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Behold the Philosopher-King of the Bagel Place
Hello everyone, I would like to regale you with a story about my time at a bagel place with a name that sounds very near to the musical group “Pantera”. It was a fun job because of my coworkers (more on THAT later) but one incident stands out to me so much that now, 15 years later, I can still remember the interaction vividly.
So it’s a Sunday and this place closes at 7pm. I have been at work since 5am and it is now 5pm. I am off in 30 minutes. Since we usually slack off in bagel selling after the last church groups filter through around 1pm, and we’re short on closers tonight, I’ve been pulling the bakery display and cleaning the bagel racks.
Enter the Genius. He is a new customer I haven’t seen before, and he is ordering 18 bagels and 2 tubs of cream cheese. He isn’t pleased with the selection, and I let him know that our bagels are baked overnight and by late afternoon it is normal, especially on a Sunday, to have a limited selection. He ignores me and starts to gripe about how the bakery display is displeasing to his eye. He asks me why it is this way and I explain that we’re getting a head start on closing stuff. His response is to gesture theatrically to the clock and open his eyes very wide as he explains to me that we don’t close for 2 more hours!! I nod at this, and go back to cleaning as he complains to his entourage about the bagels, sneaking incredulous glances at me that I have failed to respond to his excellent point of telling me what time we close.
Finally, it’s time to ring him up. The order comes to $10.99 and he gives me $11. I glance up at the till to verify that it says .01 cents for change, signifying that the machine and I are in agreement and I haven’t punched anything in wrong because I’ve been here for 12 hours dealing with people hitting on me, attempting to convert me, complaining about the line, etc, etc, please release me from this hell.
Genius Man refuses to take the penny I offer him, opting instead to stare at me slack-jawed. I stare politely back, waiting for him to take his stupid coin and exit my life forever. Without taking the proferred penny, he says with exaggerated disbelief, “Did you have to LOOK to see how much owed me??”
I am sure that my face is a harassed mask of forced politeness at this point, and I am so done with this transaction that I genuinely don’t process what he said at first. I just keep holding out the penny and he finally takes it and his bagels, pompously delivering a parting blow: “Don’t worry honey, it’s not your fault, it’s the school system.”
I still wish I had thrown one of the bagel display boxes at him.
So it’s a Sunday and this place closes at 7pm. I have been at work since 5am and it is now 5pm. I am off in 30 minutes. Since we usually slack off in bagel selling after the last church groups filter through around 1pm, and we’re short on closers tonight, I’ve been pulling the bakery display and cleaning the bagel racks.
Enter the Genius. He is a new customer I haven’t seen before, and he is ordering 18 bagels and 2 tubs of cream cheese. He isn’t pleased with the selection, and I let him know that our bagels are baked overnight and by late afternoon it is normal, especially on a Sunday, to have a limited selection. He ignores me and starts to gripe about how the bakery display is displeasing to his eye. He asks me why it is this way and I explain that we’re getting a head start on closing stuff. His response is to gesture theatrically to the clock and open his eyes very wide as he explains to me that we don’t close for 2 more hours!! I nod at this, and go back to cleaning as he complains to his entourage about the bagels, sneaking incredulous glances at me that I have failed to respond to his excellent point of telling me what time we close.
Finally, it’s time to ring him up. The order comes to $10.99 and he gives me $11. I glance up at the till to verify that it says .01 cents for change, signifying that the machine and I are in agreement and I haven’t punched anything in wrong because I’ve been here for 12 hours dealing with people hitting on me, attempting to convert me, complaining about the line, etc, etc, please release me from this hell.
Genius Man refuses to take the penny I offer him, opting instead to stare at me slack-jawed. I stare politely back, waiting for him to take his stupid coin and exit my life forever. Without taking the proferred penny, he says with exaggerated disbelief, “Did you have to LOOK to see how much owed me??”
I am sure that my face is a harassed mask of forced politeness at this point, and I am so done with this transaction that I genuinely don’t process what he said at first. I just keep holding out the penny and he finally takes it and his bagels, pompously delivering a parting blow: “Don’t worry honey, it’s not your fault, it’s the school system.”
I still wish I had thrown one of the bagel display boxes at him.
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