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  • How do I Handle this? (Coworker)

    (Mods, please move to Cursing out if it fits there better)

    I have been working through a temp agency for a few months and the place I'm working at right now, the boss lady wants me to apply and hopefully have an approved application. (City job)

    And I want to get hired because that way I have something much more stable. But this isn't about me. It's about a coworker..I think I'll call her MW (pm me if you want the full name but I think you'll know what it stands for with what I will tell)

    This...woman, she reminds me a lot of an old coworker from Golden Corral who was also my roomie after what I learned today. (I should tell the tale about her one day, it's a doozy). The only diff is... I wanna say she's nicer because she hasn't harassed me OR is living with me.

    What I have learned is she sleeps around with some our male coworkers, Even though she's married. What I also learned is she ALSO...ALSO..has sex DURING her shift. And no one has done anything about it!! Or least not told Boss lady.

    My reaction to this almost made me lose it (I mean I really lost all my respect for this woman). How I found out was she was bragging about how all she wants is dick and then be left alone. After prior experience with roomie, I kept silent.

    Now...because of this, I dunno how I can work with someone who is like that. It boggles me and enrages me beyond belief. When you're married, you honor those vows...

    One part of me, who now wiser and older, wants to ignore it and go about my business since it doesn't threaten my temp job.

    The other part, wants me to find as much evidence and document EVERYTHING and get her ass fired when I have enough of it. With keeping my butt covered and anonomous in the process. Because I dunno how long I will last before I blow a gasket.

    So guys...please help me? I don't know what to do. And I really don't trust any of my coworkers there in fear they'll squeal.

  • #2
    Regarding her behaviour outside work: it's none of your business.

    I know it's against your credo, against what you hold sacred and value. But this is one of the cases where freedoms truly apply. "I disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to say it."

    If her sexual behaviour is consensual among everyone involved (and yes, I consider her husband to be involved in an emotional sense), then it really isn't anyone else's business. If it's not; it'll blow up in her face sooner or later. And you really don't want to be part of the fallout.
    Not to mention the fact that I can't think of any way for you to find out if it's consensual without you asking prying questions.....


    What you CAN do is give her a frosty glare when she talks about sex in front of you; and say "I choose to respect your life choices. Please respect mine: I don't discuss sex at work. Change the topic please. Now."

    Repeat ad nauseum as necessary. Or change the topic yourself. Eventually the frosty glare on its own will be enough.


    Now .. her behaviour IN the workplace....

    .... is unprofessional, to say the least. Also, potentially unhygenic.

    If you want to do it 'subtly', find out where she has sex. Then put on face mask, rubber gloves, rubber boots, and scrub the hell out of the area - sometime when you and Boss Lady are on shift together, and Co-Irker isn't.

    Boss Lady will almost certainly ask you what you're doing and why. And that gives you the opening you'll need to explain what you heard Co-Irker say.

    It also gets the location clean.

    NB: please PM one of our nurses or other biohazard-trained people, and ask them what safety precautions you need to take, if you choose to do it this way.
    Seshat's self-help guide:
    1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
    2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
    3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
    4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

    "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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    • #3
      Addendum:

      How can you stay calm about her life choices?


      If you were a parent, and she were your late teen or young adult child; it would be your job to let go.

      All a parent can do is give his or her children exposure to the parents' morals and ethics; and stand back and allow the child to make their own decisions. Even if they disagree with the parents' ideals.

      This woman isn't even your child. Let go.

      You knew before you met her that people with her morals and ethics existed. Nothing has changed simply because you've now met her.

      When your mind starts to think about it bothering you, focus on something else. Recite the 23rd Psalm in your head. Recite Desiderata. Recite the alphabet backwards, or the Fibionacci sequence, or try to remember a poem you learned in childhood.
      Seshat's self-help guide:
      1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
      2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
      3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
      4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

      "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

      Comment


      • #4
        Well, if she talks about sex so much at work, maybe you can let your boss know that her topics of choice at work make you 'feel very uncomfortable' and you also wonder about the safety ramifications if she is actually having sex there After all, you're just letting them know because you CARE about the company!
        "If anyone wants this old box containing the broken bits of my former faith in humanity, I'll take your best offer now. You may be able to salvage a few of em' for parts..... " - Quote by Argabarga

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        • #5
          A person's lifestyle choices are their own business, and no one else's. You don't approve of her off-work life, so don't socialize with her. But it isn't up to you to define how anyone should behave off-work.

