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I would like to issue a grievance to the customers of the CoffeeBean.
As written by a disgruntled Barista.
In concerns to my humanity
I would like to announce that I am in fact, a human being, with human feelings, I breath, pee, pick my nose, and when you are screaming at me for things I have no control over, it does in fact BOTHER me.
In concerns to that which is out of my control
Real situation
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yes, I would like a chi ice blend-
Me: I’m sorry we don’t have that drink anymore.
Customer: What?
Me: We don’t-
Customer: Why!?
Me: O.o… It’s promotional we only-
Customer: I liked it!
Me: A lot of people did…
Customer: Then why take it away!?
Me: Because it only last so long, it’s going to come back. (getting desperate)
Customer: Well I want it fucking back now!
Me: I’m sorry.
Customer: You know what, fuck you too!
This is in fact not a work of fiction, and if you insist on yelling at me, the don’t look at me all surprised when I lean over the counter and threaten to infect bodily harm on you with a plastic knife.
In concerns to my taste in coffee
Why do I work at a coffee shop when I do not in fact, enjoy the taste of coffee?
Personal quote:
“Because I wanted society as a whole to suck to living soul out of me and I could think of no better place then standing between a person and their coffee!”
End quote.
In concerns to complete morons
It is entirely inappropriate for you to become upset with me when you are, in fact, a complete moron. I cannot be held accountable for how you feel when I point out the blatantly obvious to you when you ask a completely idiotic question.
Example:
Customer: Excuse me, I have a question.
Me: Okay.
Customer: What’s the difference between the 'no sugar added vanilla powder' and the regular 'vanilla powder'?
Me: (O.o slightly hesitant)...um there’s no sugar...in the no sugar added powder...?
Customer: (Scuffs and walks away)
Me:...dude...
You’re feelings after such a conversation commences is not my fault, it is yours, because you miss, are a complete idiot.
Example 2
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yeah, is your lemon zest really zesty?
Me: (Excuse me?) Yes
Customer: Oh, then I don’t want that.
I will not even dignify this with a retort.
In concerns to the ‘early birds’
Please direst your eyes slightly to the left of our front door and you will see that we do not in fact open until 6:30 (or 7:00). Now if you would please peal your face off of our front window and discontinue your tapping and wait patiently, that would be lovely.
In concerns to names
I get over 500 customers a day, it is beyond inappropriate for you to get angry with me for forgetting your name when you come in everyday, as I said before, so do 500 other people.
In concerns to my personal space
If one more man,
Touches my butt,
Asks for my phone number,
Attempts to flirt,
Comes on to me,
Asks me how old I am,
Winks,
Calls me ‘freckles’,
Asks me to touch them in someway,
Touches me in anyway,
Asks me where I go to school,
Calls me ‘babe’,
Question me as to if I’m looking at their crotch, (fact)
Stares at me too long,
Follows me home in their car, (fact)
Asks which car is mine,
Asks me to clean their table while they sit at it,
Etc,
I will in fact, throw a cup of scalding hot coffee in your eyes. And that is a promise.
In concerns to a ‘chain’
Quote:
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yes, this isn’t the coffee bean I usually go to but I order a ------.
(Well then I should warn you we lace our coffees with LSD in our coffee here. We're a chain; it’s made the same everywhere. So if you would please stop telling me that, that would be lovely.)
Thank you for your time.
As written by a disgruntled Barista.
In concerns to my humanity
I would like to announce that I am in fact, a human being, with human feelings, I breath, pee, pick my nose, and when you are screaming at me for things I have no control over, it does in fact BOTHER me.
In concerns to that which is out of my control
Real situation
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yes, I would like a chi ice blend-
Me: I’m sorry we don’t have that drink anymore.
Customer: What?
Me: We don’t-
Customer: Why!?
Me: O.o… It’s promotional we only-
Customer: I liked it!
Me: A lot of people did…
Customer: Then why take it away!?
Me: Because it only last so long, it’s going to come back. (getting desperate)
Customer: Well I want it fucking back now!
Me: I’m sorry.
Customer: You know what, fuck you too!
This is in fact not a work of fiction, and if you insist on yelling at me, the don’t look at me all surprised when I lean over the counter and threaten to infect bodily harm on you with a plastic knife.
In concerns to my taste in coffee
Why do I work at a coffee shop when I do not in fact, enjoy the taste of coffee?
Personal quote:
“Because I wanted society as a whole to suck to living soul out of me and I could think of no better place then standing between a person and their coffee!”
End quote.
In concerns to complete morons
It is entirely inappropriate for you to become upset with me when you are, in fact, a complete moron. I cannot be held accountable for how you feel when I point out the blatantly obvious to you when you ask a completely idiotic question.
Example:
Customer: Excuse me, I have a question.
Me: Okay.
Customer: What’s the difference between the 'no sugar added vanilla powder' and the regular 'vanilla powder'?
Me: (O.o slightly hesitant)...um there’s no sugar...in the no sugar added powder...?
Customer: (Scuffs and walks away)
Me:...dude...
You’re feelings after such a conversation commences is not my fault, it is yours, because you miss, are a complete idiot.
Example 2
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yeah, is your lemon zest really zesty?
Me: (Excuse me?) Yes
Customer: Oh, then I don’t want that.
I will not even dignify this with a retort.
In concerns to the ‘early birds’
Please direst your eyes slightly to the left of our front door and you will see that we do not in fact open until 6:30 (or 7:00). Now if you would please peal your face off of our front window and discontinue your tapping and wait patiently, that would be lovely.
In concerns to names
I get over 500 customers a day, it is beyond inappropriate for you to get angry with me for forgetting your name when you come in everyday, as I said before, so do 500 other people.
In concerns to my personal space
If one more man,
Touches my butt,
Asks for my phone number,
Attempts to flirt,
Comes on to me,
Asks me how old I am,
Winks,
Calls me ‘freckles’,
Asks me to touch them in someway,
Touches me in anyway,
Asks me where I go to school,
Calls me ‘babe’,
Question me as to if I’m looking at their crotch, (fact)
Stares at me too long,
Follows me home in their car, (fact)
Asks which car is mine,
Asks me to clean their table while they sit at it,
Etc,
I will in fact, throw a cup of scalding hot coffee in your eyes. And that is a promise.
In concerns to a ‘chain’
Quote:
Me: May I help you?
Customer: Yes, this isn’t the coffee bean I usually go to but I order a ------.
(Well then I should warn you we lace our coffees with LSD in our coffee here. We're a chain; it’s made the same everywhere. So if you would please stop telling me that, that would be lovely.)
Thank you for your time.
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