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Dammit woman, say what you MEAN!!

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  • Dammit woman, say what you MEAN!!

    I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my mother, I really don't. She has a habit of making me promises or offers, and then when I remind her of them later she's all "Oh, I never said that!" or "What I meant was..."

    Like, a couple years ago, she offered to buy me a cheap car if I found a job in a place where I couldn't get by public transit. A few months later I've got a line on something, and when asked her about it she straight up told me she never made that offer, she would never make that offer, but if I worked the job for a few months, and I liked it and it paid well enough that I could afford the insurance etc., she would give me a couple hundred bucks to help pay for it. Which is fine, that's totally her right, but she offered, of her own free will, completely out of the blue, to buy me a car. I wouldn't mind if she said "On second thought, I can't afford it." Or "I changed my mind." But telling me "I never said that," is just...arrgh!

    The most recent thing is that when I was down to visit her in January, she offered to buy plane tickets for my boyfriend and I to visit her sometime this summer, if, and this is a direct quote "His parents will pay for half of his ticket." So, my boyfriend winds up with a full-time summer job at his college, so he say's that even if his parents aren't willing to pay for it, he will. So we pick a week, and my mom is about to put in for time off, and she texts me
    Hey, babe. So if I purchase 2 tickets 4 u <boyfriend> 4 aug 10 will his parents def reimburse me 4 his tckt?
    Hang on, what? So call her, and she tells me when she said "half" she meant half the total cost, for both mine and boyfriend's ticket.

    I...just...arrgh!!! And she needs to put in for time off tomorrow, so we've only got a few hours to figure out if we're going to do this thing.

    I think I'm going to have to start recording my conversations with her.
    The High Priest is an Illusion!

  • #2
    Are you sure you're not talking about my mother?

    She's been famous for doing stuff like that.

    Let's see....when I got engaged she told me don't worry about the wedding, she'd get me anything I wanted.

    Not two weeks later I was kicked out into the street, with her screaming that she's not giving me a dime for my wedding. Hubby and I went downtown, paid $10 and got married and I moved into his apartment.

    When I was pregnant with my first child, she said she was so proud and offered to host the baby shower. Hah. She went out of town and I booked and paid for the rented hall, wrote and mailed out all the invites, and even paid for and picked up all the food! She was still out of town when my daughter was born.

    She even had the nerve to tell me, as a new mother with a baby in the NICU that I wasn't a "real" mom because I had an emergency C-section.

    Of course when I was pregnant with my son I told her don't even bother doing anything.

    And she's still puzzled as to why we don't have a good relationship?
    https://purplefish-quilting.square.site/

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    • #3
      My mom does that every now and then as well.

      I really don't want to offend anyone, but I think it's a sign of underlying mental illness. Of course, I may be biased because the manipulative, willfull causing of arguments type of mental illness is rampant in my mother's family.
      You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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      • #4
        I say start recording.
        Cast in the name of Death, Ye not living.

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        • #5
          Quoth Nonstop_Death View Post
          I say start recording.
          "I know all about you techies! You photoshopped my voice!"

          --- likely response
          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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          • #6
            Quoth dalesys View Post
            "I know all about you techies! You photoshopped my voice!"
            My mom isn't quite that techno-tarded, although "I just bought a new Droid, when you come visit I need you to teach me how to use it!" is an actual quote. (FTR, I've never owned a smart phone, and she knows it.)
            The High Priest is an Illusion!

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            • #7
              Don't most places have a law that says both parties must agree to the recording?
              I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance.

              Oh, and your tool box called...you got out again.

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              • #8
                Quoth Bella_Vixen View Post
                Don't most places have a law that says both parties must agree to the recording?
                Yes but since it's unlikely going to be used in a court of law I think the rules can be relaxed a bit.
                How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

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                • #9
                  Quoth Bella_Vixen View Post
                  Don't most places have a law that says both parties must agree to the recording?
                  Depends on the state. In TN, only one party has to know. Other places, both parties have to know. It's worth looking up, though. Can't tell you how many people I'd wished I recorded conversations with because they pulled crap like this.
                  The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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                  • #10
                    If one's parent is willing to sue them over something like recording a conversation, I think the parent title is no longer deserved. But that is just my opinion.
                    Cast in the name of Death, Ye not living.

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                    • #11
                      My boyfriend can't afford to go on the trip , and I'm not willing to give up a week with him when he doesn't have to work. The thing that's driving me nuts is that if mom had said in the beginning that it was his entire ticket we could have figured this out earlier, and I could have planned my trip for June when bf is working and mom doesn't have any other vacation plans, but now it's too late for her to get the time off.
                      The High Priest is an Illusion!

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                      • #12
                        Another technique is emails or other recordable 'memos' that repeat the conversation. Eg:

                        Mum,

                        This is just to confirm our conversation on <date> when you said you'd pay for half the total cost of boyfriend and me coming to see you on our vacation between <date> and <date>, if we arranged payment of the other half.

                        We've done the research, and your share would be $blah.

                        Please email back a confirmation that you are happy to pay that $blah by <date>, otherwise we won't be able to make it.

                        ArcticChicken.

                        (Note how this covers all the crucial things, like the amount you're relying on her for, the date you'd need it by, and requiring her to actively send a provable reply that she agrees to it.)
                        Seshat's self-help guide:
                        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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