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Now normally, I'm smart and I keep to myself on a Friday the 13th. Normally they've been lucky for me, but I know it brings out a little more crazy out of the SC's than normal (or a lot?) so I tend to avoid them. Alas today I had no choice.
First off - they were out to get me from the moment I left my driveway. I saw no less than FIVE people blow stop signs. Usually I see 1 or two, but FIVE? Good thing I drive defensively, that coupled with the moron in the Gas-Powered Penis Replacement who was trying to show off by whipping through the mall parking lot at 80mph, it should have clued me in that I would have been better off turning around and going home. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
MIine!!!!! All mine!!!
First stop is the bakery to get some fresh baked bread. I was lucky that they were just putting out the fresh loaves, and was about to reach for a loaf when SC comes up, bats my hand out of the way and as quick as she can, starts shoving every single loaf she can reach into her cart. Whatever. The bakery worker was on the other side of her, filling the shelf, so I walk past SC to and ask for one of the fresh loaves from her cart. SC starts shrieking "THOSE ARE MINE!!!! I NEED THEM ALL!!" Seriously lady - you need 30 loaves of bread? Bakery worker hands me a loaf, and I slink away, with SC still screaming in the background about how she needs *every single one.*
Gravity's a bitch
Heading down the between aisles, I notice a 8 or 9 year old boy pick up one of the humungous glass jars full of pickled sausages (the kind you see at bars) from and end-cap. These are HEAVY jars, and he's struggling to bring it down the aisle to where his mother is waiting. Does she run to help him? Nay - she yells at him to hurry up. Everyone can see where this is going, and yes indeed, he drops it. Glass, vinegar and sausages everywhere. I was initially worried that he might have been cut by some of the glass that was flying everywhere, but his mother walks down the aisle cussing at him, then grabs a new jar and grabs his hand and drags him down to the cart, screaming at him about ruining his sneakers, and walks away, leaving the broken jar in the middle of the aisle.
I quickly found an associate and notified them about the mess.
My eyes need bleach
Seriously people - I KNOW its hot out there, but do you ever look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yes you Mister beer belly hanging over your pants, wearing a tshirt 3 sizes too small. Yes you lady, wearing the shorts that are so short and so tight they are trying to cleave you in two. And teen girls - I know its "fashonable" to wear snug tank tops and skirts right now, but when you are a size 24, skin-tight *anything* looks awful (I know, I'm plus size myself and wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything snug) not to mention you're wearing these tank tops without a bra. There ought to be a law....
Don't bother even looking
I finally work my way through the mayhem, and am taking my groceries to my car. While waiting at the crosswalk, a woman pushing a cart with a newborn baby in a carrier walks right in front of a truck. Thank god the driver had quick reflexes. I swear this woman never once looked left or right, she just walked out of the store and straight across the crosswalk. Now I KNOW pedestrians have the right of way. I also know there are crazy drivers out there who don't pay attention. Lady when you have a cargo THAT precious in your cart, PLEASE take those extra 30 seconds to make sure there are no oncoming vehicles.
Friday the 13th surrealism
This doesn't really have anything to do with SC's or whatnot, but being that its the 13th I felt it fitting to add. A bit of background - I got married back in '98. Long story short - he was mentally and emotionally abusive, a cheater, and an overall asshole, and I was so cowed by him that it took a long time to get the courage to leave. Basically he reduced me to a shadow of the person I was. It took years to "find myself" again. I was organizing some paperwork this morning and came across some tax returns of ours. I had left him in 2002, and had not been in contact with him since. We hadn't divorced because he wasn't cooperating, it wasn't an issue (I was rid of him, that was good enough) and I couldn't afford it. On a whim I decided to google up his name, and discovered he'd passed away last month. So I'm now officially a widow. I feel *nothing* - no emotion whatsoever. Well not so- I feel bad for his kids (previous marriage) but otherwise,
I hope this doesn't make me a bad person.
