted, will typically get a better result than trying to return a pair of obviously well worn sandles, without a receipt, insisting that you bought it 2 weeks ago, the strap broke on the first use, and the staff member that has been filling that section for the past 6 months has NEVER seen that specific item. (Both of these customers tried to get their money back. The nice customer did, the other didn't. Yay for my clothing manager.)

When a staff member tells you that sugar is in aisle 3, directly opposite the cake mixes and right next to the soup, don't berate the employee for lying. Please just look where the staff member has directed. The staff member knows, as she had just filled the sugar IN THAT VERY SPOT. Do not scream at employee that there is no sugar in that aisle. It is also polite to apologise to said employee when she takes you to aisle 3 and shows you the 6 modules of sugar, directly opposite the cake mixes and right next to the soup. It is not polite to turn to employee and insist that there was no sugar there when you looked 5 minutes ago, and it must have been filled in the mean time. Just admit you made a mistake, we won't hold it against you.

Being upset that the store has sold out of a certain table decoration days before Christmas is understandable. In the stress of the season, it can feel like Christmas is ruined, and staff can sympathise. Yelling at a staff member that they have ruined Christmas because the store has sold out of a certain table decoration in the post Christmas sale, 361 days before next Christmas just makes you look stupid.

Listen to staff when they say that something is a popular item and that there are only a few left. Don't yell at that same staff member when you return to buy that same popular item 2 weeks after being told that it would likely sell out by the next day. You were warned.

When a staff member tells you that we have never sold that item at this store, please apologise and admit your mistake. Do not attempt to argue with the staff member with the photographic memory that had worked at the store since before it opened. Do not call that same staff member a liar, don't insist the staff member must be new, don't demand a manager train the staff member properly, don't demand the manager find someone that knows what they are talking about. However it is perfectly acceptable to look ashamed when the manager calls for the same staff member as the "expert in this area". That was a fun one.

When someone is seen on a very hot day at the local theme park walking around wearing overalls, bright yellow t-shirt with employee badge, bright yellow hard hat, gloves, wiping sweat out of her eyes as she carts a 4 litre water bottle towards a ride themed like an oil rig, don't ask the stupidest question ever "Do you work here?" You will not like the response. I make no apologies for my response that day. It was 1:30 pm, on a day that was over 34 celsius, very high humidity, and that was the second time that day I had filled that 4L water bottle with ice and water. That afternoon I was made to see first aid as I had a blinding headache, couldn't concentrate and couldn't remember that only 8 guests could go on the ride at a time. I was told I was dehydrated and should make sure I drink more. At that point I had drunk at least 6L of water, and eaten mounds of ice to cool down. Not a pleasant day.

[Jay 2K Winger]

-Your jokes aren't funny.

QFT!

From the movie theater:

- Know what movie and showtime you're going to see before reaching the window. You hold up everyone by dickering about it that long.

- Have your ID ready no matter how old you think you look. We don't mess around and can get fired if we screw up and sell tickets to an unaccompanied minor. Your threats, bribes, and whining will do nothing except make us laugh at you.

- As with the first item, know what you want at the concession stand before you reach the counter.

- Also, be considerate about others in line while at the concession stand. Ordering two large popcorns, a hotdog, some nachos, and two large sodas, then turning to your three buddies and asking what they want just holds up everybody. Order individually, and use some moderation, god.

- Seriously, have your ID ready. Don't try to convince me to make an exception, I don't give a shit if you left your ID at home.

- You don't want my opinions on movies. There's a very high likelihood I haven't seen <Movie X>. The chances of my having seen it drop exponentially if it's a chick flick or a period piece. (What can I say? I'm a guy, I like my explosions and laughs.)

- No, seriously, have your ID ready.

From the wholesale club:

- Have your membership card ready when it's your turn in line. I know our particular store doesn't card you when you walk in the door, but there are signs all over the front end advising you to have your membership card ready. If you do not have one, go over to the member services desk to either sign up for one or get a temporary one-time pass.

- On that note, read the signs. I realize that our store is different, in that we put our price signs ABOVE the merchandise on the shelves instead of BELOW it, but no, we will not give you the price for Brand A Whatever ($5.00) for your Brand Z Thingamajig ($20.00). No, it's not misleading.

