Your All-Time Favorite Quotes!

[BookstoreEscapee]

Some George Carlin that I came across while cleaning off my desk:

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.

When will the rhetorical questions all end?

I finally figured out what e-mail is for. It's for communicating with people you'd rather not talk to.

I'm starting to get more compassionate. I gotta watch that.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music.

Imagine meeting your maker and finding out it's Frito-Lay.

I wonder if a classical music composer ever intentionally composed a piano piece that was physically impossible to play, and then stuck it away in a trunk to be found years after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy.

Suggested bumper sticker:
We Are The Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem Is Sufficient That He Doesn't Need Us Advertising His Minor Scholastic Achievements on the Bumper of Our Car

[Lace Neil Singer]

Rejected Celebration Cards.

Congratulations on your wedding... I can't believe you had the nerve to wear white!

Congratulations on the new baby... have you found out who the father is yet?

Congratulations on passing your driving test... was the instructor good in bed?

[dalesys]

A pentagon is round... for sufficiently large values of five - Rick Cook

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Two favorite quotes from one of my favorite miniseries (Centennial, based on the novel by James A. Michener) that have stayed stuck in my head for nearly 30 years now:

"Only the rocks live forever" - Lame Beaver

"It isn't Centennial. It's just . . . just the times. But you can't choose the times you live in. You can only try changing them a little bit." - Levi Zendt

Another one I use is:

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get" - Forrest Gump

And I'll add more as I can recall them.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'd like to carry my lucky rabbit's foot around all the time, but it's still attached to my lucky rabbit.

-somebody's sig on EtiquetteHell.com

[Ghel]

Elwood Blues: You may go if you wish. But remember this: walk away now and you walk away from your crafts, your skills, your vocations; leaving the next generation with nothing but recycled, digitally-sampled techno-grooves, quasi-synth rhythms, pseudo-songs of violence-laden gangsta-rap, acid pop, and simpering, saccharine, soulless slush. Depart now and you forever separate yourselves from the vital American legacies of Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon, Jimmy Reed, Memphis Slim, Blind Boy Fuller, Louie Jordon, Little Walter, Big Walter, Sonnyboy Williamson I and II, Otis Redding, Jackie Wilson, Elvis Presley, Lieber and Stoller, and Robert K. Weiss.
Donald "Duck" Dunn: Who is Robert K. Weiss?
[the rest of the band shrug]
Elwood Blues: Turn your backs now and you snuff out the fragile candles of Blues, R&B and Soul, and when those flames flicker and expire, the light of the world is extinguished because the music which has moved mankind through seven decades leading to the millennium will whither and die on the vine of abandonment and neglect.

--Blues Brothers 2000

(And, IMHO, the only reason to watch Blues Brothers 2000 - the rest of the enjoyment can be gained simply from listening to the soundtrack.)

[BookstoreEscapee]

Found on a message board somewhere I forget, not sure who to attribute it to (my Google-fu is weak today but it did find me this page):

English is a sloppy, schizophrenic whore of a language and we will use her as we like. Grammarian authority is one “[up with which we should not put.]“

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

"For me socks are like sex: tons of it about, and I never seem to get any." ~ Hugh Laurie, Blackadder the Third

[Jack T. Chance]

Captain Jack Harkness: "I've lived so many lives. It's time I found another one."

--From the final scene of Torchwood: Children of Earth

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Gwen Cooper: "There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world. Except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history when there was no sign of him, I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame."

--From Torchwood: Children of Earth, "Day Five"

[Jack T. Chance]

Spotted on a bumper sticker once...

"Sex is like air:

You never notice it until you aren't getting any!"



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Vincent (Ethan Hawke): "They have got you looking so hard for any flaw, that after awhile, that's all you see."

--From Gattaca (my personal pick for Best Science Fiction Movie of the 1990s!)

[BookstoreEscapee]

If you want to act like you know something, at least make an effort to know something.

Came across sometime last week, can't remember where.

[Red_Dazes]

"The end of the world will come not with a BANG but with a whisper" _Source unknown-

"Only Fools Fear Great Failure, It's the small losses that break a man down" -cant find where I found this one... I believe it was in my great big book of quotes.

"When Life gives you lemons.... make GRAPE JUICE! then sit back and let the world wonder what the FUCK you just did!" _My Lovely "Takayla"

[Jack T. Chance]

Reinette Poisson (AKA Madame Du Pompadour): "One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."

--From Doctor Who, "The Girl in the Fireplace"

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James Bond (Daniel Craig): [To Le Chiffre, laughing - after being struck five times with a knotted rope] "Now the whole world's gonna know that you died scratching my balls!"

--From Casino Royale

[BookstoreEscapee]

• The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms.
• How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
• Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
• Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.

-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
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...this is assuming your intelligence quotient is in excess of the temperature in your fridge.

-poster "schuylercat" on The Fray at slate.com

[Jack T. Chance]

Dr. Manhattan: "We're all puppets, Laurie. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings."

--From Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons