"WHY DOESN'T MY SCIRPT WORK!? I'll SU You!"

[kpb]

When you are a programmer and invest eons in developing business web software, NOTHING beats the customer who is foaming at the mouth and bat shit stupid. Not only do they panic over everything, but EVERYTHING is your fault all the time al-ways because they said so!

"Why won't this work!?!?!"

"You mean this needs a database connection? What's that!?"

Oh, just kill me. I have a message that states, in the website, "PHP/MYSQL required"

I have a readme file showing them to install it with a link to buy an install

I have a VIDEO that they must watch so they learn HOW to install it and use it that SHOWS them how to install/create the database and the appropriate connections/permissions

Its' ass if they spend all day watching hee haw and infomercials, burp a few songs and then decided its' time to make some big bucks! They probably put their mouse on the floor and wonder why the foot pedal won't spit $100 bills out of the laptops butt hole

I just cannot take it anymore. They are such rotten garbage flesh feces that really serve no other purpose than to be fed into a hungry volcano. I hate these customers, especially because they refuse to learn the software/basic web technology and they are all broke as I am!

[draggar]

Wow. I love it when I see on some forums people threatening to sue over a FREE piece of software (like SMF, phpBB, Wordpress etc..).

[earl colby pottinger]

One third up front

I just cannot take it anymore. They are such rotten garbage flesh feces that really serve no other purpose than to be fed into a hungry volcano. I hate these customers, especially because they refuse to learn the software/basic web technology and they are all broke as I am!

Get a deposit of 25%-33% upfront before you start the work. This is the preferred amount, but even a 5%-10% deposit upfront will filter out a lot of the cheap ones who don't plan to pay you for your work.

Get them to sign a contract where conditions are clearly spelled out, and NEVER LOSE YOUR COPY!

All changes not already in the contract are CHARGE_ABLE!.

Have check points where you collect payments when reached. If you wait till the job is done before getting paid some customers will try and drag it out with tons of little changes while never paying you a cent. In particular they want the website to go live without paying you, then the longer it takes for you to collect, the better for them.

Thus never deliver a working (money making) website without getting the bulk of the payment first. At the very least host it on a machine/ISP service that you control so if they don't pay you can cut them off.

And no matter how much they beg, start no work without that deposit or signed contract.

[JLRodgers]

It's one thing I learned from software development -- those that pay will rarely find problems - those that get it free complain about everything including the imaginary things they think it should do but doesn't not working right.

If I got paid the price of the software for every "I clicked X and it doesn't do Y", that I had a reply of "that's because it doesn't do Y" I could've retired five years ago.