Fun with email customers

[Phone Jockey]

Most of you know I'm now taking emails instead of calls (most of the time) in my new position. As such, here are some interesting emails I've gotten recently:

THE TIGHTWAD:
Customer: Would you be willing to lower or pay my bill to keep me as a customer?

THE SIMPLETON:
Customer: I am new and do not understand this email I have with you. Honestly, I spend more time on email than I care to think about.

THE BEGGER:
Customer: We desperately need ESPN2 HD for football season. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??

THE COMPLETE IDIOT:
Customer: I can’t receive email at the above listed email address. Please email me back here on what to do.

THINKS HE'S MY BOSS:
Customer: You’ve had a long enough time to negotiate with XYZ company for this channel. Now just get it done, please.

[JustaCashier]

I'll bet the E-mail SC's will be even suckier, because, as we all know, just as it's easier to be nasty on the phone as it is to be in person, it's even easier to be nasty in E-mail.

Yet one less level of personalness! (Is that a word?)


Mike

[Phone Jockey]

Justa...you are exactly right. These ppl don't even try to spell correctly. I mean, it's called SPELL CHECK! It's right there in your computer...please use it!!!

[Battyone]

Justa...you are exactly right. These ppl don't even try to spell correctly. I mean, it's called SPELL CHECK! It's right there in your computer...please use it!!!

Noting that at least one of them was cheap, and all of them seemed to lack intelligence; we may safely assume that Cheap-o doesn't use an e-mail client with a spell checker. He is either - A: too cheap to buy a decent email client, B - incapable of running GNU Aspell, or C - does not care about how he appears.

Actually, for almost anyone who fails to use the spell checker is one of those reasons, oh, and lets not forget D - people who do not know what the red/green squiggly lines are. :P

[I remember the looks of surprise on a classmate's face when I taught them how to use an e-mail spell checker. The class? C++/Intro. to Computer Science]

[P.S. -- I run Bon Echo [Firefox2] Beta1, it has GNU Aspell integrated, or at least thats what I believe they use for their spell check functionality, its very nifty to have it integrated into the browser. Sadly the major memory leak I have been seeing since Firefox hit 1.0 has not gone away. :'(]

[Canarr]

[P.S. -- I run Bon Echo [Firefox2] Beta1, it has GNU Aspell integrated, or at least thats what I believe they use for their spell check functionality, its very nifty to have it integrated into the browser. Sadly the major memory leak I have been seeing since Firefox hit 1.0 has not gone away. :'(]

I don't run anything - I just learned how to spell, and it's kinda stuck with me.

Still, for someone without spellcheck in his email program, there's always the option of writing it in Word, then copy&paste.

[Battyone]

I don't run anything - I just learned how to spell, and it's kinda stuck with me.

Still, for someone without spellcheck in his email program, there's always the option of writing it in Word, then copy&paste.

Aye, you can use Microsoft Word's Spell Checker, assuming you own Microsoft Office. That failing, Notepad2 + GNU Aspell, or Sun Open Office, or even an on-line spell checker. Sorry to be off topic, not all of us can afford the Office packages. :P

[And I do not need a spell checker to know how to spell, but for some words it just helps damnit!]

[Canarr]

[And I do not need a spell checker to know how to spell, but for some words it just helps damnit!]

I realize that; I was just kidding. For my part, occasionally I'll need to check a word or two in English, since it's not my primary language. Spell checkers come in handy at that point, yes.

Instead of MS Office, try StarOffice. Essentially the same, and free.

[Fera Festiva]

THE TIGHTWAD:
Customer: Would you be willing to lower or pay my bill to keep me as a customer?

... Another one who seems to have misunderstood the word "customer", then.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

THE TIGHTWAD:
Customer: Would you be willing to lower or pay my bill to keep me as a customer?

Nope, your status as a customer is a matter of extreme indifference to me.

THE SIMPLETON:
Customer: I am new and do not understand this email I have with you. Honestly, I spend more time on email than I care to think about.

You seemed to understand it well enough to darken my doorstep with it.

THE BEGGER:
Customer: We desperately need ESPN2 HD for football season. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??

I desperatly need you to have the service. Without it I'd never hear from you again in a month screaming about the cost and how you are never home long enough to use it and then demand a refund.

THE COMPLETE IDIOT:
Customer: I can’t receive email at the above listed email address. Please email me back here on what to do.

The email is sent. Call me if you're having any more problems. The number is 1-900-dumarse

THINKS HE'S MY BOSS:
Customer: You’ve had a long enough time to negotiate with XYZ company for this channel. Now just get it done, please.

Sir, I've been in negotiations with this company for a solid month. Best I can get him down to is my first born child. I'm barren and can't have children so it's not going well. Perhaps you could donate yours so we can get this channel?

[Mr. Rager!]

We really do desperately need ESPN2 HD for the football season. This guy is just our spokeman.

Kind of funny though.

[dirwood]

[P.S. -- I run Bon Echo [Firefox2] Beta1, it has GNU Aspell integrated, or at least thats what I believe they use for their spell check functionality, its very nifty to have it integrated into the browser. Sadly the major memory leak I have been seeing since Firefox hit 1.0 has not gone away. :'(]

Try this to help correct the problem:

1. With Firefox up and running, type about:config and hit enter.
2. Right click on the new page and select New -> Boolean.
3. In the pop-up window, type in “config.trim_on_minimize” without quotes and hit enter.
4. In the next pop-up window, select True and hit enter.
5. Restart your browser

Then whenever you minimize the browser, the memory will be cleaned up the best it can be.

[Phone Jockey]

We really do desperately need ESPN2 HD for the football season. This guy is just our spokeman.

Then please get a new spokesman! He's not convincing anybody!

[Battyone]

Try this to help correct the problem:

1. With Firefox up and running, type about:config and hit enter.
2. Right click on the new page and select New -> Boolean.
3. In the pop-up window, type in “config.trim_on_minimize” without quotes and hit enter.
4. In the next pop-up window, select True and hit enter.
5. Restart your browser

Then whenever you minimize the browser, the memory will be cleaned up the best it can be.

Thanks for that, that worked.

[ShockQueen]

E-mail support can be quite funny at times, but CHAT SUPPORT is even funnier! The great thing about it is, you can tell a customer off, laugh at their idiocy, or tell your friends what a n00b you have on your window - and they'll never hear you!

They type in ALL CAPS THINKING IT WILL MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.........but it doesn't. The best thing about the chat support we used to have, was that you could "push" pages to people for information they're looking for.

Oh to be able to push THIS one!
www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php

Trust me.......we ALL thought about doing that one on our last days!

[Cyanocobalamin]

Oh to be able to push THIS one!
www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php

Trust me.......we ALL thought about doing that one on our last days!

This one I would LOVE to have displayed on all the laptops and monitors for sale whenever a customer messes with them or does something stupid