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Why is your 'boyfriend' so surprised?

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  • Why is your 'boyfriend' so surprised?

    The players:

    The heroes:
    Mater: Boffo's Mom, dressed in her gardening clothes.
    3AW: Angry African-American Woman, a vision in dark olive green (No, I didn't file her in the wrong category, read on)

    The villains:
    WTB: White Trash Bitch, dressed as a typical WTB: Low-rider gauchos giving us a look at her red thong, black bra clearly visible beneath her tissue-paper-thin, white, spaghetti-strap top.
    "BF": Boyfriend, in quotes, dressed in parenthesis.

    The bystanders:
    Boffo(me), A few mature adults, and several children of varying ages

    The setting:
    A Local Supermarket, Sunday Afternoon

    (this particular market has 2 self-check lanes)

    Boffo and Mater are in line behind 3AW at the self-check lane, Boffo holds a bag of canine cuisine, Mater holds a chocolate chocolate-chip pudding cake intended for a church picnic this evening. "BF" ad libs ringing his order (scans paper towels, chocolate syrup & condoms, holds up bananas for cashier approval, etc. [wonder what he has planned this evening]).

    As "BF" wraps ringing his order, WTB appears near the line which is protruding nearly into the frozen food section, spots "BF", waves.

    "BF", genuinely surprised to see her, speaks: WTB! (I'm sure he actually called her by name, but I can't be bothered to remember such trivialities) You're buying diapers!?

    (She is indeed, along with 1 or 2 other items which may be baby-related)

    WTB speaks: Yeah, I'm in a townhouse now. (I fail to see the connection--diapers > townhouse it's like mustard > football ... anyway)

    "BF" speaks: Oh, that's nice. (Tries to wrap conversation.)

    WTB slides in front of the line and waits to use "BF"'s terminal, assuming the rest of us in line only speak Russian, or are deaf as a post.

    Mater: Excuse me, we were all here first.

    3AW: Yeah, you gotta wait in line.

    (You will note that the heroes are smart enough to say their lines without the express written instruction to speak)

    WTB speaks, trying to sound sweet and innocent: Oh, but you see my "boyfriend" has to get to...

    Mater : You have to wait in line. You think we don't have any place to be?

    WTB speaks (dropping the nice'n'sweet act): Well you don't have to be such a fucking sm*rt bitch about it!

    (I thought of repremanding her for using such vulgar and abusive language at my dear silver-haired mother, but "BF" looked like he could take me, should he decide to take WTB's side in all this)

    3AW: And you need to learn not to mess with a f*cking convict! I'll f*ck you up.

    So, we get to the front of the line, and there's "BF" helping her ring her order the next lane over!

    For those who weren't paying attention, here's a revew:
    1) He clearly did not expect to see her.
    2) He's most likely not her "baby daddy" if that's the correct slang.
    3) He didn't know that she had moved into a townhouse.
    All of this fairly screams: He's not your boyfriend, you lying, scamming, WTB! What did you do to get him to play along? Did you offer to blow him in the parking lot?

    The bad news: She's already procreated, and her offspring is most likely also a card-carrying member of the FFOA (Future Felons Of America).

    The good news: He did buy condoms. Hopefully he knows how to use them.

    A new acronym: IDIOT

    Is
    Definitely
    Incapable
    Of
    Thought

  • #2
    ooooooookay. what a story. My peeves are people who are entitled to be in line but leave a big, huge space in front of them so other people can simply cut in line. What pisses me off from entitled line-up whores is when in a fast food restaurant waiting at a till that doesn't clearly says it's closed the person is working another till, this asshole just walked into the fast food restaurant and waited at the right till, i went in front of him and he said, excuse me I was first. I said no you just walked in and the lady served him instead of me but she apologized to me.
    Providing Excellent customer service and Filtering out nonsense people.

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth boffomusic View Post
      paper towels, chocolate syrup & condoms, holds up bananas for cashier approval, etc. [wonder what he has planned this evening]).
      That was the funniest part of your whole post!

