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  #21  
Old 07-10-2006, 03:40 AM
Comp_geek's Avatar
Comp_geek Comp_geek is offline
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Location: Hamilton, ON, Canada
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Mine is:

No I won't throw in a free tape or battery or whatever else you want. The more you ask, the higher I get to turn the voltage on the nipple clamps I'll put on you.
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  #22  
Old 07-10-2006, 03:43 AM
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batmoody batmoody is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Ree
Just a reminder and to clarify, for anyone who may visit this board, that the fantasy of "hitting the customer", the use of the "sack of quarters", the "baseball bat", the "metal box full of change", the "till lock" or "divider", or any other projectiles or heavy blunt objects is purely hypothetical and not a reflection on the board's policy, as we do not condone violence to our customers.

aaah man.........
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  #23  
Old 07-10-2006, 03:45 AM
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Crosshair Crosshair is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Ree
Honestly, the anger towards innocent, although misbehaving children these days really irks me.
Yeah, they're misbehaving, but if they weren't taught any differently, how is it their fault?
That's because you can't beat them anymore. When I was little and made someone angry because I was being an ass my parents either spanked me or someone tried to beat me up. (Happened on the playground at school plenty of times.) Call it cruel if you want. But it generaly got the message across that you just don't do some stuff. I found it handy to have a roll of nickels (poor mans brass knuckles) on you at all times. Keeping a child in a padded room just hurts them. They need to learn that the real world is not a nice place and how to survive.

/
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  #24  
Old 07-10-2006, 03:47 AM
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Ree Ree is offline
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Quote:
Quoth batmoody
aaah man.........
Heehee!!
Sorry to ruin your fun.

And, Crosshair, let's not turn this thread offtopic, OK?

My comments were simply reminders to play nice in regard to everyone, customers and children included.

As Nightangel said,
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Last edited by Ree; 07-10-2006 at 03:54 AM.

  #25  
Old 07-10-2006, 05:15 AM
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I_Hate_SCs I_Hate_SCs is offline
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My laws in no apparent order:

1. (As explained in my signature) The backroom is NOT a 'store within a store.' Unless its an advertised item, and you see an empty space, grasp the fact WE ARE OUT and leave! I won't waste my time when I have 1000s of things to do to pull a pen out of our stockroom just for you, especially when similar items are around.

2. You lose the right to complain to a manager once you become rude to staff members. Additionally, managers will only listen to complaints deemed 'valid' by staff members.

3. We don't have a 'return rack' at the fitting room since you must put everything back where you found it. Customers who don't put things back where they found it (and this goes for the whole store, not just at the fitting room) will become locked by chains to their shopping cart (which will subsequently have locked wheels, keeping them captive in the store) until they agree to go back and put back the unwanted items.

4. We will NOT sell a display item (especially baby furniture) unless you sign a release form that doesn't make us liable if the poorly-constructed display breaks and hurts your child. The form, in big letters, explains: 'As a cheapskate, I refuse to supply my family with a safe baby item/home furniture, so I choose to purchase this display item that is most likely already falling apart. I am fully responsible, NOT the store, if any bodily injuries occur from the use of this item.'

5. Any person who brings in a watch that we don't sell, and gets mad when we tell them we can't change the battery due to store policy, gets a verbal warning from the employee. If the argument continues, the employee is allowed to take the watch (regardless of how expensive it is), and smash it with the heaviest hammer in our equipment drawer at the jewelry counter.

6. Any customer who leaves their shopping cart at the middle of the parking lot (and leaves without returning it to the cart corral) will wake up the next morning at their home and find 10 shopping carts slammed into their precious car, with a bill from a mechanic of our choice explaining the cost of repair they MUST pay.
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  #26  
Old 07-10-2006, 06:17 AM
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Sunsetsky Sunsetsky is offline
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* Do not almost run me over with the electric cart and then yell at me. In this situation, I will be allowed to snap back at you and revoke your right to ride on these. I already have to deal with crazy drivers outside, I don't need to deal with anymore INSIDE.

* If I am actually hit with an electric cart, then I am fully entitled to play bumper carts with you. Except...I'll have the cart and you won't.

* Don't ask me a question and then ask someone else the same question after you got the answer from me. I will throw rotten fruit (preferably tomatoes) at you. And I won't miss.

