Tweet
Last year, the Local Sports Team won the Big Annual Sporting Event for the first time in its history, and they're in the running to be in it again this year. As such things are wont to do, this has caused public affection for the LSTs to boom, and for some reason (I blame the 16 hours of darkness we get every day this time of year) the fans of our team are extremely passionate about it to a degree I've never seen anywhere else I lived. (As a native San Diegan I never felt much passion for our home teams myself since we always knew they were going to lose anyway; we were just happy whenever the Raiders lost.)
Enter Overenthusiastic Sports Fan, a middle aged man who shows up at the store once every week or two to do his shopping. For OSF, the Local Sports Team isn't just a phenomenon. It isn't just an obsession. Calling it his religion would probably be selling it short too. It is his entire reason for living. I have never seen him wearing anything other than the team colors from head to toe, with as much official team merchandise as he can stack onto his frame - jersey, scarf, beanie, jacket, if they make underwear with the logo on the crotch he's probably got that too. He dresses like this year-round - game day, bye week, off season, no matter. I almost suspect that once, in '89, he didn't wear the team colors and the team lost by 85-2, and now he's convinced that the team will lose and it'll be his fault if he doesn't go as over the top as possible to make sure every man, woman, and child he encounters knows he supports the team. You can't exchange words with him without him mentioning the team. You can't give him his total at the checkout counter without him mentioning how great they're doing this year.
Which brings us to his most annoying habit - he will, on a regular basis, apropos of no particular external stimuli whatsoever, yell "GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!" at the loudest possible volume his mighty lungs are capable of generating. He will do this at least every 2-3 minutes during a typical visit to the store. You can hear him from the other end of the store (and we've got 96,000 square feet of floor space). It's one of the most annoying, boorish, inappropriate-for-a-public-place behaviors I've ever seen, and as far as I can tell, he's utterly clueless that anyone would possibly have a problem with it. I've asked the upper management if we can ban him or tell him to cut it out, but for some reason nobody has a problem with the guy who yells about Local Sports Team.
He made it even worse (and I didn't think that was possible) this morning, after having already been here and shouting for the better part of an hour. It's about 630 AM, and we're wrapping up the overnight freight stocking, when I hear two beeps from above indicating that someone is using the overhead loudspeakers to page for something. I stop what I'm doing and listen up in case it involves me. What do I hear?
I'll give you three guesses;
A) "Smapti, please call extension 100"
B) "Deli department, price check on aisle 15"
C) "GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!"
Did you guess C? Congratulations. You win a cookie.
My immediate thoughts are twofold; either an employee dialed the page function for him and let him shout into the intercom loud enough to make Lemmy himself politely request that you turn it down (bad); or he's figured out the code to access the page function on his own (worse). I go on the manhunt, determine that the page came from the one cashier whose lane was open at the time, and go to him to find out what the hell just happened.
As it turns out, I overestimated OSF's disregard for proper behavior in public, as the cashier and the customer at the register both confirmed what had indeed happened; as OSF was finishing up his business and bagging his groceries, the cashier picked up the phone and opened the intercom to call for a sweep log check (something we do every 30 minutes to make sure the floors are clear of debris), and before the cashier could do so, OSF reached across the register, grabbed the phone out of the cashier's hand, and issued his customary mating cry before dropping the handset, gathering the rest of his groceries, and leaving.
I really wish I could convince the management to ban him or threaten him with a ban after this, but again, nobody but me seems to care about it that much (including the cashier, who was more just plain bewildered by it than as pissed off as I'd be.) So I'll just say this, OSF; I hope Local Sports Team makes it to the Big Annual Event this year and loses. Loses hard. I hope they get utterly humiliated in a way no team has ever been humiliated in the history of The Sport Which They Participate In, and I hope that at the post-game press conference, Star Player Who Loves Skittles looks directly into the camera, calls you out by name, and says that the team losing is entirely your fault.
...So, how was your New Year's?
Enter Overenthusiastic Sports Fan, a middle aged man who shows up at the store once every week or two to do his shopping. For OSF, the Local Sports Team isn't just a phenomenon. It isn't just an obsession. Calling it his religion would probably be selling it short too. It is his entire reason for living. I have never seen him wearing anything other than the team colors from head to toe, with as much official team merchandise as he can stack onto his frame - jersey, scarf, beanie, jacket, if they make underwear with the logo on the crotch he's probably got that too. He dresses like this year-round - game day, bye week, off season, no matter. I almost suspect that once, in '89, he didn't wear the team colors and the team lost by 85-2, and now he's convinced that the team will lose and it'll be his fault if he doesn't go as over the top as possible to make sure every man, woman, and child he encounters knows he supports the team. You can't exchange words with him without him mentioning the team. You can't give him his total at the checkout counter without him mentioning how great they're doing this year.
Which brings us to his most annoying habit - he will, on a regular basis, apropos of no particular external stimuli whatsoever, yell "GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!" at the loudest possible volume his mighty lungs are capable of generating. He will do this at least every 2-3 minutes during a typical visit to the store. You can hear him from the other end of the store (and we've got 96,000 square feet of floor space). It's one of the most annoying, boorish, inappropriate-for-a-public-place behaviors I've ever seen, and as far as I can tell, he's utterly clueless that anyone would possibly have a problem with it. I've asked the upper management if we can ban him or tell him to cut it out, but for some reason nobody has a problem with the guy who yells about Local Sports Team.
He made it even worse (and I didn't think that was possible) this morning, after having already been here and shouting for the better part of an hour. It's about 630 AM, and we're wrapping up the overnight freight stocking, when I hear two beeps from above indicating that someone is using the overhead loudspeakers to page for something. I stop what I'm doing and listen up in case it involves me. What do I hear?
I'll give you three guesses;
A) "Smapti, please call extension 100"
B) "Deli department, price check on aisle 15"
C) "GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!"
Did you guess C? Congratulations. You win a cookie.
My immediate thoughts are twofold; either an employee dialed the page function for him and let him shout into the intercom loud enough to make Lemmy himself politely request that you turn it down (bad); or he's figured out the code to access the page function on his own (worse). I go on the manhunt, determine that the page came from the one cashier whose lane was open at the time, and go to him to find out what the hell just happened.
As it turns out, I overestimated OSF's disregard for proper behavior in public, as the cashier and the customer at the register both confirmed what had indeed happened; as OSF was finishing up his business and bagging his groceries, the cashier picked up the phone and opened the intercom to call for a sweep log check (something we do every 30 minutes to make sure the floors are clear of debris), and before the cashier could do so, OSF reached across the register, grabbed the phone out of the cashier's hand, and issued his customary mating cry before dropping the handset, gathering the rest of his groceries, and leaving.
I really wish I could convince the management to ban him or threaten him with a ban after this, but again, nobody but me seems to care about it that much (including the cashier, who was more just plain bewildered by it than as pissed off as I'd be.) So I'll just say this, OSF; I hope Local Sports Team makes it to the Big Annual Event this year and loses. Loses hard. I hope they get utterly humiliated in a way no team has ever been humiliated in the history of The Sport Which They Participate In, and I hope that at the post-game press conference, Star Player Who Loves Skittles looks directly into the camera, calls you out by name, and says that the team losing is entirely your fault.
...So, how was your New Year's?
Comment