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Who has the brain bleach?

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  • Who has the brain bleach?

    Dear Guy Who Managed to Creep Me Out Within Seconds of Entering My Department,

    What gave you the idea that it was appropriate to use our demo computers to browse Craigslist's "Casual Encounters" section?

    Bravo on the courage it took you to complain about the internet connection not working after a few minutes (shortly after I disabled it, coincidentally.)

    And why oh why am I not surprised that our Loss Prevention department has a file on you?

    Love,
    V.

  • #2
    Look on the bright side; at least he didn't spank it in the bathroom and leave his love sauce for you or anybody else to clean up.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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    • #3
      I have this wonderful idea of building a hidden pop-up sign, complete with alarm klaxon and tow-truck style rotating beacons on the corners, that says "PERV ALERT" that you can remotely trigger to deploy from across the store when people decide to do their dirty browsing from a "safe" place.

      But I'm funny like that.
      - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
        Look on the bright side; at least he didn't spank it in the bathroom and leave his love sauce for you or anybody else to clean up.
        This is one of those times when the comments are creepier than the OP
        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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        • #5
          I wonder if you can set up scree sharing on your demo machines, allowing you to do stuff like sending a popup message... Could be fun

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          • #6
            *A POLICE VAN IS NOW SPEEDING TOWARDS THIS LOCATION*
            - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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            • #7
              Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
              Look on the bright side; at least he didn't spank it in the bathroom and leave his love sauce for you or anybody else to clean up.
              OK, now I really do need the

              Oh, and I almost broke rule one in the process. Thanks, Irv

              Quoth Argabarga View Post
              I have this wonderful idea of building a hidden pop-up sign, complete with alarm klaxon and tow-truck style rotating beacons on the corners, that says "PERV ALERT" that you can remotely trigger to deploy from across the store when people decide to do their dirty browsing from a "safe" place.

              But I'm funny like that.
              I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

              Now that's something I'd really like to see
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                Quoth Argabarga View Post
                "PERV ALERT"
                I suddenly had a flashback to Reboot because of this.... Thanks!

                "Incoming perv....Incoming perv..."
                "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                • #9
                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  Look on the bright side; at least he didn't spank it in the bathroom and leave his love sauce for you or anybody else to clean up.
                  I'm so glad I just ate . . . thank you, Irving!!!

                  I just now may not sleep tonight with that image in my head. Just Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Argabarga View Post
                    I have this wonderful idea of building a hidden pop-up sign, complete with alarm klaxon and tow-truck style rotating beacons on the corners, that says "PERV ALERT" that you can remotely trigger to deploy from across the store when people decide to do their dirty browsing from a "safe" place.

                    But I'm funny like that.
                    I am reminded of the prophylactic-purchase scene in the first Leisure Suit Larry...
                    This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                    I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                      Look on the bright side; at least he didn't spank it in the bathroom and leave his love sauce for you or anybody else to clean up.
                      "love sauce"?!
                      Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                      OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                      she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                      Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Deserted View Post
                        "love sauce"?!
                        That's right up there with "Baby Batter."
                        Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Argabarga View Post
                          I have this wonderful idea of building a hidden pop-up sign, complete with alarm klaxon and tow-truck style rotating beacons on the corners, that says "PERV ALERT" that you can remotely trigger to deploy from across the store when people decide to do their dirty browsing from a "safe" place.

                          But I'm funny like that.
                          http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Talent-S.../dp/B002ADD7N2

                          Modify this with the word 'DIRTY' above and a speaker....
                          How ever do they manage to breathe for themselves without having to call tech support? - Argabarga

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                          • #14
                            I was going to suggest an actual marketing remedy for this behavior, but I realized that these people probably wouldn't care who knows what they're looking at.


                            Hell. Here's the idea anyway. Rig the computers to a monitor sharing switch of some sort. Have a large screen display hooked up to the device, and rotate through the various computers. Who knows? Maybe one of these pervs actually WON'T want the store seeing that he's surfing hotlocalsmowingtheirlawns.com...
                            "If your day is filled with firefighting, you need to start taking the matches away from the toddlers…” - HM

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                            • #15
                              It would be funny if the computers had speakers and you added a text-to-speech function that read the ads he looks at out loud. :-)
                              "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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