- No, you may not take that clothing into the restroom to try it on before you buy it. Sure, once you've bought it, you can do that, but no unpaid merchandise is allowed in the restroom.

- Don't argue with me about the legality of checking your receipt. If we are in the wrong, it's a matter to take up with corporate, not with the husky FDLP minion at the door. For the record, though, it is not unconstitutional. For one, I'm a private citizen, and so the Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to me. For another, the Fourth Amendment applies to "unreasonable search and seizure." This is not unreasonable, no, it really isn't. You consent to abiding by our store's regulations when you shop here. And if you haven't actually purchased anything in that full cart, then you're stealing, and hey, stay right there while we call the police.

From the IT service desk:

- Please don't small talk at the start of the ticket. I'm not really interested in answering your "how are you doing?" question. I want to get to your problem as quickly as possible, especially when we've got a number of calls in the queue that is going into the double-digits.

- Be patient about your issue. Yes, it may be of vital importance and we absolutely sympathize, but we do not have the ability to crack the whip and get action moving instantaneously. Calling back every hour for a status update will do nothing.

- Be aware that you are not the only user we are servicing. Your issue might seem very important, and I will pacify you by stating I've put an "immediate urgency" on your ticket. And I have, but your ticket's still getting a medium priority.

- Be aware of the time of day. If you are calling after 4:30pm (and especially after 5:30pm), many of the relevant support teams to your issues may have gone home for the day. If it's truly of dire importance, we'll do what we can to get it done now, but for the most part, it will wait until morning when those departments open back up.

- We are just the messengers. We cannot work miracles. We have the ability to work small miracles, true, but major miracles are outside our purview. We will send your problem to them as can work major miracles, but don't scream at us because we can't instantaneously fix your problem.

[TawnyMyst]

I do not have a magic wand and cannot miraculously pull an engine out of my a$$.
You broke it and it will take a few days to repair/ we have to send it away and get a replacement.
It needs fuel and will take an hour to get ready, I won't have it for you in the next 10 minutes.
Don't you think you should have checked with me before ordering a crew for an extra I don't have power for?
We don't have those units yet.
No I don't know where that power is because you never brought it to me, it is not my job to keep track of power on your tracks.

[Android Kaeli]

I'm adding more to this list:

-- If you KNOW you need something by X Date, please be aware that we may or may not have the items in stock or the quanties you need. If you need more of an item then we would be glad to special order something for you, but realize that the standard waiting time is 2-3 weeks to get in on a normal special order.

-- On the note of the special ordering: I, personally, will NOT order one or two of the item that you as a customer need. If you as a customer need one or two of several different items then that's fine, I'll order it for you. But if it's ONE item and you only need ONE of it, no it will NOT be ordered.

-- I also can not order any of our stock, we have not done normal ordering since I first started working for this company many odd years ago. It now is automatic. I'm sorry that Item XYW isn't in stock, it'll come in when the warehouse sends us more.

-- No I will NOT call <Compitetion> for you nor do I know the following about them: their phone number, hours, address, who their SM/ASM/other managers are, and what kind of sales they offer. I am not an employee of <Compitetion> therefore I don't know jack shit about them nor do I care to know.

[ellie]

The show Extreme Couponing is so far from reality it's not even funny.

--The participants illegally obtain the massive amounts of coupons. Purchasing coupons from a third party, like a clipping service is illegal.

--The Store will bend and/or break couponing rules for the sake of TV. Big shocker, the store wants some publicity and they want to be on TV.

--Let's do some math here. You have coupon for $1.00 off 2 deodorants, the cost of 2 deodorants are $6, $5 with coupon. Okay that is a pretty decent deal, if you are buying just the 2. However, if you buy 30 sticks of deodorant that is still $150 using 15 coupons. How much deodorant do you really need? Do you not realize that those coupons come out every couple of months? It's one thing to spend $150 on deodorants over the course of years, but it's another thing to spend that chunk of money on something in one trip. Just think what you could spent with that money today.

