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Laws That Should Be passed
  #1  
Old 07-09-2006, 09:33 AM
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Talking Laws That Should Be passed

Okay...I posted these on my blog. It recieved a luke warm response, and hardly anyone was willing to contribute. However, we're all here to bitch about those whiny little people that call themselves customers. Feel free to post any I forgot. One that I'm thinking about is...The back room is not a special part of the store, where we hide 'extras.'

Laws that Should be Passed:

Law ..1:Anyone who can't read a fucking sign will be sent to remedial reading classes...
When there is a sign that says 'NO Checks,' Guess what that means? This is a serious problem at the fuel center, this lady said she wouldn't go there anymore b/c there was no sign posted. There is a sticker on every pump and right next to the door, I guess we expect too much when we expect the customer to read.

Law ..2: If I tell you I can't accept something, then that's what I mean. If you follow it up with a 'Are you kidding/joking?' I get to hit you with a sack full of quarters. What do you expect me to say,'Yeah I was just kidding, it's a joke we like to play on people with checks we don't accept.'

Law ..3: Any price dispute less than a dollars means you have you wear a sign that says 'Cheap Retard' anytime you visit the store and I get to hit you with a sack full of quarters.
I had a guy dispute me over 12 cents...12 fucking cents.

Law ..4: Any bad jokes means I get to hit you with a sack of quarters and you are no longer allowed to speak to store employees. Example: "Did you find everything today sir?"
"I think I found too much, har, har!"

Law ..5: Going in to the Express lane with more than the allowed amount, or writing a check in the express lane means that the other customers and the cashier get's to throw rotten tomatoes at you. It's better than throwing them away.

Law ..6: Announcing the managers name does not invoke fear in to me, so don't do it. Pretending that you and the manager "Go way back" when in fact he only knows you because you whine every shopping visit, means I get to beat you with a sack full of nickels.

Law #7: If you ignore your screaming annoying child, I'll ignore you. See ignoring the problem doesn't get us anywhere. I refuse to check out your groceries until you get that little monster quiet. There's a difference between a little baby crying and a child who does it just because.

Law #8: Rarely the customer is right. So that little saying that you amazingly remember, while not remembering that the one day sale is one day only, really does not apply anymore. I can only think of two occasions when the customer was truely correct.

Law ..9: Complaining in order to get an item free, or if the scanner doesn't work so you assume out loud that the item is free, means that you will have to wear the "Cheap Retard" sign any time that you come to my work place. Plus you will be charged for items that are usually free. Such as parking per hour, and shopping cart rental.

Law #10: Walking up does not mean that I'm ready to wait on you. So don't open up your yapper until I acknowledge you with a "May I help you." Suprisingly there are things i have to do, and you aren't the center of the universe despite what you might think. In this moment the judgement of whether or not you get a refund/stamp/lotto ticket/ or pay your electric bill is entirely up to me. So guess who is the center of the universe now bitch? Failure to wait until you're acknowledge means I get to be as shitty as I want, and can give you numerous dirty looks. I can't get in trouble for how I look at you...HAHA!

Law #11: Just because you're old doesn't mean that you are any more special than any one else. If you're going to be shitty then I have the right to tell you that you are doing nothing more than wasting social security that could be left for me. I love my grandma to death and i have never seen her give crap to any cashier unlike the elderly people that shop at my workplace. That's not to say that she doesn't talk trash when she walks away, she is related to me and all...lol.

Leave others as you see fit.
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  #2  
Old 07-09-2006, 02:03 PM
iridios iridios is offline
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Why are you using a sack full of coins???

It should be a sack full of nails!

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Old 07-09-2006, 03:24 PM
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Why don't you just use a baseball bat?
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Old 07-09-2006, 03:35 PM
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I think it's because the sack of coins is relevant and more readily available.

In the case of my store, those are in a metal toolbox.

<pictures swinging it at someone's head>

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  #5  
Old 07-09-2006, 03:42 PM
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*hands you all her loose change*

~ If you call in & start ranting & raving even BEFORE I know who you are or have pulled up your account, you get to drive to my call center & take calls from other morons who do the very same thing. It will show you humility.
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  #6  
Old 07-09-2006, 03:46 PM
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AmericanZero, I absolutely LOVE your post.

Maybe all the cashiers on the board should make copies to post by their registers.
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  #7  
Old 07-09-2006, 07:26 PM
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Quote:
Quoth AmericanZero8503
Law ..4: Any bad jokes means I get to hit you with a sack of quarters and you are no longer allowed to speak to store employees. Example: "Did you find everything today sir?"
"I think I found too much, har, har!"
Don't forget the ever so popular lines 'The item didn't scan, it must be free!', & 'you look bored, let me give you something to do!'
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Thanks for responses
  #8  
Old 07-09-2006, 07:56 PM
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AmericanZero8503 AmericanZero8503 is offline
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Holy crap, I could I forget the popular...you look bored, let me give you something to do. I'm doing fine getting paid to stare off in to space...LEAVE ME ALONE...lol.

I wasn't condoning violence, I was just giving punishment where it's due.
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  #9  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:15 PM
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Lace Neil Singer Lace Neil Singer is offline
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Same here. ^_^

I will add this one:

Law 6. Any children that misbehave in any way, will be taken to the child cage that is situated in the basement. Misbehaviour, for the ignorant among you, is any of the following: screaming/shouting for fun; grabbing merchandise; handling merchandise; climbing shelves; breaking things. Also, if your child is annoying anyway, the crime of "existing" will be written on the sticker that will be placed accross your child's gob before it is taken to the child cage. Before you can leave the store, you must claim your brat from the cage; to do this you must fill out a long form and pay for any damage, including emotional damage, that your demon spawn has caused; thus ensuring that you take steps to control the brat next time you visit our store.
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  #10  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Lace Neil Singer
Law 6. Any children that misbehave in any way, will be taken to the child cage that is situated in the basement...
...Also, if your child is annoying anyway, the crime of "existing" will be written on the sticker that will be placed accross your child's gob before it is taken to the child cage....
Why take it out on the child who obviously was not raised to know better?

Wouldn't it be more effective to just put the parents in the cage and subject them to parenting lessons and skills assessments, until they can prove they are fit to resume the care and handling of a child?

Honestly, the anger towards innocent, although misbehaving children these days really irks me.
Yeah, they're misbehaving, but if they weren't taught any differently, how is it their fault?
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Last edited by Ree; 07-09-2006 at 08:32 PM.
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