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How Not to Get Hired 101

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  • #31
    Quoth Chazzie View Post
    Slightly offtopic, but I never did understand this particular question on applications... The "What kind of job would you like?" question. Seeing as I want anything that'll pay me money, I put "anything". Then it asked me what hours I want. Seeing as I have no job or any other obligations, I put "anytime". My friend's father got extremely irritated with me.
    Next time, try "open".

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    • #32
      Quoth Gurndigarn View Post
      Next time, try "open".
      Or "I am available all hours but would prefer [hours that fit your lifestyle]".

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      • #33
        Quoth edible_hat View Post
        Or "I am available all hours but would prefer [hours that fit your lifestyle]".
        I've noticed, a lot of places will break it down by daily availability with "From:" and "To:" lines. For those, I used to write in "Open" and "Close" respectively. Now, since I've figured out I respond best to a mostly-nocturnal schedule, I fill in "1pm" and "Close", since I'm applying for late-night jobs.
        ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
        And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

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        • #34
          Stickied - seems to be a good topic to do that to.

          Rapscallion

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          • #35
            Quoth Rapscallion View Post
            Stickied - seems to be a good topic to do that to.

            Rapscallion
            Yaaay! I can has a sticky topic!!!
            I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
            Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
            Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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            • #36
              Be 2 hours late for your interview (bonus points if you believe me when i say i'm going to reschedual it)

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              • #37
                Have your mother come in with you, staple your application to your resume (with my stapler), and hand it to me. I have nothing against you having someone with you, but if your mother does all the work, I might get the impression that you don't want the job. True, I have absolutely nothing to do with the hiring process, but I will get on the headset and mock you as a "momma's boy" to the manager. I can be a real dick sometimes, but at least hand me your own application.
                Expect great things, but you'll get what you get.

                PossJB

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                • #38
                  I did this one.

                  TOTAL and COMPLETE brain-to-mouth filter failure.

                  While looking to get hired as a programmer, I was talking to the potential boss and one of the art guys... He asks me what I do for fun, and I say, oh, I read books and play computer games.

                  Potential Boss: Oh, what kinds of games?
                  Me: Well, strategy games, usually. I used to play WoW, but I realized it was basically an unpaid job I didn't even like much any more.
                  PB: Oh, so you don't like first person shooters?
                  Me: Nah- I just don't like all the inaccuracy built into them, and how it's so hard to aim. I can shoot someone in the head at 300 meters over iron sights, and I feel like games should be EASIER than shooting someone in real life...
                  PB: ...
                  Me: (thinking) DID I JUST SAY THAT?!... I mean... uhh...
                  PB: ...
                  Me: ...so, changing the topic...

                  I R SMOOTH.

                  The lesson of the day! If you are ALREADY a creepy mo-fo, do NOT casually speculate during the INTERVIEW about how easy it is for you to snuff out another human bein' from just under a quarter of a mile away... Nor ought you to imply in the context of the conversation that this would be an entertainin' activity.
                  Last edited by Arm; 08-29-2008, 02:22 PM.
                  "Joi's CEO is about as sneaky and subtle as a two year old on crack driving an air craft carrier down Broadway." - Broomjockey

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                  • #39
                    Respond to "how do you deal with difficult customers?" with "I usually fob them off to the service desk." While it may be true, you don't get the job.

                    Alternately, don't mistake the boss for an Indian telemarketer and hang up on them.

                    Oh and finally, don't hand up a resume WITHOUT a cover letter.

                    These cost me jobs at an arcade and a bookstore (respectively)
                    The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                    Now queen of USSR-Land...

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                    • #40
                      variation on a theme-
                      how not to get someone to take a job
                      when you respond to an online application with an email telling you a number to dial, give the person the number to the last place you were the manager of... double bonus points if the last place you were a manager of is in need of the same position and ends up hiring the person you were looking to recruit... that is how I got my current job.
                      If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                      • #41
                        Quoth Arm View Post
                        I can shoot someone in the head at 300 meters over iron sights, and I feel like games should be EASIER than shooting someone in real life...
                        I'm impressed, I'd hire you

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                        • #42
                          Quoth nomorecarts View Post
                          I'm impressed, I'd hire you
                          It's not as hard as it sounds

                          The 300 meter popup stays up the longest of any of them. And I can't actually guarantee that I was hitting it in the head, 'cause it's not like I can walk 300 meters down the range to check and then come back, when the range is in use.

                          When you're in the Army, they teach you how to aim, fire, etc. in Basic. You train on iron sights out to 300 meters (and when you qualify or train, later, it's always to 300 meters or simulated 300 meters)...
                          They teach you to aim for center of mass, because that's the surest way to hit the target. But what with body armor getting more and more prevalent, aiming for center of mass seemed like a losing proposition to me, so I shifted my point of aim up a few inches. When firing at a human shaped target, I aim to hit between the collarbones and the eyes. That's about a plate-sized area that I'm putting a bullet into Not really difficult. And, so long as nobody comes up with transparent rifle-proof faceplates that weigh less than 20 pounds, it'll be effective no matter what sort of armor the target wears.

                          But yeah, provided you can see the 300 meter target, it's easy to hit because it's up the longest of any of them.
                          "Joi's CEO is about as sneaky and subtle as a two year old on crack driving an air craft carrier down Broadway." - Broomjockey

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                          • #43
                            as actually happened some time last week, I heard about it today:

                            Submit a resume written on a napkin.

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                            • #44
                              Quoth edible_hat View Post
                              as actually happened some time last week, I heard about it today:

                              Submit a resume written on a napkin.
                              What it was all the paper I had in the house, it's why I need the job, lol

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                              • #45
                                FWIW, the really cool job I just got which I mentioned in Bragging Base, I interviewed for having not showered since the previous morning (and it was a late afternoon interview). Then again, if you want to count the pool and hot tub as taking a bath...
                                "Who loves not women, wine, and song remains a fool his whole life long" ~Martin Luther
                                "Always send a lazy man to the angel of death" ~Martin Luther
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