~~G.I.*Joe Humor~~ Random Snake-Eyes Facts!

[Jack T. Chance]

In honor of the current year, widely hailed as "The Year of G.I. Joe" due to the releases of brand-new comics, a brand-new animated series (G.I. Joe: Resolute) AND the first ever live-action G.I. Joe movie, here now for your reading enjoyment are some random facts about the man, the myth, the legend... Snake-Eyes:

• Snake-Eyes does not sleep. He waits.
• Snake-Eyes doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
• Snake-Eyes owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Snake-Eyes.
• Once a cobra bit Snake-Eyes' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
• Snake-Eyes was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• Snake-Eyes died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
• Snake-Eyes does not go hunting because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Snake-Eyes goes killing.
• Death once had a near-Snake-Eyes experience.
• The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Snake-Eyes didn't kill you in your sleep.
• Snake-Eyes never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
• Snake-Eyes was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Snake-Eyes does not "attempt" murder.
• The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Snake-Eyes.
• The chief export of Snake-Eyes is pain.
• If you can see Snake-Eyes, he can see you. If you can't see Snake-Eyes, you may be only seconds away from death.
• Snake-Eyes does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
• Snake-Eyes doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
• When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds", he was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Snake-Eyes Halloween costume he was wearing.
• "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Snake-Eyes' theme song.
• People have often asked the United States "What is your secret weapon against terrorists?" We simply reply "Snake-Eyes."
• Snake-Eyes has 2 speeds: Walk and Kill.

If I come across any more interesting facts about Snake-Eyes, I'll post them later!

And if any of you happen to come across any more interesting facts about the man in black, be sure and let us know!

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

These sound a lot like lines from those Chuck Norris memes.

[Gravekeeper]

Argh, rebranded Chuck Norris "jokes". ><

[Jack T. Chance]

Yeah, well, Chuck Norris wishes he was as good as Snake-Eyes!

Which reminds me...

Here's some more, contributed on the Yo Joe! Forums...

• There is no such thing as tornadoes. Snake-Eyes just hates trailer parks.
• If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Snake-Eyes.
• Snake-Eyes once strangled a man... with a cordless telephone!
• It wasn't the airplanes; it was Snake-Eyes killed the beast.
• Kids, don't be scared of the monster in your closet. It's only trying to hide from Snake-Eyes.
• Snake-Eyes can pat his head, rub his belly, and kill you all at the same time.
• Snake-Eyes knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.
• Terminators in the future travel even farther into the future to get that much more distance between themselves and Snake-Eyes.
• They say that after a nuclear blast, the only things to survive will be cockroaches and Snake-Eyes. But Snake-Eyes doesn't like cockroaches. So... yeah.
• When Snake-Eyes empties his 9mm, it reloads itself out of respect.
• Earthquakes are simply Snake-Eyes rearranging the land as he sees fit.
• Once, Snake-Eyes experienced an awkward moment... just to see what it felt like.
• Snake-Eyes never speaks "friend" to enter. He just enters.

[Ironclad Alibi]

[*]Snake-Eyes knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

African or European?

[Jack T. Chance]

African or European?

Both, of course!

[cinema guy]

So, who is Snake Eyes?

[Jack T. Chance]

So, who is Snake Eyes?

According to Larry Hama (who wrote the file cards for most, if not all, of Hasbro's G.I.*Joe: A Real American Hero action figures and also wrote most of the issues of the Marvel comic book,) Snake-Eyes is nothing less than the deadliest man alive!



Or, to borrow a phrase from Marvel Comics... Snake-Eyes is the best there is at what he does... and what he does isn't very nice!

Click his name above to learn more about him.

[Ironclad Alibi]

So, who is Snake Eyes?

Snake Eyes is one of G. I. Joe's team members.

[Sheldonrs]

...[*]Snake-Eyes knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow...

What about an unladen spit?

[Fenrus]

What about an unladen spit?

I think that one depends on the spitter.

[Mike Taylor]

So, who is Snake Eyes?

He came over to the UK as part of the Action Force toys in the 1980's, renamed as Stalker (not be confused with the American G.I. Joe Stalker) and drove the SAS Panther Jeep (the G.I. Joe VAMP jeep).

[cinema guy]

He came over to the UK as part of the Action Force toys in the 1980's, renamed as Stalker (not be confused with the American G.I. Joe Stalker) and drove the SAS Panther Jeep (the G.I. Joe VAMP jeep).

Ah, I remeber those. My brother had those. They were cool.