  #27  
Old 07-10-2006, 08:18 AM
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bars.of.a.rhyme bars.of.a.rhyme is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Comp_geek
Mine is:

No I won't throw in a free tape or battery or whatever else you want. The more you ask, the higher I get to turn the voltage on the nipple clamps I'll put on you.
That's awesome in at least six different ways. Moving on.


1.) When I say "I can't do that or else I will get fired," I really mean it. My ass will be out the door. When I share this information with you, if you ask again and try to justify it by saying that you "come in here all the time," I get to say "so do I, and I'd like to keep it that way." If you take offense at my sarcasm, violence will ensue.

2.) It's five o'clock. I'm leaving now. One of the two other people here will be happy to ring up your movies. Yes, they're both busy. It appears that you will have to wait. I won't, though. Thanks for choosing Hollywood, I'll be thinking of you and how much I'd like to kick you in the pancreas on my drive home. If you make a face, grunt, sigh, or express any thought or concern that is not "you are well within your right to go home, as your scheduled shift has ended, have a pleasant afternoon," violence will ensue.

3.) If I'm coming on in the middle of the day, I'm going to count my drawer before I sell you something. I'm going to count it so hard that you will just not believe it. No amount of sighing, grunting, foot tapping, swearing, cursing, laughing, requests to see the manager on duty (that'd be me), or queries to your spouse regarding whether or not he or she can believe this will convince me to skip counting my drawer. If you act like a petulant child, I'm going to treat you like a petulant child, except when it suits me to treat you like an adult, like if violence is about to ensue.

4.) When I ask you if you would like to pay your late fees now, if your response is "Well, I wouldn't like to," or any iterration thereof, I get to glare at you with lots of anger. Except replace "glare at" with "ignite" and "anger" with "lighter fluid." When I'm done turning you into a desiccated crisp, violence will ensue.

5.) When the power flickers, we don't sell anything for forty minutes. It's not my choice, it's not a judgement call, it's a hard and fast requirement. Forty minutes is the amount of time it takes to fix the damage to the transaction files that occurs when the server loses power. Yes, even for just a second. No, I'm not lying. Hell, I'll put tech support on speakerphone and you can listen in. Why in pluperfect hell would I pretend not to be able to sell movies for two thirds of an hour? I guess I can understand your suspicion...after all, there's so many other things I'll get to do in the next forty minutes, like stand there, and then move two feet over and stand in a totally new place. Verily, the next forty minutes will be a time of unbridled glee. Idiot. If you fail to understand this concept, violence will ensue.

And most importantly...

6.) I am the manager on duty. Yes, really. Seriously. I even have the words "shift director" under my nametag. Yes, I know I can't be older than twenty. I'm nineteen, to be precise. I'm just as capable as the MOD on the next shift will be. If you fail to grasp the concept that I am both a teenager and a figure of authority in my store, violence will ensue.

Last edited by bars.of.a.rhyme; 07-10-2006 at 08:27 AM.

  #28  
Old 07-10-2006, 08:56 AM
Gas Station Girl Gas Station Girl is offline
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1. If you throw a $20 bill at me and ask for "some fives", I will assume that you want nickels, and I will throw them at you, one at a time.
2. If you buy a pack of gum, or a similar cheap item, with a large bill because you just want change, I will give you your change in pennies and you will have to pick them up off the floor.
3. If you utter the phrase, "but it's cheaper at (insert store name here)", you will be instantly transported to (insert store name here), and will be forced to buy every single one of that item, since it is apparently such a good deal.
4. If you leave garbage in our store, an employee will follow you home and empty all of the store's garbage cans on your front lawn.
5. If you throw money on the counter without saying what it's for, the employee shall assume that she is being given a tip, and she will be allowed to keep it.

  #29  
Old 07-10-2006, 10:41 AM
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Kusanagi Kusanagi is offline
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Quote:
Quoth NightAngel
Those of us who are parents would like some for ourselves and our children.
It's impossible to do this when not all parents are as good as you are.

The ones I hate are the ones that impress into their children that they have a false sense of entitlement. I'm sorry if the term offends you, but I don't see the parents OR the kids as anything else.
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  #30  
Old 07-10-2006, 11:39 AM
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Ree Ree is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Kusanagi
I'm sorry if the term offends you, but I don't see the parents OR the kids as anything else.
Then that would be your right to your own feelings, but we just ask that you keep it off this board, thanks.
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