      Good on your mom and that other woman for speaking up, though I'm a little disappointed you didn't say anything in your mother's defense.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth boffomusic View Post
        WTB speaks (dropping the nice'n'sweet act): Well you don't have to be such a fucking sm*rt bitch about it!
        HAHAHA, too funny! I'd have said "You don't have to be such a fucking *dumb* bitch about it, either, so get your ass to the back of the line!"

        (Side note: Why is "smart" censored and "fucking" not? That made me giggle a bit, lol! )

        3AW: And you need to learn not to mess with a f*cking convict! I'll f*ck you up.
        HURRAY! 3AW makes me happy, that was too funny!
        "This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!"

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth boffomusic View Post
          "BF" ad libs ringing his order (scans paper towels, chocolate syrup & condoms, holds up bananas for cashier approval, etc.
          I'd do that for fun. Even by myself. I'm weird.
          Unseen but seeing
          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
          3rd shift needs love, too
          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth boffomusic View Post
            The players:

            "BF" ad libs ringing his order (scans paper towels, chocolate syrup & condoms, holds up bananas for cashier approval, etc. [wonder what he has planned this evening])
            Brain Bleach, Brain Bleach, wheres the damn Bleach!
            A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

            Comment


            • #7
              It seems like most people in the world spend their time wondering what everyone else is going to do for them.

              I'd have to say that most of the problems I have seen between customers and the like come from that. The customers seem to think they are owed something that they clearly do not have the right to demand. Or, in this case, they feel that they have the right to delay other people's lives because it is more convenient for them. :\

              Comment


              • #8
                Speaking so much of bananas, chocolate, paper and condoms made me think back of this: http://www.xkcd.com/236/
                I pet animals, I rescue insects, I hug trees.

                "I picture the lead singer of Gwar screaming 'People of Japan, look at my balls! My swinging pendulous balls!!!'" -- Khyras

                Comment


                • #9
                  he probably did know her but they didn't want anyone else to know. I used to work at a grocery store where we would watch from the window in the break room that faced the parking lot people meeting at the store leaving together and then coming back an hour or 2 later. It's like that old saying whenever you see 2 people kissing in public they are not married to each other. They more then likely thought what they were saying would throw people off.
                  I like to scare small childeren, it's fun and as long as you can out run the parents you can get away with it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth crazylegs View Post
                    Brain Bleach, Brain Bleach, wheres the damn Bleach!
                    There, there...here you go
                    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth boffomusic View Post
                      diapers : townhouse :: mustard : X
                      Just cleaned that up a bit, and let's see if I can't make some semblance of intelligence to that...
                      Diapers are needed for the youngin's... which means, hey, you need a bigger place than your trailer, so you move into a townhouse, finally.
                      Mustard is needed for the hot dogs, which means, hey, you need a casing for it, which leads to buying hot dog buns. Thus, X= hot dog buns.
                      The complete comparison should read: Diapers:townhouse::mustard:hot dog buns
                      "If it weren't for my horse..."
                      "I call murder on that!"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth boffomusic View Post
                        "BF", genuinely surprised to see her, speaks: WTB!...
                        Holy Christ on the Cross, I just busted a gut laughing right now!!!!


                        Quoth boffomusic View Post
                        3AW: And you need to learn not to mess with a f*cking convict! I'll f*ck you up.
                        I LOVE this woman. I wish I were hardened enough to make threats like that and avenge the victims of white-trash bullying! You never mentioned whether WTB had a rebuttal, though I'm guessing she wasn't looking to get shanked...

                        OK, I have to go wipe the tears from my face now - thanks for a great read!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Juwl View Post
                          "If it weren't for my horse..."
                          "I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth Juwl View Post
                            "If it weren't for my horse..."
                            "I'd have avoided the blackmail that keeps me out of the White House."

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Jester View Post
                              "I'd have avoided the blackmail that keeps me out of the White House."


                              Jester you are made of pure awesome, you know that, right?

                              Oh, and also... damn you for making me waste a perfectly good sip of brandy.
                              ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
                              And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

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