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Damn Spongebob Balloon is JINXED

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  • Damn Spongebob Balloon is JINXED

    So about a week ago I'm out with the kid in a grocery store, and she's been really good, and she asks for this Spongebob balloon she sees.

    Well, I hate the damn things, they float around the house and get in the way and sneak up on you in the dark and just never really seem to die. So against my better judgement, I said okay since she'd been such a good girl all day.

    She's holding the thing by the string,and it's crowded, and there's a line, and do I have this card and do you have your own bags there yada yada yada and the thing floats off the string and my kid is sitting there all sad.

    I'm like, look, how about this I'll get you some candy?She says "okay" but she's still all sad and only saying that because she doesn't want a big bother. So the very tall bagger says "Hey, I can get it for her, it's not a problem."

    So I thank him and he gets it. And it's a huge clusterfuck trying to ring it up and after all this horseshit the thing turns out to be nearly THIRTEEN BUCKS. YES. For a damn balloon. So I said to myself, you know what? Fuck it. Buy the damn balloon. Maybe that will teach you to give in when buying something you hate. Take the cornholing, pay your money, and eat it. At that point, I'm obligated.

    So off we go. Turns out, Spongebob is a singing balloon, hence the expense. However he does not sing. He is supposed to, but he does not. Except once, the husband got it to sing with what my kid described as "the worst music ever."

    Fast forward to about a week later. My kid is trying to get the thing to sing by throwing a cute little pink stuffed pig into the "push me" area. Except what happened was this: cute little pink stuffed pig went into the balloon like the iceburg that tore open the Titanic. The thing for want of a better word exploded and fell to the floor in what looked like a pig partially wrapped in a wad of wrapping paper, singing in a tiny, distorted recording of "the worst music ever."

    When I saw and heard all this, I no kidding came this close to pissing myself. I'm not exaggerating. The kid was all worried I'd be mad because she heard me kvetching about expensive the thing turned out to be to the husband. She told me, I went in there and looked, and probably cried with laughter for close to fifteen minutes.

    Thirteen fucking dollars.

  • #2
    holy shit....a singing balloon? 13 bucks? Damn I'm glad my kids are too old for that kind of shit now
    https://www.youtube.com/user/HedgeTV
    Great YouTube channel check it out!

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    • #3
      I should have been your kid... I never asked for balloons Just stuffed animals. If I had my way, I'm sure I'd have a mountain of them right now. I had a whole net thing hanging in the corner of my room as a child, though
      Look, a signature!

      If every cashier in the world went on strike, retail would come to a screeching halt, even if for a couple hours.

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      • #4
        The $13 was totally worth the pants-pissing laughter you got, and are now passing on to the rest of us.

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