A canonical list of SCs

[Hon'ya-chan]

Credit goes to Answerman for this: Go down to the Flake of the Week.

Manga Cow = someone who sits in the comics aisle of a big-box bookstore, like Borders or Barnes & Noble, and reads manga all day, grazing like a cow in a pasture. You likely see these people every time you go to one of those stores.

[Dreamstalker]

Don't they also tend to somehow, in violation of a few laws of physics, take up every inch of the aisle at the same time? Or is that only if there's a pack of more than one?

[ArcticChicken]

The wander and dropper-The person who wanders around a store, picks up something and carries it for awhile, decides they don't want it and leaves it wherever. Bonus points if it's perishable

Extra bonus points if they leave is stuck in the magazine rack at the end of your counter.

[GayleShy]

Extra bonus points if they leave is stuck in the magazine rack at the end of your counter.

Extra extra points if it's parishable and they stick it in the magazine rack and you find it at the end of your shift all warm and, in the case of ice cream, sticky.

[jparenti]

The Grunter Their language skills never made it past that of the Stone Age. They know what they want, and they don't want to have to speak to get it. They point and grunt, or sometimes they just drop money on the counter and stare at you blankly while you vainly try to read their minds.
The Gasoline Pump Retard There's always about 40 per day at the gas station where I work. The interaction begins with an accusation: "Why aren't you turning the pump on?" You patiently explain, "You have to read the instructions on the pump sir. First you have to..." By now, they've either left and slammed the door, left swearing loundly, or claimed that you are inplying they are mentally impaired. Which, of course, you are.
The Lottery Guru They have special numbers, secret numbers, from which untold millions will pour forth. But first they have to stand in your line and block 20 other people from going about their business by buying $75 worth of lottery tickets by reading aloud the numbers one at a time, as fast as possible so they will have to repeat themselves and take even longer. A subset of this group are the Scratch Off Addicts, who will stand and scratch instant tickets at the front of the line, occasionally pointing and throwing money in your direction for more tickets, even while other customers are being helped.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Oooh! Oooh! I got one!

Don't know what to call him, though.

This is the guy who will go up to a counter to get helped only because there's a very pretty girl working. He will take up her time, asking her stupid questions, staring at her. When she turns to grab something for him or look at something, his eyes will instantly travel to her chest, and then back up again when she turns back. Meanwhile people are backing up behind him, actually wanting to spend some money. He is completely oblivious to this, and will continue to stare and drool and ask stupid questions until she gets impatient and tells him she needs to assist the people behind him.


I used to get boys like this as a teenager. Gawd I hated them!

[GolfCart34]

I had to go digging in my livejournal archives for this one! This list is unique to my tourist trap days about a year ago.

The Townies (aka the Not So Good Neighbors): These are the people who live in the town where the museum is located. And boy do these people think they own the place. First, they get to buy discounted tickets for friends and family. So they usually strut their snobby rear ends up to my register, wave their resident badge in front of my face, then demand their discount. And when I say snobby, I mean snobby. They usually live in one of the rich gated communities, drive an expensive car, and never ever buy annual passes, despite the fact that their family will most likely be back to visit at the holidays (and it's cheaper to buy the annual passes anyway). A few of them are cool, but most of them are snobby jerks.

The Wanna Be Townies: These are the people who own a timeshare or once had a resident pass and now moved out of town (hence they're no longer eligible for a resident pass) and think that entitles them to the resident pass. Um, no. On one occasion I had these people who had prepaid annual passes and also wanted to buy resident passes. So I asked for ID to verify that they lived in town. Turns out they lived about an hour away and were trying to scam the system. Then last week I had these people who owned a timeshare and only had their vehicle registered here. Vehicle registrations are not accepted as anybody can have their car registered here (i.e. some military will buy new cars here and have their car registered here, despite still living out of state). Policy is that we only accept a drivers license or two utility bills. Apparently this wasn't good enough for them since somebody sold them a resident pass last year. But neither myself nor my coworker would sell them a pass. And my supervisor would've been proud. She follows that policy to the letter.