--I'm not dumb, I know you aren't donating all those deodorants. Chances are you will return them without a receipt to get the full cash back. Or you will sell them at flea markets/garage sales.

--Don't gripe and moan because you didn't take a $300 order to 25 cents. Normal couponing will save you 30-40%. Just because you saw a freaknut do that on TV doesn't mean you can do it too. Maybe if you want to save money on your grocery bill, don't buy 20 bottles of mustard because you have coupons for 20 cents off.

[Emerald Knight]

-When a cashier says, 'Right, I'm refusing you service, get out of [enter appropriate term for workplace here]' it means don't come back the same day. Especially if they're on the ground floor (like Box Office where I work)
-Asking us if a film has 'dirty bits' in it when you're no older than 12 is not funny or clever, especially if you get told to stop once and you still do it. That's only going to get you kicked out, especially if you offer an apology you don't keep once.

[XCashier]

Most of this is a from an earlier thread, with a few more added.

So, you want to make something? Great! We’ll be happy to help you at the fabric store, if you remember a few simple guidelines:

1. Before you come into the store, measure whatever it is you’re covering / whoever you’re making an outfit for / otherwise figure out how much cloth you need. Don’t just assume that we know how much fabric you’ll need to make a tablecloth for your dining room table. Tables come in all sizes. Similarly, don’t assume that our salesperson is the same size as the person you’re making the gift for, or the fabric counter is the size of the area you’re trying to cover; the odds against that are quite long.

2. Don’t give yourself airs. Chances are, you are not the only customer in the store. You wouldn’t want someone else to cut in line in front of you, or to interrupt your service, so don’t do the same to them.

3. If you are getting multiple pieces of cloth cut, don’t dump a few bolts at the counter, tell the employee how much you want of each, and then wander off to get more fabric. We have this wonderful invention, you may have heard of it, called a shopping cart (or trolley). With it, you can carry many heavy bolts of fabric without straining yourself. Just take a cart from the convenient location by the front door, wheel it around the store and put all the bolts you want in it, then when you’ve picked out all the fabric you want, then you can wait in line at the cut counter. It’s no different than the grocery store; you get everything you want before you get in line.

4. Seriously, it’s really rude, not only to the employees but to the other customers, to keep going back and forth, changing your mind and taking up the employee’s time at the cut counter. S/he could’ve served several other guests in the time it took you to go back and forth and decide whether you wanted the chiffon or the georgette.

5. If you’re browsing the fabric racks and decide you don’t want the fabric you picked out, put it back the way you found it. Not upside down, not in the wrong rack, not dumped on top of the racks or on the floor. Would you want someone to make a mess of your place like that? No? Then don't do it to ours!

6. You tell us how much fabric you want, and we will roll it out to measure and cut. You do not ask us to measure out all the fabric on the bolt, then say you only want x yards. We have to reroll all that excess fabric back onto the bolt, and that takes yet more time.

7. This is America. We still use inches and yards to measure. Yes, I know the rest of the world uses meters, don’t ask me why we’re still using inches and yards, don’t mock me for it, it’s not my idea. No, we don’t have a conversion chart in the store (I’ve looked), but there are many available online, so you can figure out how much you need before you go to the fabric store (see Rule 1).

8. I am an employee of the store. I am not your personal servant. Again, I have other customers to help; I cannot spend several hours on you. I do not care how important you (think you) are, or how much you’re planning to spend. Get your act together beforehand and we can both get done more quickly.

9. Don't drum your fingers on the cutting counter, tap your feet, sigh, look pointedly at your watch or otherwise indicate your impatience. Yes, I know waiting sucks, but you trying to make me hurry up will only screw up your fabric. Sure, I could cut it faster, but it'd look like Wolverine slashed it with his claws. So, do you want a clean, straight cut or a hideous jagged edge? I thought so. Stop with the impatient attitude already!

10. GET OFF THE PHONE! It's rude to not only the employee, but to the other customers -- yes, those other humans you see queued up behind you giving you glares -- to be babbling away on the cell phone while ignoring the employee who is trying to complete the transaction.

TL;DR version: Plan ahead, use your brain, leave the snobby attitude at home and for heaven's sake, use a shopping cart if you're getting a lot of fabric!