Of course upon telling my parents, my Dad immediately turned his computer on and went to YouTube and started playing The Merry Widow
First off - they were out to get me from the moment I left my driveway. I saw no less than FIVE people blow stop signs. Usually I see 1 or two, but FIVE? Good thing I drive defensively, that coupled with the moron in the Gas-Powered Penis Replacement who was trying to show off by whipping through the mall parking lot at 80mph, it should have clued me in that I would have been better off turning around and going home. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
MIine!!!!! All mine!!!
First stop is the bakery to get some fresh baked bread. I was lucky that they were just putting out the fresh loaves, and was about to reach for a loaf when SC comes up, bats my hand out of the way and as quick as she can, starts shoving every single loaf she can reach into her cart. Whatever. The bakery worker was on the other side of her, filling the shelf, so I walk past SC to and ask for one of the fresh loaves from her cart. SC starts shrieking "THOSE ARE MINE!!!! I NEED THEM ALL!!" Seriously lady - you need 30 loaves of bread? Bakery worker hands me a loaf, and I slink away, with SC still screaming in the background about how she needs *every single one.*
Gravity's a bitch
Heading down the between aisles, I notice a 8 or 9 year old boy pick up one of the humungous glass jars full of pickled sausages (the kind you see at bars) from and end-cap. These are HEAVY jars, and he's struggling to bring it down the aisle to where his mother is waiting. Does she run to help him? Nay - she yells at him to hurry up. Everyone can see where this is going, and yes indeed, he drops it. Glass, vinegar and sausages everywhere. I was initially worried that he might have been cut by some of the glass that was flying everywhere, but his mother walks down the aisle cussing at him, then grabs a new jar and grabs his hand and drags him down to the cart, screaming at him about ruining his sneakers, and walks away, leaving the broken jar in the middle of the aisle.
I quickly found an associate and notified them about the mess.My eyes need bleach
Seriously people - I KNOW its hot out there, but do you ever look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yes you Mister beer belly hanging over your pants, wearing a tshirt 3 sizes too small. Yes you lady, wearing the shorts that are so short and so tight they are trying to cleave you in two. And teen girls - I know its "fashonable" to wear snug tank tops and skirts right now, but when you are a size 24, skin-tight *anything* looks awful (I know, I'm plus size myself and wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything snug) not to mention you're wearing these tank tops without a bra. There ought to be a law....
Don't bother even looking
I finally work my way through the mayhem, and am taking my groceries to my car. While waiting at the crosswalk, a woman pushing a cart with a newborn baby in a carrier walks right in front of a truck. Thank god the driver had quick reflexes. I swear this woman never once looked left or right, she just walked out of the store and straight across the crosswalk. Now I KNOW pedestrians have the right of way. I also know there are crazy drivers out there who don't pay attention. Lady when you have a cargo THAT precious in your cart, PLEASE take those extra 30 seconds to make sure there are no oncoming vehicles.
Friday the 13th surrealism
This doesn't really have anything to do with SC's or whatnot, but being that its the 13th I felt it fitting to add. A bit of background - I got married back in '98. Long story short - he was mentally and emotionally abusive, a cheater, and an overall asshole, and I was so cowed by him that it took a long time to get the courage to leave. Basically he reduced me to a shadow of the person I was. It took years to "find myself" again. I was organizing some paperwork this morning and came across some tax returns of ours. I had left him in 2002, and had not been in contact with him since. We hadn't divorced because he wasn't cooperating, it wasn't an issue (I was rid of him, that was good enough) and I couldn't afford it. On a whim I decided to google up his name, and discovered he'd passed away last month. So I'm now officially a widow. I feel *nothing* - no emotion whatsoever. Well not so- I feel bad for his kids (previous marriage) but otherwise,
I hope this doesn't make me a bad person. Of course upon telling my parents, my Dad immediately turned his computer on and went to YouTube and started playing The Merry Widow
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