Customers who bring their own bags=Bitchy, Pissy and Crabby

[Kara]

The grocery store I used to work at gave customers 5 cents off per fabric bag they brought in, or 3 cents off for a plastic/paper bag. And yes, these customers were a pain in the nuts.

Can't vouch for the nuts, but a lot of those customers were quite difficult. We gave 5 cents off for every bag, fabric, paper, or plastic, back in my grocery days. Most customers were civil about it, but there's a couple that come to mind. There was the old lady who had been bringing the same wadded up decaying bags for like 20 years. Every time she had a bunch of canned food, milk, or anything heavier than bread, I just knew the bags were going to shred. Amazingly they never did.

Then there was the old lady (yeah, the 5 cents off customers are always old ladies) who would toss a ridiculous amount of paper and plastic bags at the poor bagger (usually me, until I upgraded to cashier). It didn't matter if all she had bought was a box of Bran Flakes, some Metamucil, and a pack of Depends (oh yeah, those old ladies know how to party), she would insist on a 5 cent credit for all 50 of her bags. Every single time, we had to explain that she only got credit for the bags we used, not every bag she'd been saving since the dawn of creation.

Lastly was the old lady who always thought we were cheating her out of her 5 cents. She'd have to hold up the line to count the number of bags in her cart, count the number of credits on her receipt, and then hash it out with the cashier that she missed one of her bags. Then the cashier would have to count all the bags, the credits, and tell her they were all taken off. Then she'd give him or her a look of distrust and usually head to the customer service counter. You could see the line of customers she was holding up at the register forming a collective mind to will her into a stroke.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Ok, now here I was a sucky customer for no good reason other than for my amusement.

In my defense it wasn't directed at the clerk at the register but towards a eco-activist

The woman was sitting at the end of the aisle yelling at anyone who didn't buy her reusable grocery bags. You think that if you were selling something you might want to try a "more flies with honey approach" than the bile she was shouting.

So when the clerk asked me "paper or plastic" I had to say something

<ahem>

"Gee. Kill a tree or choke a sea turtle...Hrm, tough choice. On one hand I'm pissed off at the trees and think they all need to be chopped down for harboring the birds that took a shit on my 'vette after I just finished waxing it, I think I'm nore pissed off at the sea turtle I petted as a kid that bit the living hell out of me. Yeah, I'll choke the sea turtle."

The Damage:
Crazy eco woman turned bright red, looked like she was going to blow the forehead vein that was throbbing, and was making sounds like she either was having a seizure, had swollowed her tongue, or both.

Clerk was biting her lip and turning bright red from trying not to bust out laughing (she let out a few snorts that she couldn't keep in)

The customers in line behind me were a mix of amused "I can't believe you did that" and open laughter. Many high-fives and knuckles ensued.

Me? Well I left feeling like I had done my part in spreading chaos and disorder and was feeling good about it as I went into my 'vette.

Actually it was a chevette, but they didn't need to know that.

M

[ContraCorriente]

In response to Mongo Skruddgemire...

Marry me.