Shopping Shenanigans - Friday the 13th Edition!! Oh dear gods, WHY!?!?! (LLOOOOOONG!

[zombiequeen]

Nevermind the fact that Jesus himself drank wine, turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana, and told parables about the vine and its fruit.

Plus in the Bible, it mentions that a little wine every day is good for the stomach (I believe this is backed up by science?)

Marinara sauce for the win(e)!

[trailerparkmedic]

Found a pair of pants at Old Navy that I was seriously considering buying....until I held them up and realized they'd be and inch or two too short.

Old Navy (and Gap and Banana Republic) have talls available online, sometimes in multiple inseam lengths.

I don't have an issue with pants, but my little sister does. She is 6 ft tall and is so weirdly proportioned that she sometimes wears petite shirts. She has a few very specific brands and styles of pants that she wears.

[telecom_goddess]

I hate clothes shopping in person....and I have a fat body that's hard to find things that fit comfortably. HOWEVER I have found the perfect brand and perfect size for me....based on one pair of pants I had forever that fit so comfortably. They were wearing out and I needed replacements so I got the same brand/size/type online and they fit great. Saved me a trip and hassle

[fma_fanatic]

Shame on you. Wine isn't good for anybody. Have you found Jesus in your life?

Yeah, but his childhood friend Biff is more entertaining.

[blas]

I'm shorter with an hourglass figure and jean shopping is nightmare now because of those God forsaken SKINNY JEANS. They just do not work on any woman who is short and curvy. Tall and curvy, sexy. Short and slim, sexy. They make me look like a fat peg-legged pirate. And those awful "boyfriend" jeans. I do NOT want my butt to look so saggy it looks like I shit myself, and loose fitting jeans on a short curvy girl is a bad look.

Tighter jeans with a decent, modest flair on the end are damn near impossible to find anymore. If they are still around, they are either too bell bottomed at the bottom, or they are sized so that one size is too small, the next is too big, or they have no variety in inseam length, so I'm either Urkel or I'd have to wear big heels to keep them from dragging on the floor.

And every single pair of jeans these days are so damn stretchy. You buy a pair that fits perfect, but a few hours later, they are two sizes bigger. You buy a pair that's too small, you suffer for a few hours of wearing pants that don't fit and give you a muffin top, but when they stretch, then they fit right.

The only jeans that fit my standards are my AE jeans I have had since high school and my later teens, two of which have already shit the bit (but hey, that long of jeans lasting is almost unheard of!) and their Artist jeans seem to flatter me, EXCEPT they are so stretchy, within hours they are too loose.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And people wonder why I refuse to part with my "bell bottoms," which are about ten years old, have rips across the knees (natural, mind you) and are so baggy through the legs they make my feet disappear.

They're horrifically out of fashion, but they fit just right around my waist and I can move in them, dammit. Skinny jeans just will not work on me, and even regular straight-leg jeans are often too tight around my legs.

Plus they're part of my ready-made halloween costume. Just add a tye-dye T-shirt, hemp jewelry, and Birkenstocks, and voila! I'm a dirty hippy.

[blas]

Skinny jeans look horrific on any guy. Unless you've had your penis removed or you're hung like a gerbil, how on earth is that comfortable to have a winded up fruit basket in your pants?!

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Lupo, your tales of shopping mayhem are always great. Sorry you had a rough day, but at least you can laugh about it later, right?

Oh, and for the little old lady on the bus: Right when you got up to leave the bus, you should have given her one of these...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Skinny jeans look horrific on any guy. Unless you've had your penis removed or you're hung like a gerbil, how on earth is that comfortable to have a winded up fruit basket in your pants?!

The only people who can make skinny jeans look good have no penis (i.e. are female). I've yet to see a guy who didn't look ridiculous in them.

[Pagan]

Old Navy (and Gap and Banana Republic) have talls available online, sometimes in multiple inseam lengths.

I don't have an issue with pants, but my little sister does. She is 6 ft tall and is so weirdly proportioned that she sometimes wears petite shirts. She has a few very specific brands and styles of pants that she wears.

I completely forgot about looking online at Old Navy! Now I've got to back over there and see what the hell style those pants were.

What gets me is that people automatically want to direct me to the petite section because I'm 5'4". Yeah, I know that's one the upper limit of petite sizing, but there's no way in hell that I'm a petite! The tops cut me horribly in the armpit area. And the pants? Oy. I've got a 32" inseam.

Yeah, but his childhood friend Biff is more entertaining.

I'm reading that (among 3 other books) now! Hilarious so far.

I'm shorter with an hourglass figure and jean shopping is nightmare now because of those God forsaken SKINNY JEANS. They just do not work on any woman who is short and curvy. Tall and curvy, sexy. Short and slim, sexy. They make me look like a fat peg-legged pirate. And those awful "boyfriend" jeans. I do NOT want my butt to look so saggy it looks like I shit myself, and loose fitting jeans on a short curvy girl is a bad look.

There's a reason I wear only Levi's. Levi's 505 straight leg in the medium length, to be specific. 1% spandex so that they're just stretchy enough. Those things fit like they were made for me personally.

[InsanityInc]

I am so happy I have somehow found enough jeans to last me for a while. I hate the current styles. My ankles don't swell that much. And I don't feel like looking like a toddler with a full diaper. I'm a tall fat chick and finding something in my size is fun enough, but then you add in that I have long legs. I have to buy tall jeans. An average length jeans will fit me until I wash it the first time. And then ALL of the local stores around me with one exception don't carry the talls anymore. Unless you are a size 0 to 4. Goodwill however.....

[Teskeria]

Her: You shouldn’t be buying wine.
Me: o.0 <looks at my list> Huh? <I had written red wine with a question mark by it. I had been planning on making a fresh batch of marinara sauce and was out of wine to cook with.> I don’t really thing that’s any of your business.
Her: Drinking isn’t a good idea for anyone.
Me: <stares>
Her: Sweetheart, do you have Jesus in your life?
Me: >.<
Her: Here, I have some literature you might find interesting <She starts rummaging through her bag>
Me: No thank you, I’m not interested. <I put my earphones back in and turn the volume up>

See, here the response should have been the obvious. "Are you saying JESUS was in the WRONG!! JESUS turned the water into wine!! If Wine is good enough for JESUS to drink, it should be good enough for you!!!"

Think of the fun watching her sputter and turn red.


(Edit: should have read page 2 before posting)

[Misanthropical]

She can pour out my wine when she pries it from my dead cold hands! I mean.. yeah what a freak!

[lupo pazzesco]

You meant "brain", right?

...yes, that's EXACTLY what I meant.

Margaritas, heavy on the tequila, on the way. Or would you prefer a nice single malt? I'll leave the bottle....

Mmm...margaritas. I haven't had one in forever, but then I haven't been to the place I usually go for them, were it's 9/10 tequila, and 1/10 other stuff. That's a happy place.

Lupo, your tales of shopping mayhem are always great. Sorry you had a rough day, but at least you can laugh about it later, right?

After copious amounts of baked goods and alcohol, yes. Then I can laugh.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Bacon margaritas?

BACOOOOOON!

*Crash-lands at Pagan's feet*

....oh, nuts. You're gonna put me in something pink and sparkly, aren't you?