The Typical Tourist: These are the people who do not do their research before visiting the area. These people are usually only in town to visit the amusement park (which is a total ripoff and really crappy anyway) and need something to do for a couple of hours. Now, typically, it takes two to three days to visit, as the museum is that big (it's part of and still is an actual town). These people all buy one day passes, will not even consider buying an extra day or two, don't add on any of the highlight sights (two day passes and above include all the sights), then complain when they don't get to see everything. Well see, I told them before they went in but they just wouldn't listen. And higher customer satisfaction comes from people who visit for more than one day.

The Locals: These are people who live just outside of town (I'm talking within 20 or 30 minutes of town) and they insist that they will not be back within the next year, therefore say no to annual passes. Now, the way that our ticket structure works, if you plan to come for a week, or even for one day six months from now the pass will actually work out to be cheaper than two one day passes. And $10 says they'll be back during Christmas and have to pay the one day admission again.

The People Who Don't Get What "Sold Out" Means: Now, we have performances that take place at our museum. These performances are extra money and you have to book them in advance. I love it when people come up on the day of a performance, want a popular program that has been sold out for two weeks, then get pissed when the program is sold out. Yes, like complaining about the program being sold out is going to make me magically pull more tickets out of my BUTT!

The Freeloaders: These are the people who come on vacation, spend a week, buy the most expensive pass (the one that gives you free even performances, with reservations of course), then try to fit two back to back programs in on every night they're here. Now, the policy is that if there is a 30 minute or 1 hour gap between the shows then you can go to both. But if one starts immediately after the other we won't reserve the tickets. It's totally rude to the performers who work their rear ends off, not to mention it's physically impossible.

The Cheap Asses: These are the people who come in, march right up to my counter, and before I can even say one word ask, "What can I do for free?" I don't know about anybody else, but when I go on vacation I expect to pay for attractions. Especially since I save my money, don't go on vacation that often, and when I do I tend to splurge. If you can't afford to go on vacation the then you shouldn't go on vacation. Simple enough, right?

The Tour Bus People: These are the people who make the locals' life a living hell. These people are similar to the cheap asses, the only difference being they were to lazy, cheap, or both to drive themselves here. Now, I don't have problems with senior citizens or people from out of the country who use tour services to visit as they usually don't have any other way to get there. What I'm talking about are the people who don't really need to use these services yet use them anyway. Tour bus people also tend to clog up our eating and shopping establishments, thus making it nearly impossible for locals to enjoy themselves without having to travel far.

The Timeshare People: Some of these people are the dumbest of the dumb. They go to the timeshare presentations, sit locked in a room for 2+ hours, usually buy into the property even though they don't know entirely what they are getting themselves into, then visit us with the free tickets they get. These people are so clueless. I mean, we'll get a few who know how to abuse the timeshare systems by just going for the free vacations and free tickets, then firmly saying no to buying in. I like those people. They're usually super nice too. But the clueless ones. Why do people go on vacation when they don't know what they're probably getting into? And you have to tell these people everything multiple times because they just don't listen. A coworker of mine has a way of dealing with the dumb type of timeshare people. She tells them once, then tells them to read their map because she will not tell them again. And some timeshares who sell discount tickets for current timeshare owners actually jack up the pass price to more than what you would've paid over the counter. I know for a fact that one, I won't mention the name, charges $50 at the timeshare for a $48 pass over the counter. When the people who had those passes found out they were madder than mad. I think they were even going to sell their timeshare because of it. They were very thankful once I pointed out the actual price too and were going to go complain to the appropriate person once they were done enjoying themselves. People like that are also cool.

Dumb Teachers: This one is short and simple. These are the people who are supposedly are teachers, demand their discount, but can't provide ID to prove that they are in fact a teacher. Sorry, no ID = no discount. I mean, seriously, do you expect me to take your word for it? No. I don't. Anybody can say they're a teacher. And as it is I already have enough problems with the home school parents (since some do and some don't have ID, depending on what state they're from).

