Ooh I found this one whilst clearing out my old emails. It was for a report I was doing for Horrendous Switchboard Banking Company (no names )...
Dear Francois,You asked for my report on the phone call assignment for Horrendous Switchboard bank.Here it is verbatim for your entertainment...
H:Hello,switchboard,can I help you?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Huh?What do you mean?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:I don't know what you're asking-what do you want me to do?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Is that a person,a place,a department?
Me:It's a person.Sue A.
H:I need the full name.
Me:That is the full name-Sue A.
H:I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know that-she just said Sue in the message.
H:Without that,I can't help you.I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know whether she's Suzanne,Susie,Suzette or Sue.She goes by the name of Sue at work. She's the Premier Co-ordinator and she's on extension xxxx
H:How do you spell A***?
Me:I'm assuming A***.Or possibly A***
H:If you haven't got the correct spelling,I can't help you.
Me:Well,let's try A***.Do you have anyone called Sue A of whatever spelling then can you transfer me through-I'm certain there can't be more than one of them.
H:Well,I can't transfer you if I have don't know who you want to talk to.
Me:Right-there is a Sue A,who is a person.
H:Yes
Me:Who is a Premier Co-ordinator on extension xxxxx
H:Yes
Me:Excellent.That's who I want...
*silence*
Me:Hello?
H:Yes.I don't understand what it is you're wanting me to do.What is it you want from me?
Me:I've given you the name of the person and the number they are on.I want you to transfer me through to them.It shouldn't be this difficult.
H:With respect sir,it is difficult if I haven't got any information.
Me:The name is Sue A.The department is Premier Co-ordinator,the number is xxxx. Do you have any number at all in your company for that?
H:There's nothing coming up here on my screen
Me:So,to confirm,you have no number for a Sue A. anywhere in your company-is that what you're telling me?
H:Well I can't say,it hasn't brought it up because I haven't got any information to put in.I do have a number for an S.A in the system.
Me:Super-can you transfer me through?
H:I can't do that,it might not be the right S.A.
*sound of head banging against wall*.
*they did not get a good report for ease of use
Dear Francois,You asked for my report on the phone call assignment for Horrendous Switchboard bank.Here it is verbatim for your entertainment...
H:Hello,switchboard,can I help you?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Huh?What do you mean?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:I don't know what you're asking-what do you want me to do?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Is that a person,a place,a department?
Me:It's a person.Sue A.
H:I need the full name.
Me:That is the full name-Sue A.
H:I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know that-she just said Sue in the message.
H:Without that,I can't help you.I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know whether she's Suzanne,Susie,Suzette or Sue.She goes by the name of Sue at work. She's the Premier Co-ordinator and she's on extension xxxx
H:How do you spell A***?
Me:I'm assuming A***.Or possibly A***
H:If you haven't got the correct spelling,I can't help you.
Me:Well,let's try A***.Do you have anyone called Sue A of whatever spelling then can you transfer me through-I'm certain there can't be more than one of them.
H:Well,I can't transfer you if I have don't know who you want to talk to.
Me:Right-there is a Sue A,who is a person.
H:Yes
Me:Who is a Premier Co-ordinator on extension xxxxx
H:Yes
Me:Excellent.That's who I want...
*silence*
Me:Hello?
H:Yes.I don't understand what it is you're wanting me to do.What is it you want from me?
Me:I've given you the name of the person and the number they are on.I want you to transfer me through to them.It shouldn't be this difficult.
H:With respect sir,it is difficult if I haven't got any information.
Me:The name is Sue A.The department is Premier Co-ordinator,the number is xxxx. Do you have any number at all in your company for that?
H:There's nothing coming up here on my screen
Me:So,to confirm,you have no number for a Sue A. anywhere in your company-is that what you're telling me?
H:Well I can't say,it hasn't brought it up because I haven't got any information to put in.I do have a number for an S.A in the system.
Me:Super-can you transfer me through?
H:I can't do that,it might not be the right S.A.
*sound of head banging against wall*.
*they did not get a good report for ease of use
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