          However, if she's having sex at work (even with her own husband), then she isn't doing her job, and it is her co-workers' business, because someone has to do the work she's supposed to be doing.

          If you happen to know when something is "going on", figure out a way to see that she's needed, and request a manager's help in finding her - with any luck, problem solved when manager finds her "not working".

          In the meantime, if she discusses her sex life, simply tell her you don't consider it an appropriate topic for work, and walk away.

          Madness takes it's toll....
          Please have exact change ready.

          Comment


          • #6
            I agree with Seshat and Merriweather. One other thing to keep in mind, though, is that talk about sex, when it is unwelcome, can be considered sexual harrassment. Your company very likely has a policy about this. If you tell her to stop talking to you about this, and she doesn't, report her to HR.

            Or if you'd rather stay anonymous, see if you can obtain a copy of the company's sexual harrassment policy and leave it on her desk. That might get the point across.
            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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            • #7
              It's her having the sex at work is what motivated me to make this thread.

              A bit of background. I work as a janitor and set up (setting up stages, chairs tables etc) at a convention center along with...a lot of others temps and employees of the building (MW included) It's a huge beautiful building and if you go to the top floor in the tower part you can see the ocean from there.

              Anyway, I rarely hang out with coworkers outside of work because most of them want to go out drinking when I'd rather go see a movie, play a multiplayer video game (like Halo). There's nothing wrong with having a social drink but I don't like the idea of getting drunk to have a good time.

              I'll do my best to ignore it when it comes up. The best thing I can personally think of is leave the area if I can when the topic arises. I rarely work with her directly and I don't recall working with her as a partner. I'm usually partnered with another male when it comes to cleaning the restrooms. (for men's and women's respectively)

              PS: I do have a collection bathroom horror stories and some aftermath clean up horror when an event is over. I should post them up before I forget all of them.

              Thanks guys for listening to my plight.

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              • #8
                What you CAN do is give her a frosty glare when she talks about sex in front of you; and say "I choose to respect your life choices. Please respect mine: I don't discuss sex at work. Change the topic please. Now."
                That also falls under sexual harassment.

                I would personally suggest talking to a supervisor first to see if it can be handled quietly - and without your name being mentioned.

                That way you can possibly avoid repercussions - such as her saying things like "o no. i have to change the subject. SHE doesn't want me to talk about it!" and singling you out and making you look like the bad guy.

                you have a right to have the sex-talk stopped at work. and a right to do it anonymously so that it's not used against you.


                as for the sex-while-at-work part...
                unless you catch her at it, all you have to go on are the rumors or her bragging. slip that into your sex-talk-at-work complaint, that along with constantly talking about sex that she's bragging about how often she gets laid on the clock.

                unless you manage to catch her.


                keep in mind however... i wouldn't suggest turning this into a campaign to get her fired. just leave it at getting her to stfu about her sexual adventures. cos if you try to get her fired for being a slut then it could come back on you... but if you simply say "i don't want to hear this while I'm working" then... you'll possibly have a better chance of having a cleaner workspace.



                *
                although if you *do* chose to go the anon route it's best to not discuss it around her either. i once had someone complain to my supervisor about me (not sexual, just another matter)... i wasn't allowed to know who it was, but i figured it out when i heard two women (Blah 1 & Blah 2 cos I don't remember their names) discussing it on the mess decks & I brought it to my supervisor's attention. "I'm not allowed to know who complained about me? [he nodded] So why can Blah 1 and Blah 2 discuss it on the mess decks?" He paused and slowly said one of the Blah names... almost like a question. and then i knew who'd been bitching about me. In fact later on I heard her comment on the fact that I'd complained about her. (which solidified my suspicion even more)
                Last edited by PepperElf; 05-09-2012, 02:16 PM.

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