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Old 05-17-2007, 10:51 PM
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tollbaby tollbaby is offline
Awesome bitch
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Great White North
Posts: 2,093

Quoth DarthRetard View Post
1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
My two best friends were sitting in the car while we were waiting for our turn at the drive-through. So S starts telling this joke... but as soon as he says "it's getting warm in here...", T blurts out "But muffins can't talk!" and ruined the punch line I just about died laughing and they kicked me out of the car
GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

Old 05-22-2007, 04:44 AM
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Professional Serf Professional Serf is offline
99% Bonobo, 1% trouble
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Basilica of St. Apathy
Posts: 45

Girl Potato and Boy Potato

Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they
told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and
getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad
name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make
a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay
home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise
so as to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch
out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland . . . And the greasy guys
from France called the French Fries .

. .And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and
narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or
the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on
all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho PU. (that's Potato University) so
that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just........................

Are you ready for this?......................

Are you sure?............................

OK! Here it is!............................

Shut up and jump.

Old 05-26-2007, 06:45 AM
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counterjockey counterjockey is offline
Should Be Drinking Tea Instead
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: IA USA
Posts: 99

Q. What did the zombie say to the pretty girl in the bar one night?

A. Baby, I'd like to fork your brains out.

I'm sorry, George Romero...
"Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, let's you know she's hurting 'fore she keens...makes her a home."

Old 06-02-2007, 08:22 PM
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Giggle Goose Giggle Goose is offline
Puggle snuggler
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Northern Va
Posts: 332

Yo momma is so fat she entered a fat contest and won first, second and third place!

*runs away*
"If you are planning not to tip, please let your server know before ordering so they can decide whether or not to wait on you" - from an advice column I read some time ago

Old 06-03-2007, 09:16 PM
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XCashier XCashier is offline
Insert clever title here
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: At my computer
Posts: 7,007

Yo momma so ugly her psychiatrist makes her lie on the couch face down!
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My LiveJournal
A page we can all agree with!

Old 06-03-2007, 10:30 PM
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cinema guy cinema guy is offline
Projectionist Extraordinaire
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Midlands, England
Posts: 2,383

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

What do you call a Frenchman with a car on is head?
"I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room." Sunset Boulevard.

Old 06-04-2007, 10:02 PM
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rvdammit rvdammit is offline
Store Manager
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sutton, London, UK
Posts: 591

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
ludo ergo sum

Old 06-07-2007, 08:00 PM
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MadMike MadMike is online now
Heavy Metal Admin
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Enola, PA
Posts: 5,029

Q: What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

A: He got pissed off.
Sometimes life is altered.
Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
Uneasy with confrontation.
Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

Old 06-15-2007, 03:48 PM
Shabo Shabo is offline
Store Manager
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 954

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

I want to take Gingko Biloba to improve my memory, but I always forget to take the pills.

Old 06-17-2007, 05:51 PM
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Professional Serf Professional Serf is offline
99% Bonobo, 1% trouble
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Basilica of St. Apathy
Posts: 45

Land! Land! cried the King! The Queen gave him a kick in the nuts and he got 2 achers.
Shut up and jump.
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