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Yes, we do offer expedited UPS shipping (either 1-2 day or 2-3 day) for an extra fee for many of our smaller non-furniture items. However, as with anything else, there are limitations, which are clearly listed on our website and in our catalog. Please familiarize yourself with them before you place an order that you "need" tomorrow. First of all, UPS does not deliver on weekends unless you are very very VERY special (guess what? there's a 99.9999% chance you're not) and you're willing to pay out the ass. So if you place an order at 3 PM on a Friday, you've missed the cutoff for expedited shipping for that day - your stuff is not even leaving our warehouse until at least Monday. Also, we don't expedite free stuff like fabric samples so don't expect those to get there immediately either...those are usually sent via USPS, and while they DO work Saturdays, we use Priority Mail so the usual time for shipment is about 2-3 days, but it's not guaranteed.

Don't tell me our website/catalog doesn't say this anywhere. I know it does and I know where, and I'd be happy to point it out, even though you'll claim not to know what it means or that we just put that there 30 seconds ago to mess up your life.

[BrenDAnn]

10. GET OFF THE PHONE! It's rude to not only the employee, but to the other customers -- yes, those other humans you see queued up behind you giving you glares -- to be babbling away on the cell phone while ignoring the employee who is trying to complete the transaction.

QFT! I HATE it when people are on their phone at the counter! A few from the c-store:

-Read your coupons, Does it say you have to order a certain kind of large (ie specialty) to get your medium free? If so, order correctly!
-We cannot give you this month's special when you use a coupon. Sorry. the coupon and our signage both say "Not valid with any other offer"
-Speaking of signage, READ IT! If you look around, most cooler sections are labeled (soda, juices, ice, etc). Also, there is clearly a LARGE menu board above the kitchen. READ THEM. Don't start blankly and then look at me as if you're lost in the middle of nowhere.
-Yes, you really need your ID to buy that alcohol/those cigarettes/that chew/those lottery tickets. I'm serious. We've gone over this before.
-I don't care if I supposedly ID you "every time". I see close to 500 people a day at the C-store. You aren't one of them that I remember.
-Learn to use the gas pumps. For my sanity's sake...learn to use them. Please.
-No, you don't get half off your slices of pizza. They aren't old. Really they aren't. We refresh the pizza by the slice every hour.
-Donuts are NOT day old until the morning after they are first put out. Coming in at 10 at night and asking to pay day old price will get you nowhere. Besides, we only sell them as day olds by the dozen. I have no key for single day olds!
-Please watch your children. We have lots of things in every aisle at kid level, and they're likely to pick them up and run off with them, or open and try to eat them if it's gum or candy.

[RealUnimportant]

-I don't care if I supposedly ID you "every time". I see close to 500 people a day at the C-store. You aren't one of them that I remember.

This, so very much this - with the addendum "if I ID you every time you come in, why are you surprised at me doing it now? You have no excuse for being unprepared."

[Kanalah]

From a crafter:

-If you want a discount, ask politely. Insulting my work won't get you any favors.

-I *Make* everything. There are signs up all over explaining this. If you see something you like and want it in a different color/size/whatever please ask. Sometimes the answer is still "no"

-Designer fabric manufacterers only print so much fabric. Everytime you go to a store are the clothes always the same? Likewise as much as I would love to make you that awesome quilt, all the fabric sold out in February, I can't even find it on Ebay.

-For Dog's sake plan ahead! You know when Christmas is! If you want to order something to be ready by Christmas, order it early. I already have 5 Christmas orders, tyvm. They asked me starting in September because they know I'm busy.

[Sparky]

If you are calling to make an appointment -

- Have some kind of freaking CLUE when you are available! Have your date book or planner ready. If I ask what day of the week is best for you the correct answer is not "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CH CH CH CH CH CH uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

- If it is a busy time for whatever you need, call early. Do not expect to get an appointment in the next 48 hours during peak times.

- The correct response to "I have a 2:00 on Tuesday and that's the only time I have that day" is not "do you have a 2:30?"

- Cell phones are spiffy, but must you really make that call while standing on a noisy street corner?

- And for Pete's sake, spit out the damn gum!