[tangrid]

Drive-thru SC's

Love the thread, by the way. As someone who's worked both the CSR and MoD positions in foodservice, I feel like I've dealt with most of the listed people (those applicable to food, anyway). Here're a couple that were missed.

Honky- Either doesn't pull forward far enough to activate your drive-thru sensor (not as bad) or doesn't have the patience to wait 3 seconds for you to greet him (want to kill), and thus honks his horn to get your attention. (often wonders why you can't hear his mumbled order in your now-deafened state) {I was actually about 10 seconds away from beating one of these guys with the sawed-off mop handle we use for locking the drive-thru window, at the end of one particularly grueling night. Not sure if I'm grateful or resentful for the intervention of the MoD}

"When I'm ready" or "Windows up" Honky- Similar to the above, but will pull up with their windows rolled up, and stay that way until they've decided what they want, then will roll windows down, and honk at you if you take more than 10 seconds to respond to it. (even the ones that don't honk still suck, of course)

Big engine, small... you know...- Usually a redneck or overcompensating jock who either has the most obnoxious diesel engine in the world or a (completely useless) glass-pack muffler, but will not turn off his engine to order, instead screaming at you that he can't hear you over it. Will often over-accelerate, so as to deafen you further, when pulling forward.

Power Trip- Will always find something (99.9% of the time, it's imaginary) wrong with his order. "There's too much lettuce," "There's too much mayonnaise," "There's not enough mayonnaise," (it should be noted that we use a mayo scoop to make sure there's exactly the same amount every time) "This bread's too hard," etc. I had one of these who would come in every day, and was never satisfied with the first sandwich. On the last quote, I asked the guy who'd gotten the other half of the loaf (he was right in front of this SC in line) how his bread/sandwich were. He said they were great, and I got to tell the SC that he was no longer welcome (sometimes, management is actually cool). My coworkers cheered me after he left.

This one's not actually a customer, but is twice as sucky for it:
The Prank Caller- Either sends $50 worth of food to his buddy's/rival's house, or just gives you an address that doesn't exist. Some even have the audacity to call back and heckle you about taking so long.

Can't wait 15 minutes- Calls and orders a delivery, then shows up 5 minutes later, saying "I didn't want to wait," and gets mad because their sandwich is en-route. Are you seriously upset with me because we're too fast?

[Lady Heather]

The Looker: Can be male or female. They come in say they don't need help, then wander around clearly looking for something.
Unable to find it on there own they start to leave. When offered help again they complain that you do not have Item X and proceed to whine.
At wich point you and walk them right to Item X wich you have in 3 diffrent colors.
Bonus point for each time they walked past Item X.

[worddork]

The argument for more homework in the public schools: the kids (generally middle-school aged) who hang out at the store and do nothing but cause trouble.

As a teacher I know that kids have plenty of homework the trouble is that kids that age just don't care if they get marked down for not doing it.

Mr/Mrs. Doyouworkhere? : bonus points if you're carrying boxes of product when they ask. Double bouns points if you're behind the cash register when they ask (yes both really happened to me, many, many times. Sometimes while helping other customers)

[FuzzyKitten99]

The Eaters - Kin of the Grazers, these are the customers at the grocery who can't wait until they've paid for a product to open it and start eating it. Will often wander the store eating out of a box or potato chip bag and wind up paying for just the wrapper.

omg, my MIL does this!
I think she's nuts for doing it, but whatever. I guess as long as she's paying for it...
But she's also done this with a package of baby socks that she wanted to put on my son to fit a pair of shoes on him. She was gonna buy the socks anyway, but she opened them, put a pair on his feet, and then proceeded to try shoes on him. I wasn't about to stop her (again, she did pay for them), but I was sure embarassed! I figured if the store management had an issue, they would say something.

[marty]

Don't know if any of these have been done before, my attention span is a little iffy so 21 pages of posts is hard for me to concentrate on.

Mr. I Can Clearly See Everything But Your Signs: This guy will either stare at the big signs above your head that show all of the promotions or specials and still ask you what they are or if you have them. This guy will also stare at your store hours for at least two minutes then ask you what time you close.

