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  • Rejected Children's Books

    Don't expect to find any of these at your local Barnes & Noble . . .

    1. You Are Different and That's Bad
    2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
    3. Dad's New Wife Robert
    4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
    5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
    6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
    7. Julie Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
    8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
    9. All Cats Go to Hell
    10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
    11. Some Kittens Can Fly
    12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
    13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
    14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
    15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
    16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
    17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
    18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
    19. You Were an Accident
    20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
    21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
    22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
    23. Your Nightmares Are Real
    24. Mamma's on crack and I don't care
    25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
    26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
    27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
    28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
    Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

  • #2
    29. How to get rich from the change in your mother's purse.
    Last edited by MadMike; 07-15-2007, 10:52 PM. Reason: Excessive quoting

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    • #3
      30. I Like Daddy's Vodka
      31. My Sister Is A Slut
      32. The Knobs On The Stove Are Neat!
      33. Remember, Timmy, I Can Murder You In Your Sleep
      34. How Many Marbles Can You Swallow?
      35. Why Daddy Wears Mommy's Underwear
      36. Let's Play In The Traffic!
      37. Santa Isn't Real. Now Shut Up.
      38. Why Hamsters and Vacuum Cleaners Don't Mix
      39. I Caught Billy Playing With His Pee-Pee
      40. Scooby-Doo Gets Neutured
      41. You Read A Harry Potter Book? You're Going To Hell!!!
      I question my sanity every day. Sometimes it answers.

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      • #4
        Shame about number 15 not being real
        How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

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        • #5
          42. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
          43. What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
          44. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
          45. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy (I was going to say "The Pop-Up Kama Sutra", but much to my shock and awe that book has actually been written )
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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          • #6
            46. Father O' Maley's Favorite Child
            47. Plastic Bags Make Great Masks
            Shut up and jump.

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            • #7
              46. Why is Daddy hugging Mommy like that?
              The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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              • #8
                47: Why is mommy hugging aunt mary?
                48: Welcome to my house of snot.
                49: We play with sharp things.
                50: The litterbox home of free chocolate.

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                • #9
                  47: The Marble Eating Contest
                  48: When You Touch There God Kills a Kitten
                  49: Fun with Fire
                  50: Get Rid of Your Baby Sibling in 5 Easy Steps: A Do It Yourself
                  51: Why Daddy Wears That White Robe
                  52: Mommy and My Many Daddies.
                  53: The Peanuts: Snoopy Goes To Sleep
                  54: Why Grandma Smells Like That
                  55: BoogeyMan: True Accounts
                  It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
                  ~~~H.L. Mencken

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                  • #10
                    53 is just to mean to be thought of.....

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                    • #11
                      I had a good idea for a childrens' story, but I was told it was too disturbing. It was about a bird that flew into a house and a cat that had a nice meal.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth LionMan View Post
                        I had a good idea for a childrens' story, but I was told it was too disturbing. It was about a bird that flew into a house and a cat that had a nice meal.
                        56. Tweety tould've Taw the Puddy Tat

                        And now a few more more...

                        57. Lamb Chop meets Mr. Barbecue
                        58. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers And Are Put Down
                        59. The All-Sugary Cereals Cookbook
                        60. Fun With Dick And Jane: Comparative Anatomy
                        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                          56. Tweety tould've Taw the Puddy Tat

                          And now a few more more...

                          57. Lamb Chop meets Mr. Barbecue
                          58. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers And Are Put Down
                          59. The All-Sugary Cereals Cookbook
                          60. Fun With Dick And Jane: Comparative Anatomy
                          61. Easedropping - A way to learn useful information
                          62. How to get what you want by blackmailing your siblings.

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                          • #14
                            The Complete Idiot's Guide To Being a Crackwhore (Kid's Edition)
                            Total surrender
                            Your touch is so tender
                            Your skin is like water on a burning beach
                            And it brings me relief
                            "Nails in My Feet" - Crowded House

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                            • #15
                              Mario and Luigi's Adventures in Vice City (came to mind after seeing an episode of "Robot Chicken" last night)

                              Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Soup

                              The Astronauts Killed the Man in the Moon
                              Testing
                              "I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods- in the woodes- in the woodsen. The meese want the food. The food is to eatenesen."

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