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jokes about heaven
After years of working in the same factory, wee Joe and his pal, Sam Wan are being made redundant.
Deciding to make the best of things, and seeing they were good friends, they decide to go into buisiness together.
They find their location, and open a fish and chip shop.Sam takes on the cooking part and wee Joe gets up early to buy fresh fish
from the market every morning.
Everything works well for a few months, until one day, tragedy strikes! Wee Joe is run over and killed.
He finds himself in heaven, which is nice, but Joe is not completly happy, and seems more upset as time goes on. Eventually, St Peter sends for Joe.
"This is Heaven, my friend, why are you not happy?"
Joe replies "Oh it is nice here and everything, but I worry about my friend Sam, we had just started our buisiness when I died, I wonder how he is coping without me"
Saint Peter thinks for a moment, then, "If you go to the stores, and take a magic harp, you'll
be transported to Earth, no-one will see you, but you can see that your friend is fine. You'll only have a few hours, but that should be enough to put your mind at ease"
Joe thanks St Peter and runs to the store, collects a harp and sure enough finds himself on a familiar street. He looks up and down, but no sign of his chippy.
He wanders to where his shop was and it is now a night club. He goes in to find Sam Wan is the owner, and the place seems to be doing well. Lots of people are
dancing and having fun, Sam is socialising with the crowd, and there is a party atmosphere. Joe wanders about for a while untill his time is up, and he finds himself
back in Heaven with St Peter beside him.
"Everything okay" asks Peter
"Oh yes! Sam has done really well for himself, but I have a confession to make"
"oh?"
And Wee Joe says
"I left my harp in Sam Wan's disco"
************************************************** ***************
There was an old man wandering about Heaven, really upset. Jesus went over to see if he could help ,
"whats wrong" he asks "this is Heaven, we want people to be happy here"
The old man sobs a little, the manages to say, "I have lost my son"
Jeaus looks around, there are a lot of people in Heaven, so to make things easier he asks," Is there anything unusual about your boy?"
"Well, he has holes in his hands"
*jesus looks at his hands*
"um, anything else a little different?"
"Well, he also has holes in his feet" the old man says
*jesus looks at his own feet* and yells "DADDY!" hugging the old man
who hugs back yelling "Pinocchio!"
************************************************** ***************
God summons all his angels to help him decide where he can go on holiday.
One suggests "Pluto"
"Oh no," says God,"its too cold there"
"Well how about Mars" suggests another
"oh no, its too dusty there" says God
"Well you could go to Earth" tries yet another
"I can't go back to Earth" God tells them " I went there over two thousand years ago, got some bird pregnant, and they are STILL going on about it!"
Deciding to make the best of things, and seeing they were good friends, they decide to go into buisiness together.
They find their location, and open a fish and chip shop.Sam takes on the cooking part and wee Joe gets up early to buy fresh fish
from the market every morning.
Everything works well for a few months, until one day, tragedy strikes! Wee Joe is run over and killed.
He finds himself in heaven, which is nice, but Joe is not completly happy, and seems more upset as time goes on. Eventually, St Peter sends for Joe.
"This is Heaven, my friend, why are you not happy?"
Joe replies "Oh it is nice here and everything, but I worry about my friend Sam, we had just started our buisiness when I died, I wonder how he is coping without me"
Saint Peter thinks for a moment, then, "If you go to the stores, and take a magic harp, you'll
be transported to Earth, no-one will see you, but you can see that your friend is fine. You'll only have a few hours, but that should be enough to put your mind at ease"
Joe thanks St Peter and runs to the store, collects a harp and sure enough finds himself on a familiar street. He looks up and down, but no sign of his chippy.
He wanders to where his shop was and it is now a night club. He goes in to find Sam Wan is the owner, and the place seems to be doing well. Lots of people are
dancing and having fun, Sam is socialising with the crowd, and there is a party atmosphere. Joe wanders about for a while untill his time is up, and he finds himself
back in Heaven with St Peter beside him.
"Everything okay" asks Peter
"Oh yes! Sam has done really well for himself, but I have a confession to make"
"oh?"
And Wee Joe says
"I left my harp in Sam Wan's disco"
************************************************** ***************
There was an old man wandering about Heaven, really upset. Jesus went over to see if he could help ,
"whats wrong" he asks "this is Heaven, we want people to be happy here"
The old man sobs a little, the manages to say, "I have lost my son"
Jeaus looks around, there are a lot of people in Heaven, so to make things easier he asks," Is there anything unusual about your boy?"
"Well, he has holes in his hands"
*jesus looks at his hands*
"um, anything else a little different?"
"Well, he also has holes in his feet" the old man says
*jesus looks at his own feet* and yells "DADDY!" hugging the old man
who hugs back yelling "Pinocchio!"
************************************************** ***************
God summons all his angels to help him decide where he can go on holiday.
One suggests "Pluto"
"Oh no," says God,"its too cold there"
"Well how about Mars" suggests another
"oh no, its too dusty there" says God
"Well you could go to Earth" tries yet another
"I can't go back to Earth" God tells them " I went there over two thousand years ago, got some bird pregnant, and they are STILL going on about it!"