Angry After Hours Douche: This thing usually strolls up to the door when your lights are dimmed and the gates are pulled, stares at you through the area at the bottom of the glass door, bangs on it and screams, "I just want one thing!" ten minutes after the store closed. It gets mad when you tell you you're closed and will not in fact reopen for him.

Stupid Parents with Lazy Children: A particular problem at stores such as mine that sell things kids are attracted to (video game stores, toy stores, etc), these parents come in without their kids and give you the most vague title of an item to look for, usually one or two words that could apply to about half the product there. When you ask them to be more specific, they call their children (who could have just came with them) and have long-winded, loud arguments ove the phone about what exactly the little brat wanted.

[ZeoViolet]

The only one I can think of at the moment (and I did not have time to read all 21 pages, sorry!) is:

The Candy Nipper. You know those displays of candy where you pull out a bag and scoop however much you want into said bag, because the candy is sold by the pound? I was not too familiar with this until recently when I began working in a Supermarket, but you'd be amazed at how often a person will reach into the cases, extract candy, and munch for free or give it to a loud kid to shut them up.

Some supermarkets around here have a "deposit quarter" tin that if you plunk in change (and nobody monitors this so how can one tell for sure) it is okay to help yourself to a few pieces of candy. Pointless to me. It relies too much on good faith, which too many people lack.

PS my store is very nonconfrontational, and those candy racks are in full view of the Customer Service counter....yet I've never heard a peep from the lady running it, because "the customer is always right" and you must not discomfit a customer, especially over a piece of candy.

[Diablo]

Marina Sucky Customers

I worked at a marina over the summer and had quite a few crappy customers...

The Bass Masters: These are the fools that spend a fortune on their boats and expect to catch fish. If they don't, its got to be the guy re-roofing the shop fault. They also are the ones that don't want advice on anything. So when I see them backing their boat trailer into the pier, I'm not supposed to say anything.

The "Still Open?"s: Love the people that show up at 5:05 on a sunday and ask if the shop is still open. "Yeah, thats why I just locked the doors and all the lights are off."

The Dumbass: Our pumps read per gallon but they are priced per half gallon. So if you look at the pump, it looks like we are charging $2.00/gal. Except, there are signs everywhere explaining its actually $4.00/gal. Furthermore, the nearest gas station on the road charges around $3.50. I should also mention we are the only marina on the lake. Plus since we are so small, we have to charge more per gallon to make any money. So I guess it makes perfect sense to these morons that my boss is selling marina gas for less than it cost to ship. And don't tell me we should fix the pumps. Don't you think we would if the state would let us?

The Super Cheapskate: These are the people that bitch about paying the $10 launch fee. Seriously, if you got a 30ft boat, you can't afford $10? Or if they have a slip, they pull their boats once a week out to get gas and proudly tell me they "ain't buying the expensive gas". First, any savings you make, you just spent in gassing your truck to haul your boat. Secondly, can't wait when your paying me and my boss to rebuild your engine because you used shitty gas in your boat. There is a reason we put in additives to our gas.

The "I know 'boss's name'"- I catch people doing the most retarded and sometime illegal things and their answer is "It's okay, I know ----". So if you knew him, you know how freaking pissed he be right now. I literally caught a guy pouring an oil pan filled with car oil into the lake from our launch. Yeah, the boss loves his dogs, ducks, and kids playing in a @#)ing oil slick you jackass!

[piratemonkey]

Absolutely love this thread. I'm reading them out to my other half (who works in retail with me) and we're both laughing our arses off at some of them.

I'd like to add:

The Bleeding Heart - The customer who has apparently travelled 500 miles to get to your store, only to find that you don't have an item in stock/don't have yesterday's free Daily Mail DVD and proceeds to pile guilt upon you for it.

The Selective Reader - The person who sees a big fat '3 for 2' sign but fails to read the 'on all [insert author's name]' addendum and therefore assumes ALL books are part of the deal. When you point this out, they claim the sign is misleading and try to get the deal anyway. A good variation of this is the customer who reads 'up to half price' and demands to know why all the books aren't exactly half price.